Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

[dementedma]

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

Just checking in. Keeping busy de-cluttering and tidying. Took down old manky curtains to wash and then took a load of stuff to recycling centre. Was going to dump unwanted cookery books in the book bin and then I chided myself that a charity shop could sell them so lugged them along to the nearest shop. Was rewarded by spotting brand new curtains, right size, right colour and bought them for a tenner. Not bad for bay windows.I fecking hate doing curtains so am well chuffed to have got that horrible job out of the way. Next up,all the old DVDs and videos lurking on the shelves under the windows, previously hidden by former longer curtains!!!

I love a good sort out Ma and well done on the curtains, that's brilliant.

Feel a bit more human now, skipped the burger but did have a chicken and bacon sub with lots of Mayo, it did have tomato and lettuce in it so it's clearly healthy!

Got to go out this evening for food and drinks, friends won't pressure me to drink (joy of being older I guess, less peer pressure)

I'm already looking forward to my bed. Hope everyone has a good evening, I'm sending strength and resolve and good wishes to everyone, including elf I know you can't see this elf, but still sending good vibes and hope you are ok.

Last night wasn't great, a test in trying to moderate, didn't work so now I know.

2 bin bags full of crappy CDs and videos for the dump tomorrow. Charity shops round here wont take old videos so no other option. Got a pile of home ones which may or may not have the dcs on so will have to watch them all on fast forward so don't throw out any family ones. Front room now looks like a bomb site and removal of CDs/videos/DVDs has revealed black mould and damp on the wall behind them. Tomorrow's job will be to tackle that!
This house is a shit hole.

This is what my front room looks like...

Hee hee ma you've had a proper clear out!! Hopefully it'll be easier to put it away now you have more space

Hi, love hearing about clear out... It's like it gets much worse before it gets better! Just separated so having a good clear out here..very cathartic! Had good friend over last night and we drank few bottles of prosecco.. I've really cut down my nightly bottle of wine, now that it's me and dds I don't want it as much (cos stress of stbxh is gone) and having to watch the pennies... Was weird cos I would have been happy with af drink...didn't enjoy the prosseco like before! I am very surprised at myself long may it last.

Hi all. I want to join you. And I want to put it in writing, here and now, that I want to stop drinking, and I want to be able to come back to this post to remind me how shit I feel today.

I am a 35 year old single parent to 6 year old ds and I generally do a good job. I have a good job and live in a nice area. I had two old school friends round last night and we got carried away on the wine. Between 3 of us we drank 5 bottles of wine and half a bottle of bourbon. I can't remember the later part of the night, but there was vomit in the toilet when I woke up. Apparently I fell over a box in my dds bedroom. We were smoking on the doorstep (don't normally smoke). My friends stayed over and have just left. They thought last night was hilarious, but I am ashamed. I was supposed to be in charge of ds (he is fine btw). God knows how much noise we made, and god knows what the neighbours think. Once again, what ought to have been a lovely evening (which it was, too a degree) was spoilt by my inability to drink to a sensible level. I need to put this in writing to stop denying to myself how bad it is. I can go weeks without drinking and not miss it, but when I do, I can't moderate. I am depressed and on antidepressants, and my brother died in September, and this seems to have made things worse...😕

I am having a duvet day with ds watching dvds and am crippled with anxiety...

I did dry January and felt great. I just worry that I can't socialise/be social without alcohol. But wants the point in getting so shitfaced you behave like a complete twat? I need someone to talk some sense into me!

Ironically my brother had alcohol (and other substance) problems. He killed himself. Apologies for the monologue everyone 😕

Bottles welcome. Everything you said in your post I can relate too, the getting carried away, taking it that bit too far and the feelings after.

I'm so sorry about your brother, I hit the bottle hard after a couple of bereavements too.

Writing it down and being open does help, maybe surprisingly so, you get your thoughts in order and see things clearer, so just join in as little or as much as you like and are comfortable with.

I went out last night and had a modest 2 drinks. I'm going to have a relaxing couple of hours, been a busy weekend and not enough sleep. Proves how drinking disturbs my rest.

Have a good day everyone - strength and resolve to us all.

Cross posted with you there, do NOT apologise, we are all here for each other, sometimes it gets deep, sometimes just a bit of a chat and catch up, sometimes downright bonkers! Point being, just say whatever you feel.

Thank you for being kind to me. I hate myself at the moment. Part of that may be disproportionate because I am hungover, but the fact is I know alcohol affects my mood so I shouldn't drink anyway. And actually, writing it down, it IS that bad. What if ds got sick and had to go to hospital or something? He deserves better. My parents are very sociable and fairly big drinkers, but I have NEVER seen my mum in that kind of state, or this hungover. Luckily he seemed to sleep through it all. But the weather is lovely today, and I am too hungover to go out, and there is no way that I could drive. I clearly just can't drink, and I need to accept that.

It took me a long time to learn that bottles I had been thinking for several years I need to stop drinking. It may look to any lurkers that I joined the thread and simply quit wine, if only it were that easy. I hated myself too, I don't know if you've been reading long but my Mumsnet nane LuxuryWoman is a conscious decision in learning self care and being kinder to myself.

Anyhow, I am popping out for a walk now, need some fresh air and shockingly babes I have run out of moisture bombs (Garnier shares dropped overnight)

Catch up with everyone later.

Moisture bombs? I need one of those for my mouth...😩

Welcome bottles, you've come to the right place.
Off to finish de-cluttering but will be back later.

Hi bottles I for one have been where you are today.
Tomorrow will be better.
Your DS is fine.
Try not to do the "what if" or the guilt about not being supermum today

And hi to all.
Had a very busy shift then a big bowl of chilli and 2/3 bottle wine
Could have been worse. Productive day today and cinema later. Staying positive happy Sunday all

Evening babes,

Can't seem to shift my arse out of the sidecar, just massively lacking motivation. But I'm happy and doing ok (for today). Half term was nice, ds seems to have turned a corner with his behaviour, so I'm happy. Also know that small boys are not very reliable and he will struggle with behaviour again. Probably tomorrow.

Think this is a long winded way of saying that I'm feeling lazy and knackered and that is my excuse for lurking in the sidecar. Mumble,mumble.

Welcome bottles this is a great place to be : )

Ooh what did you see at the flicks 42?
lux you are inspiring- I thought of you the other day when I announced to my dc that I was off to the bathroom to cut my toenails (stick with this story, it's not insulting, I promise) the toenail cutting was my luxury and much needed it was too. Oldest dc looked shocked and said " what, by yourself? You have to cut your OWN toenails?" How to blow the mind of a 7 yr old : ) However, think I might up my game and look out for these moisture bomb things 😁

ma how is the declittering going? Anything left?

declittering sounds vaguely disgusting...and painful

So I have spent the day doing nothing but eating junk food and reading this and the original thread. I don't think I'll be able to catch up with the other 7 years worth! I still feel like shit, so I think this hangovers going to be a 2 day job. In some ways day 2 of a hangover is the worst, you have that horrible empty anxious feeling, but without the numbing effect of still being slightly pissed.

I may over the next couple of days write down some of the reasons why I need to stop and describe some of the occasions where I've gone too far with my drinking. I find I'll have one of these "episodes" where I black out and/or humiliate myself and I scare myself for a bit, but then I forget/minimise and it ends up happening again. My dp is french and a big drinker so it's going to be hard, but I spoke to him today (in France ATM) and asked if it would be terribly dull if I stopped drinking, at least for a bit, and surprisingly he said it's fine because it will help him to not drink as much. I've not let on just how seriously worried I am about my drinking though.

Elba, are you a doctor? I don't mind admitting that I am. As I've already said I'm more of a weekend binge drinker so it has never affected my work - I have never turned up at work drunk or hungover, and if I'm working over the weekend I will happily not drink and not feel too deprived. But I do think the sheer level of stress I deal with makes me hit it hard at the weekend. I am working in psychiatry at the moment which is hard as lots of the patients remind me of my brother in many ways so it is stirring up a lot of mixed emotions. I have come to the conclusion that I ought to seek out some bereavement counselling and deal with my grief in a healthier way than hitting the bottle.

bottle hopefully you'll get a better sleep tonight. That's a lot of reading you've done! I sometimes read back and find it interesting to see how I felt a particular day or how my thinking is changing as I go along.
Everyone on this thread is clearly an intelligent, capable person, with jobs, families, pets, hobbies, partners, friends - one, some or all of those things, but somehow our 'off switches' went faulty. It will be goodd to have your husbands support. Mine is missing his partner in crime a bit.

I'm in bed now, it's been a hectic weekend, so I shall say goodnight to all babes and catch up tomorrow.

Oh and bereavement councelling could be a positive move. The bottle is, as I've said before, short term gain for long term pain, the opposite of what we need and want.

It's so bloody complicated. Today I am sober.
I'm beginning to think no alcohol is my way forward but that makes me feel pressured.

Right, sleep now for me.

Night lux. Yes you're right, the bottle is a short term fix. My drinking really ramped up immediately after his death. I was so anxious and distraught I literally had diarrhoea for weeks. The only time I felt "ok" was after I had that first sip of wine when I decided it was an "acceptable" time to do so - was off work for three weeks and was probably having a bottle every evening - somehow I justified it by only drinking in the evening. It was the crutch that got me ( and my parents, I was staying with them at the time) through the sheer rawness of the grief at that time. Then there was Xmas so even more drinking. Then came dry Jan which convinced me I was back on top of things. But last night has showed me I'm not. It's time I face the grief head-on, and really allow myself to feel the pain and the anger and the guilt. Which will be hard.