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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

999 replies

Lovemusic33 · 17/01/2017 08:10

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*
OP posts:
lastnicknamefree · 03/02/2017 11:33

I'd say it depends how unusual. If it's something like a birth mark, lots of stretch marks etc, he's likely not going to notice or care so as previous said, relax and enjoy..
If it were something very unusual that might throw him off, or make you feel very self conscious like a third nipple etc, then I would mention just so your first time of MB goes smoothly! Smile

zanywany · 03/02/2017 12:46

Hi everyone, messaged a while ago asking to join you guys but I think I was maybe too brief.

Been seeing a friend of mine for the last 5 months but it all seems to be going downhill and is causing me too much stress/anxiety so it looks like I will be back to dating soon. I am 42 with 3 children and looking for someone to have fun with and hopefully a relationship.

BernieBear · 03/02/2017 12:56

Welcome Zany

Bant · 03/02/2017 13:09

Hi Zany. Sorry if no one replied before, people don't need to ask to join, just bundle on in and ask questions or give opinions..

Blobby10 · 03/02/2017 13:21

Hi Zany Smile you have better manners than I do - I just blundered in!

LosingDory · 03/02/2017 13:22

It's not a third nipple but it is along the lines of stretch marks (but not stretch marks). I'll ignore it unless he asks then!

rememberthetime · 03/02/2017 13:29

Losing - if it a scar of some sort then it is natural for people to be curious and sometimes it can make sense to pre empt that and offer an explanation in advance. Sometimes people don't want to ask or they worry you might be ill or fragile in some way.

rememberthetime · 03/02/2017 13:30

Hello Zany - I just waded on in a couple of months ago and now you can't get me off this thread!

RunnnyMummy · 03/02/2017 13:35

I have a huge scar on my back. I've had it since I was a child so I don't tend to think about it. Neither of the last two guys who saw me naked made any comments. And I was 'swept away in the moment' so I didn't even think about. Didn't seem to put them off either.

RunnnyMummy · 03/02/2017 13:37

Hi zany and welcome. Feel free to comment or ask questions. I've found this thread really helpful

Dieu · 03/02/2017 13:42

Och, you're fine RM. Trade you my body for your scar Grin

LosingDory · 03/02/2017 14:07

Thanks for the reassurances...I'm not going to mention it then and hopefully he either won't notice or care!

lastnicknamefree · 03/02/2017 14:19

dory it sounds fine! I bet he won't notice or care Wink
Welcome [zany]

Waves to everyone else!

InfoSec21 · 03/02/2017 14:53

Welcome Zany, hello!

Little update from me. Been messaging iron2 a lot and she's very easy to talk to. She seems much more my style of personality.

Just as an outside pop and to bring closure or clarity, I messaged WG to ask if she wanted to meet up or not. She replied straight away to say that she did. She's proposed Wednesday but she needs to confirm. I'd go along out of sheer curiosity to see how she is in person as her messaging is awful!

zanywany · 03/02/2017 15:09

One of the things I am dreading about OLD is the whole game playing that so many seem to do on there. People seem to agree to be exclusive and then disappear. Once my current relationship is over (possibly tonight from the way his messages are going) the I think I will wait a while to develop a thicker skin.

I was originally one the first few original threads years ago, got engaged and had baby number 3 but now in a on/off relationship. One day I will get it right.

I would not say anything Losing as most people wouldn't notice anyway

rememberthetime · 03/02/2017 15:10

So...Info. From worrying about no dates - now you have two potentials! That's pretty good going in a couple of weeks.

I would also see WG as she may just impress you with more than her looks. And things seem to be going ok with lady number 2. Thats a good bonus.

InfoSec21 · 03/02/2017 15:43

Don't get me wrong, the fundamentals of WG are good. The basic elements of her life and what she seems to be about are all good. Yeah she's pretty but she seems all good apart from the poor messaging. Certainly enough to warrant meeting up.

As someone who hasn't had a date for a while, it would be valuable date experience if nothing else.

Bant · 03/02/2017 15:44

info - yep, as others have said, it's worth having the date with WG, as she may bowl you over in person, and just not be great messaging, or be chatting to several people for the moment.

Iron2 may also be great in person, or good to message but dull to meet.

As the rule says, it's all BS until...

runnny - to be honest, most men won't notice, or if they do they won't care. They're just too happy being with a naked woman.

Chucklecheeks · 03/02/2017 16:38

Just had a great pre date date. We'd been messaged for a few days, spoke today and then met for a coffee. So easy to talk too, same cheeky banter in person as messaging and over the phone and finished with him saying can we do date two soon (and a cheeky kiss).

Let's see if he says the same when he isn't there in person. But as first dates go 👍🏻

It's made my mind up for me about Irish guy with four kids by three women. Too complicated and nowhere near as much chemistry as there was today. Even after two dates.

Chucklecheeks · 03/02/2017 16:40

Runny... I did a straw poll in the office today and all the men said the same as Bant. They are just so happy to be naked with a woman they won't notice or care. Or they would be worrying about their own imperfections too and be just as nervous.

RunnnyMummy · 03/02/2017 16:43

So more than 24hrs after saying he'd still like date 2 MrPhd has finally replied to my message asking when. He says any time so long as he has a bit of notice. I'm not replying until at least tomorrow. I have a date possibly Sunday Eve and a few more irons. If MrPhd is really interested then he can wait.

Lovemusic33 · 03/02/2017 18:29

Well Mr mod had done his disaperaing thing again, he was meant to be coming over tonight ( I wasn't bothered but he pushed saying he wanted to see me and couldn't wait ) so this morning he sent me a few messages, at 11.30am he messaged to check if the roads were OK here as we have had a lot of rain, I messaged back to see I was just about to go out and I would let him know the situation with the roads, I messaged him back to say roads were clear but raining a lot. I haven't heard anything back since, I can see he's been on messenger and read my message, I can see he's been active on whatsapp so no excuse for not messaging back. Feeling pretty pissed off and contemplating signing up to tinder. We are meant to be exclusive but due to him living so far away it doesn't feel like we are in a relationship, more like I'm just here when he wants/needs me. If he messages me now I'm going to ignore until tomorrow, I don't want him thinking that I'm here waiting for him.

OP posts:
InfoSec21 · 03/02/2017 19:07

I agree, I'd be just happy to be at that point with someone that I'd never judge over a scar and I'd never mention it so as to avoid any hurting of feelings. We all have our hangups about parts of ourselves that any good person won't bat an eyelid at in reality. In our minds they will of course.

Dieu · 03/02/2017 19:11

Lovemusic33, he messaged you to check the state of the roads round yours?
Fuck sake, how old is he? 85?

Plentyoffishnets · 03/02/2017 19:22

Chuckles- sounds very promising!
Runny and love - you go girlfriends!! Like your style!
Info - 2 irons is great. Can't wait to hear how the dates go.
I have one date brewing but he's gone quiet after I gave him my number.
Another one I really like on tinder, been messaging long messages all week but bo mention of meeting up, grrr!
Other than that not much going on, but loving keeping up with everyone else's news