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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

999 replies

dementedma · 31/01/2017 21:12

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

OP posts:
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17
grumpysquash3 · 16/02/2017 00:04

I went to the theatre tonight too (a rare treat) - took DD to see The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time which was really good.
Priscilla sounds great - I loved that film but have never seen it on stage.

Shakespeare deaths also sound great :)

It also handily got me away from a second night of drinking with my parents (all decoy plans went to pot within 30 seconds of arriving home yesterday as they had already poured me a glass.....).

Elba 6 months old twins will be a challenge, I'm sure, but one that will be far more do-able without a hangover!

MintToBe · 16/02/2017 06:35

Elba84
6 month old twins!
I salute you!

MintToBe · 16/02/2017 06:37

dementedma
Wow. That sounds great. I absolutely loved that film.I'd forgotten all about it.
I know what I'll be watching tonight if I can find a working link.

guggenheim · 16/02/2017 07:03

Morning babes ,

Still in the sidecar. Probably going to lurk here until half term is over. Kids have been brilliant which is amazing, but dear god being in charge of small people all the time is a form of modern day torture. I keep hoping that a grown up will come along and take charge of them. I fantasise about working in an office (which I'd be crap at) or just being somewhere else.

They are lovely though- ish. Baby diva has taken to beating me with a valentine card when she gets up. Ds has Sen and he finds it almost impossible to organise himself to play a game or lego. After lots of thought, he decided that he'd quite like to do some hoovering. So I very kindly allowed him to hoover the down stairs rooms. Am a earth mother after all.

Big wave to all lovely babes

Fairenuff · 16/02/2017 09:27

Haha guggs that made me laugh. I used to give mine wet wipes and let them go round the house 'cleaning' anything they fancied. They used to love it Confused

Elba this - 'the panic of not having enough didn't last, and wasn't as bad as I thought it would be' - is another breakthrough moment for you I think. I too used to think that not drinking or running out would be the worst thing in the world. Turns out it was the best Smile

Keep going, you're doing great x

LuxuryWoman2017 · 16/02/2017 09:34

Morning everybabe,
I've been lurking but half term and a demanding poorly child means I haven't had much time to post properly.

I will catch up very soon, promise.

I have a few things to celebrate and need to work out how to do that without booze or at least much booze, tricky.

Will try and call by later and NC properly, meantime have a great day.

SweetLathyrus · 16/02/2017 13:32

Afternoon - very quick one:

Shakespere's Deaths was brilliant, but getting there was a bit of a trial, we sat in a traffic jam a mile from our house for 45mins and missed the doors closing by less than 5 mins, so we had to watch the first half on a TV in the foyer.

Ma I would love to see Prisilla, and Grumpy, DH and I saw the Curious Incident a couple of years ago in London, it was brilliant.

Guggs, can I borrow your DS? Grin

Elba, well done - even if it wasn't moderation by choice.

Back later.

dementedma · 16/02/2017 19:24

Priscilla is fab on stage. Loads of big sing along numbers and gay anthems, costumes are amazing. Dancing cupcakes anyone?
Shit day at work today. I lost my temper with one of our Directors who constantly undermines me. Unprofessional of me and frustrating. I was unacceptably rude to her in front of everyone....Shouldn't have done it but I'm so tried of trying to keep this business going pretty much single
handedly and getting nothing but criticism from some quarters. ...Am drinking wine.

OP posts:
SweetLathyrus · 16/02/2017 20:35

You're being pushed to breaking point, Ma. Do you think they recognise that?

dementedma · 16/02/2017 21:29

The new Chairman does.He's very supportive. But the rest just don't understand . I know some stuff isn't being done as well as it could be but I don't have any resources to do it better. And I keep banging my head against lack of funding....Have blown out my low carb diet on wine, ice cream and toast!!!

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aliasjoey · 16/02/2017 21:47

ma you know you don't have to be strong all the time, sometimes you're allowed to lose your shit (and it might be good for the people around you to recognise that actually you are human)

But it starts with you: be kind to yourself first. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here

dementedma · 16/02/2017 21:59

Thank you joey. I appreciate that!

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UnwiseOldElf · 16/02/2017 22:06

So I'm off to detox tomorrow and will be gone at least ten days.

Whew. Years of dithering about this, trying to control it, trying to have "just one" etc etc, then hangovers, and remorse, and blackouts, and the money, and just tired... so, so tired.

I'm scared. How will I live without my gin? HOW?

I guess I might have to stand up for myself and people around me might not like that. I might need to ask for help, rather than numbing myself to oblivion.

So I will come back when I get out!

LuxuryWoman2017 · 16/02/2017 22:16

Just lost a really long post dammit.

Wishing you strength and luck our very wise elf I hope it goes well and we'll welcome you back in a couple of weeks, brave you are Flowers

ma we also have limits, hope you get some rest tonight and tomorrow is better.

I've been head nurse and slave here to the poorly one, I'm shattered but realised 48 days since last glassh of wine and in 48 days I've had the equivalent of one weeks recommended units, blimey.
I am planning a drink or two this weekend but they will be well planned.

Wishing every one well.

theansweris42 · 16/02/2017 22:17

Oh elf good for you.
Will be thinking of you Flowers

LuxuryWoman2017 · 16/02/2017 22:17

All have limits not also. Gah.

SweetLathyrus · 16/02/2017 22:20

We will be thinking of you Elf, all the best.

Night all

dementedma · 16/02/2017 22:26

Good luck elf.

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aliasjoey · 16/02/2017 22:34

Ok. So. I have a plan.

I'm doing okay with controlling my drinking: I only drink a couple of times a week, and stick to my limits (two-thirds of a bottle). And have achieved this mostly with the help and support of the Bus.

I would be happy, actually could manage this... except for one small thing, i usually end up staying up late, maybe getting the munchies and raiding the fridge; going to bed really late and annoying DH.

I often do this even sober, and after I've finished my wine, it's become a real habit. I know it's not serious like getting out of my tree years ago and sleeping with complete strangers off the internet. But still, am not young anymore... and this is the plan.

I go to bed every night at 11. Lights out at 11.30. Keep it up for a week, I can have a drink Friday night. But still have to stick to the rule, if I do then I can drink on Sunday. If not, back to bed. Make a new habit, sober or otherwise.

If I manage, maybe I can do this forever. The Babes helped me get this far, so I'm sure I can achieve it. Willpower, right? 😀

Elba84 · 16/02/2017 22:56

Elf good luck- will be thinking of you!

The babies and I survived the day. They were teething and a bit unsettled, and I completely failed to get them to sleep at the same time, so it's been full on. But I love them to bits (and am now proud godmother to the little boy Smile)

My drinking is confusing the crap out of me though. Maybe last night will help- I can have one, and not crave another. I could of (and have before) made an excuse to go out late (forgot toothbrush etc), and there was plenty of alcohol I could of helped myself to in the kitchen (have also done this Blush). If I hadn't had the twins today I'm not sure if I would of stopped at the one. I'm still half trying to not drink, not really socialising around alcohol, whilst simultaneously planning 'drinking opportunities' for when I'm alone. No idea what I'm actually aiming to achieve at the moment. Maybe I actually have more control than I though over this and am choosing to binge. But then whatever I have in the house tends to get finished, whether it was planned or not.

That probably made no sense- very tired! Af tonight though. Night all

Inarightpickleandchutney · 16/02/2017 23:50

Hi, can I maybe ask some questions as I'm (as my name suggests) in a pickle and headed toward a two and eight.
I've literally a fuckton and the more I read these threads the more in thinking I need some kind of a sounding board.

I am drinking too much that's a fact.

But I need some perspective unraveling it.

Can I just blurt it out?

MintToBe · 17/02/2017 07:00

OMG I'M SO SORRY!
I was just trying to catch up with the thread and saw I'd put 63 days instead of 43 days being AF.
Blush

SweetLathyrus · 17/02/2017 07:29

Morning All.

Mint, 43 is STILL ace Smile

Pickle, welcome, you don't have to ask, just blurt away.

Joey whatever works for you. If it annoying your DH that worries you, or the extra snacking calories?

Ma back onto the boot camp today. You cannot work miracles at work, it will kill you.

Elba you survived twins, I am in awe. You are still working all this stuff out, there's a lot of it and it's complicated. You are having to make the unconscious conscious.

Day 14 for me. Honestly last night I only stayed AF because there was nothing in the house. I had a shitty day at work - 1.5 hours just to sort out the emails that came in overnight wasn't a good start, and I have a performance review with one of my bosses on Monday to fret about all weekend. But I did stay AF, and I have to focus on the good. I have lost 2lbs this week, and I have another dog training session to look forward to on Sunday morning.

Have a good Friday. Plans for tonight?

UnwiseOldElf · 17/02/2017 08:13

Hi pickle and thnak you to all of you for your well wishes.

I am SCARED! I am actually going to do this. Blimey. Help!!!

Also relieved I am finally taking action. It's exhausting trying to control it, constantly making rules, I'll just have one, I'll only drink wine, I'll only drink on Fridays and Saturdays... enough!!

If I could control it I would have done. The truth is that after the first drink one is never enough. I want it ALL.

No more! Onward!! See you on the other side!!

LuxuryWoman2017 · 17/02/2017 09:07

Morning all,
welcome Pickle of course, just join in sharing as little or as much as you like. It is amazing how getting your thoughts out can help with staying focused, and the support is amazing.

Oh good luck again Elf see you in two weeks, all the very best.

I've read everything this week but not had time to get properly involved with NC'ing you all.

I mentioned to himself last night about 48 days wine free, he said 'yeah, you've been drinking gin instead though' WHAT? I showed him the booze stashed in the cupboard, then we realised he thought my sparkling water has been gin all along, I was surprised how defensive I felt tbh.
Anyway, hope you all have a good day.

Plans for tonight, face pack and nails, both fingers and toes. I have a few treats with the money saved from wine.

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