Husband wants to sleep with other women.

[User2410]

Hi everybody I'm new to this, had a previous post in a different name but thought it was abit incriminating.
Anyway. I just think I need some pep talks and writing about it helps my anxiety. Basically me and DH have been together 7 years. 4 year wedding anniversary next week and he's just joined the police. He started his initial training last week and on the weekend he returned we had a big row because he had gone round a colleagues on the way home for a cup of tea with her parents instead of coming home to me and his children. I found messages that they'd beend exchanging throughout the week and they were far too flirtatious. And then all of that gets dropped because he says he doesn't want to me with me anymore. That he's been pretending everything is fine for about 2 years when it's not and that he needs this 5 months during training to have some time. So he's asking me for 'time'.
I asked him if he wants to sleep with someone else he said he doesn't want to sleep with loads of people he just wants that connection.

He says he loves me and doesn't know if he's making the right decision but he feels a weight has been lifted. It's all come as a shock and I just want him to come back to me.

Such a non-commital response. OP, you know he isn't invested in you. What he wrote in the card is true- He could not have done the police training without you as who would look after the home and the children??

You are convenient for him.

I'd be gutted to be somebody's convenience. Not their lover or partner. Just the person that did the shit that they didn't want to.

Can you speak to any friends?

I think there are a lot of unnecessary generalisations about police on this thread. I've worked in 2 police forces and the OPs decision to cheat, is nothing to do with his career choice.

It strikes me that he wasn't mature enough for marriage or a family and . his weak comment about her getting someone else to raise his children says it all.

hes stringing u along like i said earlier and also for convenience nothing else

doesnt matter what he wrote in a card he was just biding his time

can u honestly sleep with him again if/when he shags around

I have quite a few friends in police force. Sadly I have to say, despite whatever other posters say, my experience is that everyone is at it - shagging/affairs.

You have been so strong, just stick to your guns and tell him he is free to fuck off and fuck whoever he wants, but his family life is over.

I am sure you will be far happier without all this stress.

Sandy - it is well known that infidelity is rife in the police force so don't get defending them. And that was told to me from a senior police officer who I know.

OP I hope you have come to your senses.

So, from his words, it looks like he regrets his second child. :( B***d.

I know someone who was in a similar situation. Both married before they turned 20, had a child later and after he had turned 30 he decided to have some fun. He would come and go, come and go and eventually she told him to not to come. Now, the lady has a very nice man, who is a great role figure to her child while her XH is with another woman. He blames her that he couldn't stay with her as he didn't have enough time for his hobbies. Now, he has plenty of time for his hobbies but still doesn't see his child regularly.

Empress
I did not say it doesn't happen in the police force, but not everybody in the police force is doing it. A fair few of my friends are police and it's the calling them 'pigs' that was unnecessary by a PP.

The OPs DH hasn't been a good husband from well before he joined the police force. Let's not make excuses and act like him joining up has caused this.

In my work with relationship support, there have been a large number of WS who are teachers, salesmen, police, military personnel, IT workers, doctors and nurses.

I have first hand experience of dating someone for a long time who was in the force. The stories he told me.. (make your hair curl)

Then, like the people he'd derided - he turned into one of them.

The sheer volume of his colleagues who had lost their commutations or pensions or both because they'd had extra-marital affairs with their colleagues was staggering. Sad egotistical megalomaniac little boys - led by the winkies and intoxicated by the perceived 'power' they hold.

I'm sorry to say, your position sounds awful. He's playing the big I. Am in front of young impressionable future WPC's. Please ignore his criticisms. They're a weak justification for his appalling behaviour - which might not have happened yet, but it sure smells like he wants it to.

You're worth more than that x