Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Dieu, did he get in touch? I agree with what penny has said, if he does get in touch make things really hard for him. From past experience I now always assume that men (and woman) are often in contact with other irons even if they have removed their profile.

I have been speaking to Mr mod tonight and he does sound quite ill ( has been back to the doctors ), he now has 2 weeks off work so is going to have a few days to get over his chest infection before coming to see me. He seems genuine but I'm still being caucious as I don't trust anyone

lovemusic I guess he can't help it if he's unwell and really you have to take it at face value. Just carry on with your life keep busy and don't make dating (or lack of) your focus if possible

Hi all, I haven't posted for a while as I didn't have any irons. Partly I've been busy and so haven't been proactive, but also I just haven't had any messages other than the 'hey sexy' and 'how come you're still single' type. Anyway, I have been messaging one iron over the last fortnight, I'll call him MrSmile. He seemed normal and honest and his photo was ok. We had a coffee date Friday and he only confirmed time and venue late Thursday night. I was feeling so grumpy and tired that I wasn't really in the mood to go but he picked a venue close to me so I thought I might as well pop along for a bit. I'm embarrassed to say I made v little effort on the dressing up front (in fact I bumped into a friend on my way who asked if I'd been swimming as I looked so dishevelled!). Of course I arrived at the venue and he is absolutely gorgeous, much better looking than his photos, and really great company. We hit it off really well, there was a huge spark and the quick coffee turned into a 3 hour lunch and only ended as I had to rush off for the school run. He messaged last night to say he'd like to see me again. All good- though this is new territory for me. I've never had a first date where we've both felt a spark. However, one niggle in my head ( other than distance), is that though he's separated, he still lives with his ex wife ( well, wife given they're not divorced). This was nearly enough of a red flag not to meet him but he was very open in his messages and said they were in the middle of sorting finances and he'd had a year long relationship since splitting, which had ended last year. He also tends to only message after 10pm which reading back I see Bant has flagged up as a possible sign of being married. So I'm proceeding with caution but I am worried it would be quite easy to pull the wool over my eyes. If ( and it's a big if, as it's early days) things progress, how would I know he was telling me the truth? We're hardly going to go back to his for MB if his wife and kids are there. And he can't come back to mine because my kids are always here. So perhaps this is doomed! ( not one for overthinking am I !)

Clawdeen, why is it there is always a catch with the great ones?!! I think I would also proceed with caution and if things progress try to do things that someone cheating wouldn't be able to do or wouldn't want to do like maybe try to meet in a very public place near to him next date? And maybe try to instigate phone calls earlier in the evening? If he is sheepish about either you may have an answer. Any way of Google image searching his OLD pics to see if you can find his Facebook, then might be able to see his relationship status?

Thanks plenty,yes nothing is ever easy! How do I google search his OLD image? I'm totally technically incompetent!

It's very stalkery but have used in the past! I think you may only be able to do it on a laptop or pc.You right click on the pic and save as a photo onto your device. Then go on to Google images. Click on the photo icon at the side of the search bar and it will let you select from your documents . So you then select the photo you had saved and click search. It will then bring up all pics that are similar, with luck he will have used same pic on fb or elsewhere so can cross reference him! And if you can find his full name can do further cross checks!!

Any word from dieu?? I hope things got sorted one way or another

Hi all, a v disappointed Buzz here, but likely over-reacting. Went on date 5 with Mr Art on Thurs, all seemed to go well. Thought I detected something when we said goodbye. The following morning I texted him a few times and then since that nothing. Unusual because a) it's usually every day we text or speak and b) made no plans for the weekend, and its Sunday morning now. I am cross and deflated because I am OI in it. I suppose it's time to go back online if he doesn't get in touch :(
Dieu hope you are ok x

clawdeen proceed with caution, however I found myself in a similar situation while my divorce was going through. I'd started seeing someone but was technically still married as my ex-h dragged everything on for months. Plus the house sale took even longer. We would do late night texts after everyone had gone to bed. It wasn't really a good way to start a relationship and I think the initial secrecy caused problems later.

buzz sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed he gets in touch soon.

I'm having a bit of a down day as well.
My date for tonight cancelled this morning with no explanation.
Last night I was out with a group of friends to celebrate someone's birthday. I know them all but I'm only good friends with 3 or 4. We're all in a bar and I'm showing my close friends POF and the guys I've been chatting to. We're also having a bit of fun swiping on tinder.
A guy comes over to me and says hi, I've seen you before. I didn't recognise him, so said sorry I don't think I know you.
Next thing a message pops up on POF from him. We had chatted briefly a few weeks ago but he wanted my phone number & I said no as we'd only exchanged a few messages.
Cue lots of giggly women as we realise what's going on. He comes back and we chat for about 10mins.
Nice guy but not really my type. But what has unsettled me is that I felt like I had been stalked a bit. He'd obviously used the bit of the app to see who was nearby and found me.
On top of that some of the women I was with (not my good friends) were making comments about me using OLD that I found a bit upsetting.

Wow Runny that is quite creepy, I too would be very weirded out by that

I know what you mean re people's comments about OLD, friends of mine in relationships seem to cringe when I say I met someone via OLD...And it makes me feel yak ...I just don't think they get that's how it is these days

It's just a bit of a reminder how much of ourselves we put online really. The tools are there to be used and he used them.

It's very easy to social engineer someone and find out so much, so quickly. People sometimes give their Instagram name and a quick view later and you know loads about their life. In the wrong hands that's giving too much away. I've even seen people use a picture in POF that includes their full name in a screenshot. Jeez.

In a numbers game where it's hard to get ahead, the guy probably thought he was using the chance he'd found even though it does feel a bit weird.

It actually brings about a very interesting social question.

If you're out and about and you see someone you recognise from POF (whether you've chatted or not) are you allowed to approach them and say something.

I'd say definitely not actually so yeah, I think he shouldn't have approached.

Info I think you're right. I wouldn't approach any one I'd seen on OLD.
And he had no idea whether I was there with someone or not. I was tempted to delete my account today but I've decided to just think about it for a few days and see how I feel.
Right now I've gone off the idea of dating completely!

I sometimes walk around my town, recognise faces, and wonder if I have been swiped by these people. I have a distinctive look that is very recognisable and I know that anyone can be looking at my profile and find out all sorts about me that they could then use to approach me in real life. its a really fine line.

I think that's a responsibility you take on when you join any OLD platform. You have to accept that it's not outside of the bounds of reality that someone you walk past recognises your face.

This is especially important to remember when you think that the whole premise of it is that the people looking you up are local.

I see people from POF in the school parlay ground, I know they have looked at my profile so it feels a bit awkward .

My ex has spotted me on Tinder and I got a rather abusive email from his friend ( obviously it was him ), he can't contact me directly as I have a restraining order against him. I have now removed myself from all dating sites.

Mr mod does seem genuine and we were messaging in the night as he was unwell and I was up with poorly dd.

The thing with iron2 that was going very well just fell through today, amicably though. It's hard to say why without going into something. Not to worry, her loss.

Barely any comms with WG, just stringing that one along really.

I'd say from 2 irons I've gone to 0.5 but hey, that's the game!

Sorry to hear that Info - the best advice is to get straight back on the horse. get some more irons in the fire.

It is much easier when it fall apart before you meet. I had to do that a few times because it became clear they wanted something different to me. The main issue I found was that they were younger men searching for someone to have children with. Yet they put on their profile they were willing to date women in their 40's. That is a little unrealistic.

Living in a rural area with a couple of small towns, I am braced for the fact I'm going to bump into people. And of course, going onto an OLD site and seeing loads of blokes you know- mates' exes etc.....it's interesting comparing how they try to sell themselves to all the dirt you've heard!

It can work in your favour though.....with Mr Anarchist I had a look at his profile, passed it over because I thought he sounded arrogant, then saw him walking down the street in our local town! Liked the look of him in RL, sent him a rambling and deranged sounding message, didn't hear anything back, thought "oh well", then he replied about 3 weeks later, saying he doesn't check the site much any more.

(still awaiting date no.2 BTW....it's been arranged since we first met, we've just been busy).

Info that's a shame. Keep looking
I'm a bit bored today so I worked out that in a month of OLD I have had:
3 first dates
2 offers of second dates, 1 declined,1 pending maybe
2 cancellations
1 no show
1 let's just be friends
Not sure if this is good, bad or average

Dieu that is utterly skanky behaviour by him. Are you ok???

I messaged WG today and had 1 reply and then nothing else. It's obviously dead in the water. She was supposed to confirm for Wednesday but I'd be gobsmacked if she contacts.

I was gonna for my own amusement, wait until the end of Weds evening and then send a message to say that I guess Weds wasn't any good then with a few smiley faces to show it's in good taste.

If she replies and says sorry blah blah I'd just say no worries, I'm going to bow out now anyway but best wishes etc.

She'd likely not care but it might just be a little message of respectively stop messing people about.

Iron2 wants to be my friend. She isn't ready for dating you see but she's on a dating site. Ooh dating friend.

Ha ha back to 0 irons.

hi everyone, haven't posted on here for a while but popping back in
i need to set up some OLD accounts again.. I hate writing profiles :(
I can only meet in the day time for coffee at the moment, do you think that will be offputting?
it's due to childcare - nights off will be few and far between, as in about 5 or 6 nights I can go out and have a babysitter between now and the summer

3pies initially daytime coffee is ok, bit what about if you hit it off with someone and get to date 3 and 4? You can't really move into proper dating if you don't have a free evening until the summer or am I reading that wrongly?