Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

I think your profile sounds fine, info. (although I'd be put off by the mention of being into cars, but have to stress- that's just me! Don't change on my account!). But it sounds like you're not messaging many people??

I posted on the last thread that I was downhearted because I'd sent five- five! messages, and only received one reply, and that a brush off (I've been on OKC for about 6 weeks, by the way). They were all carefully crafted and personalised, sent to men I thought were interesting (sulks).

I have received various other messages, but they've all been of the "How r u?" variety....I did answer one, out of curiosity (and because his photo looked nice) but it was pretty painful: "Hi, I see there's not much on your profile- like to tell me about yourself?" "What do u want to know?" "Well....let's start with what have you been up to today?" "Working". At which point I bailed....

I did get messaged by, and go on a date with, one man- thought he was OK but not really right for me.....when he realised I didn't want to see him again he sent me a horrible message calling me a "fucking bitch", among other pleasantries. Nice!!

My profile is really quite long, rambling and, er, "quirky".....but then, that's the kind of profile I like to see in blokes! In a way, it's difficult seeing others refer to this whole thing as a numbers game, because I live rurally, and am an intellectual, artistic type looking for similar, so that's the potential numbers slashed. Mind you, when I was last on OKC I ended up getting together with the first person I went on a date with, and we went on to have DS2 together (then we split up, but anyhoo. Onwards and upwards).

Having said all this, I DID receive an answer to one of my messages some days ago! It's someone who checks OKC very rarely (he said). He does sound interesting, and we're due to meet next Saturday. It's weird having to wait so long though (we both have various commitments)- we have been texting quite a lot, but I don't know how much investment I want to put into constant texting before we've met. I'd be quite happy not to text him for a few days, but hope he doesn't go cold or get offended by that....

God, I realise, how wanky saying I'm intellectual is.....Um...replace that with "into books and alternative shit"

I'm.into some of that stuff too, it's hard to know what to put into a profile really as what attracts someone, puts someone else off.

I like writing poetry now and again, spoken word style, I don't mention that in my profile because it's a niche thing that could put people off. I wrestled with mentioning my car interest as I know how off putting it might sound. I wanted to be clear on it because the second they saw my car, they'd know this was something beyond just having a car anyway. Maybe I should take that out. It's a big interest though and I don't want to sound like I have no interests.

The town I'm outside of is fairly rural too. I'm an hour from the bigger places. A LOT of the women who show up on here are an hour or more away and that is a bit of a blocker right away.

Don't listen to me about interests! I'm sure the majority of women either like- or don't mind- men with nice cars! (OK, the first thing that put me off Mr Last Date was pulling up in the pub car park at precisely the same moment as him and thinking "Oooh.....that's not him in the shiny BMW is it? Oh.......fuck." But again, I'm sure the majority of women would have reacted differently to that).

However, perhaps you could include the spoken word poetry as nicely balancing out the car interest?

info please just be yourself!
If you like cars...say so! If you're interested in running...say that! Please just be honest and the right person will like, you for you. No point not mentioning something you are really into just to please a person you don't even know. You honestly come across very well. So stick to being you

Thank you for that, that's very nice of you to say. I agree with the premise of just being yourself and the match hopefully turns up. It's the idea that something like that could put someone off at this stage who wouldn't mind it at all if we met and got on. Still, you're right.

I might drop a little one in about the poetry because it does add a little extra layer.

Ah, but lotso - you may actually be gorgeous.

I don't know, obviously. But I know my ex - a couple of my exes actually, were actually stunningly beautiful, model-like, but thought they were okay. They simply couldn't believe that they were very attractive even though I told them they were and I could see other people stopping to look, sometimes.

However, laziness is shit.

I find it hard to find many people to message. Profiles always have something really off putting in them. So many women are heavily passive aggressives. Listing all the things they don't want, if you are this or that then 'jog on' etc. It's awful.

Eight photos all holding a drink like it's a trophy of some sort. Also, if I see someone self declare as attractive, I move on straight away. Sorry, as the spectator, that's my choice not yours!

Its a bit concerning that once you weed out the awful profiles including the worst type 'just ask', it doesn't leave many.

Info, I think your profile is fine, I like men who like cars because I also like cars and going to car shows ( some women do ), why lie or hide your interests, surely you want someone who shares some of your interests? Don't worry about not getting many messages, you don't want messages from crazy people ( a lot of people on POF do seem crazy or just after sex ), it's worth waiting to get a match with someone.

Ha!

My pof profile headline is 'you had me at 'will fill this bit in later..'

Cos I'm a sarcastic bastard. And why should I bother messaging anyone who can't spend ten minutes thinking and typing, that doesn't bode well. I want to meet someone who can string a sentence together, and also make time to meet me. So many women have one or two nights a fortnight to meet someone, - no sitters, no free time - and you can't build a relationship with that.

But also, my pof profile is doing very well, lots of views, lots of messages, so apparently sarcastic works.

Nothing I'd love more than to get a message from someone who loves cars too. I just know that mentioning it could put off women at this stage. Based on what I've seen so far, there doesn't seem to be a lot of women out there who mention cars on their profiles.

Ahh ! Ive read more passive aggressive male profiles in the last while. They make me run for the hills. I'm across the Irish sea otherwise id be having a nosy at your profiles myself. I'm not at all confident physically, so run scared when guys suggest hook-ups.

Ahh ! Ive read more passive aggressive male profiles in the last while. They make me run for the hills. I'm across the Irish sea otherwise id be having a nosy at your profiles myself. I'm not at all confident physically, so run scared when guys suggest hook-ups.

Sorry . It's a double edged sword, this O L D craic. Im learning as I go along what I find acceptable boundary-wise, as well as trying not to judge those who don't fall at my feet! It's been an eye-opening, stomach-churning ride so far. Talent pool where I live is dismal.

Sorry . It's a double edged sword, this O L D craic. Im learning as I go along what I find acceptable boundary-wise, as well as trying not to judge those who don't fall at my feet! It's been an eye-opening, stomach-churning ride so far. Talent pool where I live is dismal.

Bant I might pinch and tweak your tag line a bit! I'm sarcastic too.

I did try something a couple of weeks ago as a pure out of interest test. This was just to see if my looks/photos are a major blocker or just possibly part of a bigger problem. I believe the results of this test add to the theory that this is all one big numbers game.

I set my Tinder account to men and women. I swiped right on five guys who I thought would be universally classed as good looking. Don't worry about their feelings, they'll get plenty of matches. Out of the five, three matched me. Compare that to the fact I can swipe a hundred women and get no matches.

The number of gay people is obviously way less so their choice pool is way less and I think that makes their numbers game a lot lower.

Or maybe I just look gay. I dunno, ha ha!

Bant, I love your headline, that's top quality!!

Definitely not gorgeous bant but I take your point. I've got good features (beautiful eyes and a cracking arse) but not conventionally beautiful or eye-catching by any stretch of the imagination! Although I've got a date tomorrow so will see!

Your tagline made me snort and I would have messaged you off the back of it, so sarcasm does work!

So had my first date tonight. A really nice guy, very clever, has had a really interesting career and flies aeroplanes for a living. He'd make a great friend but I just didn't fancy him.

He'd made a couple of references in his messages about putting on heels and going dancing. So I duly put on my only pair, well when he rocked up he was teeny. I'm 5'6 and I towered above him. I work in a crèche and it was like being on a date with one of the kids from work.

He was a lovely guy but I just didn't feel any spark, would like to be friends with him though as it was a pleasure to chat with him. I'm not sure how I'd raise that without hurting his feelings.

Oh and I forgot to say, one of the other guys on Tinder asked me for English lessons which is my second job. I really thought it was a euphemism for something else. Came today and turns out he did want English lessons.

But he was wearing a very shiny wedding ring, so not sure what he was doing on Tinder and messaging me initially.

If you don't fancy him it's a waste of time totally. Being friendzoned is never a good feeling but it's nice to have friends.

Hello, been lurking a while now. Last night I had date no 3 Mr Art. He has not at all made a move, even though we went to the cinema date 3, and has talked about kissing me in messages. We are in touch every day, he is very sweet.
Yesterday after the date he asked whether I thought he would have tried to kiss me by now, And I said 'probably' and he said he was very shy, and that he wanted to. I said that must be hard for dating and he agreed.
I don't know how I feel about this, I appreciate he may genuinely be shy but now I'm worried he may have ishoos or just generally may not have much drive, if that makes sense...has anyone had similar happen?

Tricky one that as I can see where he's coming from. Have you made it clear that you're interested? I went on a couple of dates with someone once who gave absolutely nothing away and so I saw no signs that it was okay to do anything like that. I mentioned this later as we chatted online for a bit and she said she always took her time to suss people out and see if she liked them and it took longer for her than a couple of dates. So just simply being on a second or more date is not necessarily enough sign for us that you like us.

Buzz, did you want to kiss him? Maybe he wanted you to make the first move?
My first relationship after separating from exh it took us till the very end of a 3rd date having spent the whole day together to kiss. I just was not ready as had not been that intimate with anyone other than exh for 10+ years so it took me time to allow someone new into my space. Maybe it's something like that and he'll loosen up once the kissing barrier has fallen?

Buz, I think he's trying to be a gent and wants you to make the first move, I think he was hinting for you to kiss him. Mr MOD was the same on our date so I made the move, I think it's quite sweet and I don't think it means he lacks drive, he's just worried in case he kisses you and you don't want him too. If you like him then make the move, it will break the ice and then you might see how driven he actually is.

Info, if people don't like the car thing then that's their problem, I would rather know that a guy is into cars and are likely to spend their spare time under the bonnet or at car shows ( I would be happy to go but yes there are a lot of women that might not be so keen ), I mention cars on my profile, some guys get all alpha male about it and there guys love it. I have even used photos of my car on my profile ( last time I did online dating ). This time my profile has been quite basic with 3 photos of me, so many many message and it's clear they have not read my profile at all, they have just looked at the photos and though 'she looks fit...' and then send me a random message.