Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

I always do personal messages, I've never done a copy and paste bulk job before. I guess my profile does sound pretty tame but I figured the family type women would like that. I wanted to keep it realistic too.

The sharp haircut thing, I have a very short skinhead, complete hairline. Along with the sharp clothes in the profile picture it looks sharp rather than aggressive or bad boy. (I think/hope).

I live near a big town but it's not major for choice. Keep seeing the same faces all the time on POF. They vanish for a few weeks then come back when it goes wrong again, I assume.

I did ask a friend what he thought I was doing wrong and he said whenever I do get messaging anyone, I don't for too long and they vanish, he reckons I need to get in quicker to meet them.

InfoSec - I share your frustration. I'm new to this and I've had a couple of first dates (and a couple more lined up this week) but not much else.
I will look at the profile pic first - so it needs to be a reasonably clear face shot, - then I'll read the profile.
I hate to say it but there are too many "I'm a nice, friendly, family guy" profiles out there. I want to read something a little different - something I can ask you about in a first message.
Also I like to keep asking open questions so they have to reply (or ignore me!). I'll quickly drop someone if I ask say 'what are your plans for the weekend' and they reply 'chilling'. That's not really a conversation.
And your friend's right - I'm not on there for a penpal - I want to be asked on a date, so ask quickly then follow up with more chat before the date.
Good Luck!

Agree that profiles must be interesting and intriguing. You want to be able to ask them about themselves based on their profile. Never ever compliment a woman in your first message - it shows you swiped her profile based on her looks alone.

I sent a final message to Mr Cook - telling him that I felt I deserved better than to be ignored and to wish him well with his future. it was matter of fact and without sentiment. (although I didn't feel that way...). I have archived his whatsapp chat and unmatched with him on Bumble. he's not blocked - but I won't be contacting him again. Feel a bit sad about it, but it is true, I do deserve better.

In the meantime it looks like i might be heading out on a second date with Mr Intellectual this evening before he leaves the country on Monday. He is moving heaven and earth to meet with me especially as he is visiting friends and family all weekend. I am hoping for more of a spark on a second date and well, it is helping with the Mr Cook thing.

Thanks for the info, I guess I need to make it stand out a bit more. I'll need to think about that photo too as if nobody is coming in to view me, it doesn't matter what the content says.

I never fire a compliment in a first message. I know that's one of the golden rules :)

It's such a difficult turf isn't it. So much competition and never finding out the reason why someone doesn't respond, makes for no feedback.

Infosec, I flick through a lot of profiles on POF, I have become quite fussy, so here is a list of what I hate on profiles (or just doesn't appeal to me;

• Bathroom selfies or any selfies stood in front of a mirror (makes me wonder if they have no friends to take a photo for them and if so why have they got no friends).

• Gym selfies, men showing off their muscles, I'm all for keeping fit, I go to the gym myself but I don't feel the need to take photos of myself in my gym gear flexing my muscles.

• People who have young children and/or photos of said children on a persons profile, just personal preference but I'm not looking for a man with young kids.

• Photos where the person/woman next to them has been fuzzed out or cut out, just seems odd and I have seen it a lot ( photos with the ex girlfriend ).

• I don't like it when people write loads, a short bit about yourself is fine. A essay about your whole life, how you have travelled all over the world and personal details about your past is not needed at this stage.

• Topless photos are a no no, I just want to see a natural shot of your face and shoulders or a photo of you doing something exciting (walking up a mountain, surfing) as a extra photo not main photo.

And now for what I look for when I'm looking for mr right:

• someone who doesn't like going out every night drinking with his mates or spending 24 hours on his PlayStation. I look for someone who likes to be outdoors, likes to keep reasonably fit but also likes eating a take away or stuffing their face with cake.

• Someone who looks confident but not too confident (again no topless muscle flexing type stuff).

• Someone who has a passion for something, a hobby (art, photogrophy, outdoor sports or something similar) rather than sitting on the sofa watching movies or gaming.

• Someone who works, I'm not too fussy what they do but as long as they work.

• Someone who doesn't live too far away (broke this rule this time but hey).

• Someone who does not live with their parents or in a bed sit, I like to know that a person is settled and they are not just looking for a place to live by finding a relationship with someone who has a house.

• must be able to drive.

• I'm not too fussy about smoking but I would prefer if they didn't smoke.

• A cheerful face on their profile pic, so many people on POF look so serious and grumpy.

I think that's it, my profile is quite basic, my profile picture is of my face and I have a couple other photos of me doing various things and one of me dressed smartly (doesn't happen often). I was getting a lot of messages and was asked out on loads of dates, only been on 2 dates though as most of these men have not ticked my boxes, I have now taken myself off as I don't feel right messaging others when I'm kind of dating someone.

I think the best thing to say in a first message is "Hi, hope your having a good day/weekend, really like the look of your profile, I see with have X and Y in common and wondered if you would like to chat?"

I get som many messages saying "you look hot" , "You look really fit can I see more photos?" and just the boring "Hi" (nothing else). I ignore these

That's great information thank you. I'm wondering now if my current profile is too long or not. I'll copy it in the next post below and if anyone would critique it, that would be great. Any bits that are good or bad, I can adjust or remove.

For photos, I do have selfies but not in a mirror. I have a pic out with friends and a holiday pic too just to show I've been somewhere. I don't have my daughter in any pics. No gym pics, no topless or on a bed looking like a completely idiot.

Here is my profile. I'm being brave here, feel free to rip it to shreds!

I'm a Geordie guy, this means I'm warm and friendly with a good accent rather than any of the other stereotypes! Let's also clear up the 'stats of concern's thing, car/job/house = yes.

I like adventures. Road trips. Going somewhere new. Going somewhere nice. Eating out, lovely country pubs. Reading, films, music. Love music. Music crazy actually. My car is quite a passion for me, I get out to car shows and have met a lot of lovely people through this.

I'm not your typical man really. I won't moan about coming clothes shopping with you, I'd suggest it. I won't be away at the football, I don't watch it. I won't roll in drunk, I barely drink. I have a 10yr old daughter so if you have kids that's absolutely fine of course.

I have tats. I know, I know, doesn't everyone these days. I'm in the middle of a sleeve though so I need to state that because some people really can't stand them. I'll probably do the other arm too because well, symmetry ya know.

Looking to get back into fitness this year, would be lovely to have some to do that together with. Formerly big into running, Kickboxing and weights. I do like a good walk, we live in such a beautiful area for that.

I'll end with some special powers:

I have a friend who is a well known 80s singer. This means going to some gigs and being all VIP and special. Wanna come along?
I can do the Rubik's Cube.
If it plugs in, I usually know how it works.
I'd go visit your mom for a cuppa even if you weren't there too.

What's your special powers?

info you sound pretty similar to what I was looking for when I was on dating sites. I probably would have right-swiped you

I agree with PP about things that were generally off putting, but don't forget that one person's perfect is another's complete wrong. Lots of women might look for someone sporty/outdoorsy/active. That actively put me off - I've got fibromyalgia and with the best will in the world can't climb a mountain so it was senseless marching with someone who was passionate about to and wanted to be on the hills every weekend as it wouldn't be something we could do together.

I also went for a bit of snappy wit, and something I could ask a question about. MrLD's written profile was four words but it was enough to intrigue me and gave me an opener to message him with when we matched.

Cross posted.

You sound lovely, but I think that's way too long. Summarise - what are you key points? What are you looking for? Friendly Geordie dad, looking for someone to share blah blah blah.

Then get your humour in with superpowers - electrical wizard, charmer of mothers, Rubiks whizz. Let's see if your superpowers are compatible...

Let's also clear up the 'stats of concern's thing, car/job/house = yes.

I have a friend who is a well known 80s singer. This means going to some gigs and being all VIP and special. Wanna come along?

Yea, sorry you really need to go with less is more.

Okay so too long, that's cool. Any idea specifically what I should cut out? I don't wanna trim the good bits!!! :)

Yes excellent post also on one person's perfect is another person's nightmare. I also avoided heavy gym users when I wasn't one myself.

Scratch that, edited. Latest copied:

I'm a Geordie guy, this means I'm warm and friendly with a good accent rather than any of the other stereotypes!

I like adventures. Road trips. Going somewhere new. Going somewhere nice. Eating out, lovely country pubs. Reading, films, music. Love music. Music crazy actually. My car is quite a passion for me, I get out to car shows and have met a lot of lovely people through this.

I'm not your typical man really. I won't moan about coming clothes shopping with you, I'd suggest it. I won't be away at the football, I don't watch it. I won't roll in drunk, I barely drink. I have a 10yr old daughter so if you have kids that's absolutely fine of course.

Looking to get back into fitness this year, would be lovely to have some to do that together with. Formerly big into running, Kickboxing and weights. I do like a good walk, we live in such a beautiful area for that.

I'll end with some special powers:

I can do the Rubik's Cube.
If it plugs in, I usually know how it works.
I'd go visit your mom for a cuppa even if you weren't there too.

What's your special powers?

Looking to get back into fitness this year, would be lovely to have some to do that together with. Formerly big into running, Kickboxing and weights. I do like a good walk, we live in such a beautiful area for that.

I'm not your typical man really.

I'm a Geordie guy, this means I'm warm and friendly with a good accent rather than any of the other stereotypes!

You have quite a few passive aggressive digs at other men you're coming across like you think you're actually better then them.

Info you probably need to sort your photos out if you are not getting any matches on tinder, barely anyone reads the comments on there.

Your whole "typical man" paragraph is quite negative I think... depending on your pics I wouldn't swipe right because the tone is a bit "off"...I can't really explain why. Also the "let's clear up the stats of concern"...it's like you're angry about being asked all the time about it, a bit "first things first"

I can't pinpoint exactly what it is about it though since not massively helpful!

I want to know which 80's singer you know....I am a huge 80's pop fan and might have dated you just to find out!

But agree that it wouldn't be the a great basis on which to start a relationship though.

My date is arranged and going ahead. he is booked into a local hotel which has a lovely bar/lounge. Should i just meet him there or is that a really big no no...will it look like I am offering myself on a plate? I am not, btw.

I agree with what others have said, miss out the bits where your saying 'I'm not your typical bloke', I don't think women assume all blokes hate shopping and football ( I have met many that don't, the same as not every women loves shoes ). Also don't give away too much about 'what you are looking for' then you can be flexible.

Agree about Tinder and people just looking/judging photos, this is why I don't use it, used it for a while last time I was dating and found it was more of a hook up for a shag type place.

People are always going to look at your photo first and then read your profile if they find you pleasing to the eye, unless you message them first of course.

That's helpful thank you, had no idea it sounded passive aggressive. Not sure which part of the wanting to get back into fitness was passive aggressive though?

The Geordie guy bit was about the fact that a lot of Geordie stereotypes in the telly are of them being a bit thick, rather than saying I'm better than any other area or whatever. It's such a minefield, I'll have another go!!

Mr MOD is now coming over tomorrow night, he is going to stay over as he lives quite far away. It's only our 2nd date and I know it's probably a bit too soon but it feels right, we have spoken quite a bit on the phone and have spent one whole day together. I now have to work out how to hide him from my dc's as I don't want them meeting him yet. They will be in bed when he gets here and I will hide him in my room until they have gone to school.

Good luck to those going on dates tonight, looking forward to updates.

Next try based on the above comments :

Hi, I'm a Geordie guy who likes adventures. Road trips. Going somewhere new. Going somewhere nice. Eating out, lovely country pubs. Reading, films, music. Love music. Music crazy actually. My car is quite a passion for me, I get out to car shows and have met a lot of lovely people through this.

I have a 10yr old daughter so if you have kids that's absolutely fine of course. Family days out are great.

Looking to get back into fitness this year, would be lovely to have someone to do that together with. Formerly big into running, Kickboxing and weights. I do like a good walk, we live in such a beautiful area for that.

I'll end with some special powers:

I can do the Rubik's Cube.
If it plugs in, I usually know how it works.
I'd go visit your mom for a cuppa even if you weren't there too.

What's your special powers?

Info, I think the getting back into fitness thing is fine unless you are morbidly obese and one of those that just says there going to get fit , I think your profile sounds reasonable and I don't see why your not getting women messaging you back, I think a lot of women don't like to message first so maybe try messaging a few more women.

Think that's better but the list of things you like doesn't read very well...going somewhere new. Going somewhere nice...most people like going to nice places! Either make it more specific as to what you consider a nice place or take it out.

It just reads like you've found a list of what women like and you've listed them all on your profile, and while what you've put might sound better if you read it out, it doesn't work so well written down.

I don't want to be overly critical God knows I wouldn't be brave enough to post my profile up here!

Please don't worry about being overly critical. It's that sort of feedback that can help me hone this down to a good profile. I REALLY appreciate everyone taking their time to read this and drop some comments and advice in. It's priceless.

I'll look again at the list of interests and try to drop some specifics in. :)

I read again and you were so right about those interests sounding like a list with no purpose, it was awful!

Here is the new attempt!!

Hi, I'm a Geordie guy who likes adventures. Road trips. I love exploring places, really enjoyed Gibraltar and would love to see Rome. Eating out is a real pleasure, love country pubs too. I'm interested in reading, films and music. Love music. Music crazy actually. My car is quite a passion for me, I get out to car shows and have met a lot of lovely people through this.

I have a 10yr old daughter so if you have kids that's absolutely fine of course. Family days out are great.

Looking to get back into fitness properly this year, would be lovely to have someone to do that together with. Formerly big into running, Kickboxing and weights. I do like a good walk, we live in such a beautiful area for that.

I'll end with some special powers:

I can do the Rubik's Cube.
If it plugs in, I usually know how it works.
I'd go visit your mom for a cuppa even if you weren't there too.

What's your special powers?