Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

info - messaging between asking for a date and the actual date is a struggle. I wouldn't say it's dead in the water.

Tell a joke, randomly.

3pies - well it wouldn't work for me, meeting during the day, I struggle with just getting the time to grab food at lunchtime, so heading off to meet someone for coffee would be difficult for me.

I went on several first dates with women who found it very difficult to get sitters, and eventually gave up and learned to screen those out early on, because I want someone who I can build up a relationship with, to the point where I can go round a watch a film, make dinner etc after the kids are in bed. I can't see getting to that point over coffee.

But - some people will be able to do that. It'll take a while, probably, to meet that person though

I guess so, I've never had a situation before though where I haven't been.able to flow with someone right through to the date.

Everyone does it different though and I suppose some would assume that their way is the usual way.

This week will reveal the answer either way regardless so will see.

Hope everyone has a great Monday!

I had date two last night. We arranged dates three and four before we left.

Seems to be going really well. This is when I will get a picture of him wearing a nappy or he tells me about his 32 ex wife's.

Things seem to be moving forwards with lots of folk on here! I'm getting plenty of messages leading to conversations on POF and am going to take the bull by the horns and suggest to a couple of them that we meet for coffee.

Plus, yesterday I found out that the chap I had a date with in December (and completely over invested in and got very upset when he didn't want another date and tried again with his ex) is now single again. I messaged him and we conversed but whilst I would love to see him again at some point I'm not chasing him - instead, I'm focussing on going out, having a social life and maybe a couple of dates off POF!

I had a gorgeous weekend, MrLD came to visit. We did sod all but lounge around my house eating and drinking nice things, and lots of MB! Perfect.

So good welsh! .

I was hoping for some of that soon, but.......supposed to be meeting up with Mr Anarchist tomorrow (second date); we arranged it on the first date 12 days ago, he's made various attempts to see me earlier, none of which worked out, we "firmed up" the date on Weds, have been texting since then (although not every day, which suits me just fine )....but he didn't reply to a text yesterday, and hasn't been in touch today. I've just sent him a text to see if he's still up for it. No reply yet.....hmm, I don't like the feeling of getting worked up and waiting for a text.....I would prefer someone to be slightly more "there" the day before meeting up.

Horrible waiting to see if you've been flaked out on, or whether they're going to come good .

OK, he just texted . God I hate it when I get paranoid about these things! I direct so much effort into Really Not Caring about message frequency, and Not Over Investing, and Not Having Too Many Expectations (with friends, as well as with romantic prospects), but it seems that there's still some work to be done in this area......

Stubborn - i think this is really really common. With texting, messaging etc, you never really know what is going on. Back in the day...we would simply call. You would have a nice conversation, you could judge their mood by their voice, you could confirm your plans and you would head along at the right time - just as they would.
Now, everything is so last minute an people can be flaky because they know they can simply text you without having to face you.
Overall, this means we are all just waiting for texts that never arrive or when they do come we don't know how to interpret them. We read into what people say...
I really don't think it used to be like this.

I am as guilty as anyone and that is even though my long distance man is really very consistent. Same time pretty much every day, and the odd message here and there. I still find myself checking my phone constantly and wondering why he is five mins late...

Things don't seem to be moving anywhere with mr mod, he is feeling better but has planed quite a few things during his 2 weeks off which makes it tricky for me to see him, he seems to think he can see me when it suits him and said he will pop in on his way back from somewhere on wed ( was a bit vague), I think he's been single too long to commit too much, likes doing his own thing then again so do I but it feels like neither of us are putting in much effort. I'm not too bothered but would like MB a bit more often than once every 2 weeks .

Things were much easier before texting, I find myself looking at my phone a lot, checking whatsapp and wondering if I should message first or not, wondering why he hasn't messaged me when he's obviously been online messaging friends on whatsapp.

I'm the same with WhatsApp no matter how much I tell myself I'm not going to get over invested I find myself check my phone all the time. I've turned off the last seen and that helps.

I have an iron that's in contact every day, we talked loads over the weekend and said it was a shame I was working Sunday as he was going to see if I was free to meet for coffee so he'd after take me for a beer instead. I responded with that would be lovely let me know when your free and nothing's been mentioned since although still talking loads. I know he's working nights this week so maybe that's stopped him saying when.
I asked when he's off nights, going to wait to find out and then suggest a few dates and see what he says.
I need to get my thick skin on first!

Ha remember and love, think you've got your rose tinted glasses on there! Did you never spend teenage evenings hovering around the hall and stairs staring mournfully at the land line phone? . Or, worse, staying in just in case someone rang?!

Don't think I'll be uploading WhatsApp right now, though- don't think I need any more electronic forms of torture...

I've been chatting to my new one and only iron CBN for a week now. He's pretty good at striking a balance between regular but not too much messaging! We message in the evenings only, on and off from tea time until bedtime. Consistent but relaxed. We date 1 booked in for Friday evening. I'm not over invested but he seems pretty nice so far!

Mr Art got in touch yesterday eve, very breezy, asking whether I had a nice weekend and what I'd been up to...I had been pretty busy at least. Starting to feel concerned about the lack of actual calls (as opposed to what's app) and him not asking me out/making any plans. I am being very stubborn and not texting nor instigating chats to gauge his interest and whether he is actually arsed. Was asked on another date but feeling a bit bruised at the mo

Spent the last few months just being single and it's did me the world of good..rejoined Tinder last night (POF is not for me) and have chatted to a really nice guy tonight we have arranged to meet on Thursday for a coffee. He seems very normal...should I be worried?!

Lady - normal is good!

I have just got home from a weird kind of date....my Australian man recommended a film he saw a few days ago. So I went on my own and tomorrow morning we will talk about it together. The things you do when so far apart...

I'm back, after the euphoria of my date last week I'm quite low now. So very little contact from MrNurse since our date. I asked him if he wanted to go out Saturday but he was off for dinner at his daughter's, we had a bit of banter on Facebook about the England/France rugby game, but that's been it really. I'm chatting with a couple of people on POF and Twitter, but my home is quite rural and most people live an hour away.

But I've just reread the rules, given myself a good talking to and I'm good to go. Doesn't help that work is really shit at the moment so I'm down about that too, the dating was taking my mind off things.

I was after some advice....I have just dipped my toe into the water of the online dating pool. A seemingly nice guy is keen to chat. How much information should I reveal?

I'm still not sure where mine is heading, he's my only iron and we talk a lot. Ended up nearly having MB on date 3 which was really nice. I've hopefully given him the impression I want to keep it light hearted

Brittany, I have the same problem with living rural, most people are over a hour away, anyone local seems to be people I know and wouldn't want to date. Mr mod lives over an hour away and it's proving quite tricky. I hope you manage to line up some more dates soon, dating can make you feel low at times, it's quite hard work (emotionally).

I'm not talking to anyone else at the moment since my ex spotted me on tinder and sent me a load of abuse, I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I feel like he's stalking me and I am a bit parinoid.

Donatello - keep the information you reveal minimal to start with. So that means don't tell him your surname, your address, your children's names or their school. But be open about what you want in a relationship, be accurate about your age and talk about your past in a general way. You need to give enough info so you can establish if you are a good fit, but not enough so that he turns up on your doorstep.

Lovemusic - you are right to be paranoid. he sounds awful. Don't hesitate to report him if he gets scary. But it is a shame you can't "advertise" yourself!

Remember, I have reported him as he is not allowed to contact me, he has been sneaky and has tried to make out he is someone else (a friend ) but police are going to try and trace the email to him and arrest him. This is just a example of how online dating can go horribly wrong .

Donatello, as said above keep information very minimal. If you live in a village or small part of town, don't mention it directly. Definitely don't give your surname, if your first name is pretty unique I'd advise giving another version of it. Reason being that with a unique name you'll be easier to find on social media.

If you have a date and don't like someone but they like you, you'll feel happy that you gave nothing away.

The thing is though, 90% of the time whoever you are chatting to on WA then shows up on "people you might know" on Facebook. Within an hour of moving from POF to WA with my latest iron I could see his Fb so know his last name, where he lives and works and can see photos of his children. So actually all the information talked about not sharing is easily available I'm afraid

Yes, I would agree with being careful when swapping numbers as the fb page will show up (You have to have facebook to get a Tinder account). Set your fb settings to high security.

There was a choice on the What's App settings to not share my account info. If you unchecked this, you won't be sharing anything to Facebook. If you didn't disable this, then you will. There was a 30 day period from when they changed the T&C for What's App to do this. They did state this in the app pretty clearly and you had to accept the new T&C so nobody should be sharing anything from What's App.

Also, be aware if you are logged into Facebook and you look at someone profile, you will show up in People You May Know. If someone you are talking to on What's App shows up on your Facebook, they haven't opted not to share account info.

It's all about being security and privacy aware peeps.