Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

[dementedma]

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

Hello, hurleygirl - and welcome!

Same old here last night. Didn't have gin in, or wine, but didn't want to spend any £££ on fresh bottles so drank quite a lot of dry vermouth I found at the back of the cupboard. Bleargh. Serves me right, eh?! I just want this over with really... but am also scared about the concept of living sans booze. Having to have emotions. Imagine!?!

For me, it isn't about the drink really. I mean it IS, obviously... but it's not JUST that. It's about running away, feeling overwhelmed, not being able to ask for help, being scared, thinking "sod it"... being tired of being "good", being fed up of being the organised one, the parent, the grown up, wanting to sit on the floor like a toddler and bang my heels.

(If any of that made sense.)

Good to see you Hurley and glad it is helping - it's a tough time you're going through, but , reshifting the focus onto you and your DDs should be a help - you're only responsible for them and you.

Lux, I'm hoping so - the sun coming out is a lovely big, bright light bulb, so literal and metaphoric!

Elf no need for shock or blushes. I have been at the back of that cupboard - Bacardi (Hate rum) Whiskey (don't like whiskey) Sweet wine (Blargh! Can't bear it, and it makes me sneeze and turn purple)!

Work is beginning to calm down - still mad busy, but not quite in the same 'filling up every corner of my brain'-way. Best get back to it.

Welcome hurley

Okay, another question, the hairdresser said that before doing the highlights they would dye the whole lot brown (same as my natural colour) why would they do that?

Getting nervous about it now! also just had a row with teenage DD and immediately went out and bought wine. At least I've learned from last weeks mistake, and only bought a small bottle...

Joey Not sure, I can only assume it's so your hair is a uniform colour before the highlights go on, do you have any greys in your hair? You can't lighten grey only darken it.

I'm imagining you with lovely Jennifer Aniston caramel hair.

That wine won't help you know (I know you know) can you leave it in the car?
Tomorrow you will be a swishy haired goddess, swishy haired goddesses don't drink wine

Not sure Joey - I have brown put through mine with foils (three colours) I've only had a pre-colour done when I've changed radically - all over red and burgundy is a bugger to get rid of . Save the wine for another time.

Got my Rose Lemonade on ice, no need to wine tonight (so far).

Evening all,

grumpy my shift patterns aren't really unusual- just hours are condensed into long shifts generally. I'm sort of reluctant to say exactly what I do, which is silly really considering the amount of potentially identifying stuff I do put on. It's nothing too unusual though!

Hurley welcome.

Sweet you sound so resolute and positive.

I've spent my afternoon running up and down a hill, as you do Not the most fun activity, but the views were worth it. Seem to be getting a cold though, and my backs playing up, both of which I'm ignoring as I need to run obsessive personality shining through

Off out to dinner shortly. I'm not af, but will try and control it and enjoy myself. Can't see the point in not socialising so as to not drink then drinking anyway!

That looks lovely, Elba - have a lovely evening.

Rose lemonade are is FAB!
Day 2 of low carb so day 2 AF. So have headache and am mega grumpy with sugar withdrawal.

I must try this rose lemonade, sounds lovely.
I'm going to sleep now and hope you all get a lovely snorey, sweet dreamy night.

Night everybabe.

Night all

Drinking doesn't stop me feeling anymore. The anaesthetic has worn off. Where the fuck does that leave me though? Essentially drunk and emotional, and totally fucking inept at expressing any of this in words in real life. I have a therapist, I've been seeing her for six months and saw her this morning...and sat there not able to say what was in my head at all. Tonight at dinner I could do small talk but in my head I'm heading for the train. I have so much to say and no way to say it. I can try looking at minutiae and specifics and analysing everything but the whole is a fucking massive confusing mess. So so sick of this. I have never tried so hard in my life to sort myself out as I have the last year, but still feel like a freak. Maybe it's alcohol talking or maybe it's me- I feel fine, but either way I despise myself.

elba that sounds so hard. We're here and listening,a strong group of babes who've been through all kinds of crap. It strikes me that a year isn't very long, took me much longer than that to feel ok about myself and I think you've had some awful things happen to you.
It will get better but it will probably be a slow gradual get better.
No despising please, just snuggle down on your seat with blankets. Hope today is a better one for you, let us know if you need a hand hold.x

Elba, you are sorting yourself out. Healing is not a quick process, you are working through years of hurt and struggle, at the very least, you need a month for every year. I don't say that to be dispiriting, but to say that you shouldn't hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. You are better than last year, but you may/will need another year, maybe two. A year sounds like a long time, but it's really not. What it is is 365 small improvements. Think what another 365 could do.

As Guggs said were here. We have broad collective shoulders. Pour it out to us if it's easier, perhaps that will help you formulate what you want to say in RL.

You spent the evening holding yourself together, and maintaining the confident, together front you think people want and need to see (well maybe some do, but they're not important). That takes emotional energy, and there is only so much to go around, which is why you feel so raw and deflated now.

Take care of yourself today.

Morning All.

Day five - I have a hideous spot just under my nose - looks like a bogey.

On the upside, sleep was good. I didn't fall asleep pass out on the sofa. Bed at 10.30, sleep by 11. Woke up at 6 and feeling fit for the day.

Morning all.
Another one Elba saying all this is part of it. Trying to sort ourselves out, deal with the past (and the long process of even recognising it's effects first) takes time.
I'm a bit older than you and am still sometimes having lightbulb moments about myself and my psyche which once realised, seem so damn obvious!
I too do a nice line in self-loathing but it's not real and we can sort it.
Even having our metaphorical eyes open is a good start.
for you. Here's another day.

Morning all,
Elba I agree with the others, healing is a process and can take a long time.

We are all here to listen m'dear, I expect we have all been through times of self loathing, that most destructive of emotions.
From everything you have written on these threads, personally I think you totally rock, you work hard, you train hard, you are intelligent and sound kind, what's not to like?
I hope you can be kind to yourself today, and if that cold is coming take care of yourself.

Glad you had a great sleep sweet a spot under the nose is a downer, hopefully it will go down soon.

Lux, I going with the thought that I don't actually have to look at it

Feeling a bit twitchy. I haven't got as much done as I wanted at work

I really want a glass of wine. I don't. I want something - it wasn't brie and salad baguette, or a Boost bar. Taken the dog for a walk. Good thing he's not allowed in the bar

It will pass.

It will pass Sweet keep busy and hydrated, not being thirsty is a big thing for me, if I'm a bit hungry and feeling thirsty the craving strikes.

You're right, Lux, just got home, I've gone for a long glass of Sanpellegrino Blood Orange with crushed ice - sugar and thirst done in one hit .

Now, back to the marking.

Thank you all reading your lovely words helps so much.

Not having a great day. Full of cold, a bit hungover and ridiculously emotional. I have so much I meant to get done today but getting dressed feels like too much an effort. Just tired of all the ups and downs- don't feel in control of my emotions or thoughts at all. Stuff keeps coming into my head and I have no control of it at all, then it's gone before I can process it. It's tiring. Think that's why running helps so much- music on, just have to concentrate on maintaining pace and keeping going. But feel too rough to run today.

Sorry to sound so negative. Weirdly quite pleased that I feel a bit ill as have an excuse to just wallow and hibernate for the day.

It's exhausting, Elba, but you need to look after yourself now. Running is supposed to be great as a temporary relief from colds! Or you could pick a good film, make a Hot Chocolate and sip it from inside your duvet.

Checking in
Sorry to have been MIA and no support but I have been dealing with some painful stuff in RL.
I didn't feel able to join in with the banter although it has made me smile 😀
My lovely gran is dying and has asked to see me however my batshit crazy mother who has no contact with her is going ballistic because I have said that I will be visiting my gran within the next couple of days.
My gran was the only one to show me any love in my childhood and tried her best to protect me from my crazy mother.
I am going to say not only goodbye but thank you.
I expect a phone call to say that my mother is ill due to my actions .......but I have to go.
Luckily I have a wonderful DH who is supporting me otherwise I just wouldn't have the strength to defy my mother.
Sorry I am not much support but I will be back to cheer you all on soon
Love sober x

Tisme and Elba big hugs to you both and

I've had a shitty day, nothing compared to you both, but I can't help thinking is the ability to feel and speak about my feelings why I drink.

Do we all just push everything down down hidden beneath layers of sauv blanc (or insert beverage here) just to be able to articulate emotions. I can't remember the last time I spoke to dh about how I was feeling sober. I don't speak to anyone about the stuff I feel without a drink in me. Probably why people think I'm such a hard nosed bitch a lot of the time to be honest.

I want to be able to feel when I'm. It drinking but then I'm sober and can't handle how much feelings I even have. Having a weepy crap night sorry. Just feel like I've lost everything again with a newborn, every days the same and I don't speak to anyone. The school run for ds is the only social interaction I have and I miss work even though that place is awful