Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

[dementedma]

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

When I'm not drinking sorry

Sober, I think I remember you talking about your Grandmother before. You owe it to her and yourself to see her, and let your Mother do what she will. Wishing you strength x.

Flower, don't apologise, you can be as crap and weepy as you need to be here. Perhaps you are just asking too much of yourself at the moment. Some of us drink to anaesthetise the emotions, others drink to lift the tight control we exert over them. Which ever it is, alcohol is not a long term solution. Those first few days and weeks with a baby you are experiencing everything for the first time (even if it isn't your first baby), and that takes a huge amount of processing power - that is why the days seem so long - and so small. There is only so much of you to go around. In a few months, things will be different, there will be a routine (of sorts) and you will find time to work things out.

Sober that sounds so complicated and hard, I hope your visit goes OK. Sending strength.

Flowerey I know, I really do.

One thing that has surprised me since I said goodbye to the wine is this.
I have been bereaved multiple times in the last 3 years, been ill and had terrifying downturns in my finances.
I did drink to numb myself in large part, destress.
I would often end up emotional and bitter. Sobbing.
I was full of anxiety too, but I feel much less anxious now, much more able to punch life right back, stronger mentally.
Better sleep helps a lot, better esteem too.

We've all read how alcohol is a depressant but i didn't really understand and didn't realise it meant for me too

Sending love and strength to all struggling. You're all amazing and we all do the best we can with what shit is flung at us.

Modern life really is rubbish at times. Too much pressure and stress, being pulled in a million different directions, money and job worries, relationship and family problems, children demanding constantly from you, whether tiny or grown up. It's no wonder we run for the bottle to try and drown ourselves away from the pain. I think I lost myself completely for a few years when my kids were very tiny as was so overwhelmed with motherhood and never feeling I could do anything right. My bottle of wine each evening was MY time when I didn't have to talk to anyone, think about anyone or do anything but indulge in losing myself for a while.

Alcohol is very easy to turn to when chaos reigns. None of us should ever feel we deserve how we feel. We are all doing what we can,a nd the support offered here is worth so much x

..sorry..not sure that makes any sense. I hope you know what I am trying to say

You put it perfectly Dave spot on.

Thank you Lux

What pampering loveliness are you doing this evening?

Well, I've been very glamorous and cut my toenails
I'm having a lovely laze in my bed looking at Pintrest and planning all the lovely things I'll buy when things pick up.
How's things with you?

You can't underestimate a good toenail clipping!

I'm ok thanks. AF again this evening. Had a couple of beers on Saturday night as I went out with a friend for dinner and a gig, but haven't had any since.

I was temped this evening as OH out and DD was being a bugger getting ready for bed!

Going to have a few this weekend I think, just hoping I can keep myself on an even keel and not get back into my old bad habits.

I've had the odd beer and g&the but no wine since 30th December which is massive.

I'm enjoying being sober much more than being sozzled but I'm very aware it took a long time to get my head in the right place and my final earthly request would still be a massive glass of Pinot.

On a bit of a self destruct mission tonight it seems. Need to try And have some ad time but it starts tomorrow (its always tomorrow!)

sober and flowery and everyone else big hugs and

Sorry I'm so shit at the moment. But lots of love to you all

Thanks guys. I'm stressing about the need to be af for dh's headwetting on Saturday but think I'll manage one night, have my moisture bomb face mask at the ready. Think it's put me into panic mode cause I'm not allowing myself to drink.

Dave that was so wonderful to read, it is totally overwhelming, I just miss company and dh does a wonderful job but I feel a bit lost with not juggling work aswell. And you're right that wine is my time and that's how I've always seen it, maybe need to get a hobby, or stop procrastinating with my ou studies

elba

So do you guys think that we have generally addictive personalities? If it's not alcohol, it's drugs or cigarettes or affairs or something ?

And if so, why the hell cant I be addicted to exercise or healthy eating..

So do you guys think that we have generally addictive personalities?

I think that's probably true in my case. I've never done drugs (despite being in Manchester in the late 80s/early 90s when Ecstasy was a big thing), but used to smoke. Also (probably not so much now) I was highly sociable back in the day - always up for a night out, always the last to leave the party, definitely a night owl......

I see a lot of that in my youngest DC which worries me a little.

Also, I'm very all-or-nothing with food. As in either dieting (like now) with many restrictions, or really not and eating cake at coffee time. Consequently I am in a stupid pattern where I lose a stone or so between Jan and March and then put it back on over the rest of the year.

"All things in moderation." That sentence was not written for me.

I'm a bit over the top with work too, FWIW

And clearly can't even post in moderation

Hope you are all well. I'm off to bed now (attempts early night)

xxx

grumpy lol

I'm totally miserable tonight. Need to be af for a while. Thought there would be leftovers from two bottles of wine and a magners. Can't cope and I have so little to cope with compared to most of you. I only have to look after myself but can't even do that

Morning babes 😀
Isn't it amazing just how powerful a full nights sleep is.
Feeling a bit more positive today and going to do some self care today. It is something that I am absolutely rubbish at doing.
It goes back to my awful childhood which I can see but the habit of putting everyone else's needs before mine is so ingrained.
Anyway I updated my old phone yesterday mainly because it was starting to give me problems and not only did I get a brand new shiny one but it cost me less money 😁
I have bought all of the skin care stuff which you lot recommendedand now I am skint and I have rose lemonade and chocolate for tonight.
I have also downloaded " The Girl on the Train " I have read the book so am a bit nervous about watching the film but will give it a go.
I am also off to get my haircut so I will return with my swishy hair later and do a proper nc and catch up.
Hope you all have a good day 😀

elba I wish I could reach into the screen and give you a hug
How are you feeling this morning?

Morning All.

Elba I hope you got some rest, lovely. Now, don't plan, just pick something productive and do it - motivation follows action, not the other way around. Once you have one achievement, you will be motivated for another - even if it's only 'Make dippy eggs with soldiers'!

Sober, I have similar issues with attending to others first, enjoy your day.

Do we have addictive personalities? Joey, I'm not sure. I've never smoked, tried a range of drugs as a student (it was the early 90s after all), but mostly only once, I just didn't 'get it'. I could take or leave alcohol until about 13, 14 years ago, when I began to face up to the fact I was in an EA relationship. I have eaten a whole bag of caramel nibbles this morning, without really noticing. I suppose I'm saying that for me, the answer is no. I am addicted to alcohol, but that is specific.
On the other hand, when I start a new project, or interest, I do tend to read about it obsessionally - I just can't maintain it, I have issues with completing projects that borders on the clinical, I can't even finish a colouring book! (But I can finish a family sized bag of chocolate .

Grumpy

I need to get on, hope everyone else is ok Ma, how's your knee?, Mouse, hope you and your little boy are improving, Small How are you doing? And Hope, Dubh, Kalisi and all the other Babes, check keep safe.

'check in' doh!

Joey I don't know If I have an addictive personality, I don't eat a lot (which you wouldn't know with my flabby frame), I do smoke but I can take and leave it a lot of the time. I've never done drugs either but I think my problem is boredom and feeling overwhelmed, so every time I feel an episode where I'm completely past knowing what to do I drink. I was always out when I was younger before dh meeting the lads for a few pints after work etc. But I'm one of those I have so much to do I can't focus and having a glass of wine is the only thing that I know I can get done. Sorry reading that it's a weird ramble

Tisme I'm the same with the putting others first, that's something that has been a problem since I was really little to be honest. Ooh tell us how the film is, I just finished the book and loved it so hope the films good

But I'm one of those I have so much to do I can't focus and having a glass of wine is the only thing that I know I can get done

I SO get that, Flower.