Thread for those who have left marriages that weren't AWFUL, just unsatisfying (pt. III) (1000 Posts)

[Porffor]

As the title says - carried forward from first two threads.

Lots of emails batting backwards and forwards this solicitor today so feels like things are finally moving. I've got the draft petition and form e to fill in for financial disclosure. Looks like I'm going to be busy over the weekend.. is 30 pages!!!

iron the politeness is so suffocating isn't it? I feel so much stronger with solicitors involved as I have said to myself not to get embroiled in any conversations or arguments any more. I'm paying them to deal with all that now!

Self indulgent post - sorry.
I put £20 in his a/c on Thursday which he has boozed away. I do not begrudge- have done my fair share recently but just as I was leaving the house I said "do you need me to do anything before I go?" And he muttered so I said "what??!" And he said "Money? I've got about £3".

I am a money machine. I didn't give him any because I am a nasty bitch obv. Oh and it's Mother's Day tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that at all. Fakeness in front of him. So sick to death of this.

Chipshopninja, sounds like you're having a tough time, I think he sounds horrendously insensitive and selfish.. You and dd are ones who deserve better. Iron, yes they are so good at self pity..and acting entitled. I wouldn't give him a penny either.. Good for you

How are you all doing?

Hi everyone...all going good here.. Dds are settled, they have told me that they do miss him sometimes but are happier in house, still settling into some kind of routine for them to see him( he's only 5 mins away) but he's so disorganised! How's everyone doing?

Hurley - did you move out with your girls and leave him in the family home?

Hello, I've been lurking for AGES. And had my own thread in chat. 3 DC, 20+ years together, different backgrounds, he has a problem taking responsibility, I have a problem asking for what I genuinely want/people pleaser/rescuer. Not a bad man but a def 4th child.

So, I think he just left. Tell me, those of you who have separated because it just didn't work for you, how did you feel when you were on your own for the first time?

I feel about 600 different emotions and I'm not sure about any decision I've made.

So, things seem to be moving on for me at last. We have finally told the children which makes it now seem very real and we are due to move in 2 weeks. The atmosphere in the house has improved and we are communicating a little bit better about the kids. I am feeling really scared now about all of the changes that a going to happen but I'm also excited for the future (I think!).

You know what someone told me, whilst a split up is horrendous, it opens up future possibilities and who knows what they might be.

Hi all. Ive just read this thread (the previous ones were tooooo big!). I feel like i have so much in common with you all except i couldnt bear for my husband to be with anyone else nor me with anyome else. I dont know what that means though. We barely talk, slept separately for ages, i do the donkey work around the house whilst he sits on the sofa watching shit. I think if i posted requests like "can you empty the bins or switch the dishwasher off" on facebook he would be more likely to do it. He is more concerned about how many likes his posts get. The more housework i do, the more pissed off he gets with me as it shows him up. I too dread the weekends. Why cant airbnb be cheaper?? Id be oilut every weekend. I feel like im slowly dying. He is a good 'catch', ie, smart, high earner, has his own teeth!!. Im very much expected to be subsurvient to him as im apparently very lucky to be married to someone like him. That spark/ passion has gone. How can you find someone who never helps you, is not interested in anything you are, doesnt talk to you, spends all his time on his phone attractive?

Hi Iron, no he moved because dds wanted to stay in their own house, was best thing for them.
Why are we so brainwashed into thinking we are 'lucky ' to have men like this? They are the lucky ones to get away with their shit...

Hi all, Hurley, Iron et al.
I'm in our marital home for my last night can you believe it. It's been the longest break up ever, so much for being gone in January.
I was going to move in the Easter hols then I thought it would prob be a mare moving things with the kids at home so I've fast forwarded. It means the house isn't ready but it'll do and it'll be easier for me to carry on whilst living there now.
Exdh has been pretty ok overall helping me and very little aggro which I was dreading.
We haven't really sorted things re where children will be on the holidays but the term time is sortedish. The kids want to choose the clothes they'll have at mine which is worrying me a little in case they end up with very little at mine and it being more a holiday home.
I'll try and post tomorrow first night. Wish me luck.

Good luck Shandy. Hope the move goes well. 9 more days for me, I can't wait to get my keys.

Hi hi. Welcome newbies. Shandy, BadHair, Hurley .
So I am going to the council tom after school run to see if I am able to get a housing association or cheaper rent at least. I am so, so done as previously stated. When I told him this it was met by "there are refugees with 8 or 9 kids on those lists". Fine. If he wants to be negative on every single bloody option that I suggest just proves why I am where I am. It's extremely difficult to remain positive!!
Also - I hadn't realised how difficult it is to divorce without unreasonable behaviour ! What a farce.

Good luck Iron. Hope you can get something sorted soon.

Good luck Iron. My route was relatively easy as I could afford to get my small house but still I felt trapped and that he would stop me somehow. I've had the negative attitude all the way as well. Just keep moving towards your goal.
I'm here and feel so relieved and peaceful to have made it to my little house. I'm a little concerned about the kids as he's not good at holding things in in front of them sadness or anger and my youngest is so sensitive she cries whenever she sees anyone upset or angry let alone a grown man. But I get to see them first thing.
Good luck Badhair it's a hard journey to take to separation. I'm not even thinking divorce yet it's too stressful.

Hey everyone, welcome to newbies.

Getting somewhere here. Mediation went well. Have agreed shared custody (which is what I wanted, we've always parented completely equally) and have a timeline both for telling DS and also hopefully for moving.

DH still won't talk about it unless he absolutely has to. Everything is just… proceeding. Which feels weird. I also end up second guessing myself (we're just being so good about being reasonable about everything, it almost feels ridiculous we're splitting at all), but then I think back and I know nothing would ever change and I could never cope with things continuing as they were.

All the hardest stuff is still to come, but… getting there.

Good luck Shandy, hope things went well today..Looks like things are moving for lots of us, we all at different stages but going in right direction ladies,

Thank you all. Yes kids here and settled. Just worrying about finances and family or rather lack of family contact at this time. They've known the news since mid Jan and I've had a few texts fallen out with my Mum over what should have been a trivial thing and then had almost no contact from anyone for four weeks.
I should tell them I've moved but I'm putting it off wondering how long will it be before they contact. My ds has had a standing invite to see the house for the last three weeks and nothing.

Sorry by ds I mean sister. Oops

I'm going around in a loop over what to do accommodation wise. I have got my name down on a housing list but that could take months. I really want to leave but it's going to be mega expensive to keep up my half of the mortgage and rent. Should I just sell this house? If I move out will I be entitled to any tax credits? Guess I should go to citizens advice.

Strange weekend. We are amicable at last. I guess I should be rejoicing but sleeping on the sofa is killing me...

Hope you are all good