Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Fair enough last. Maybe you should send him a quick message to say hi and if he doesn't respond then don't follow through with the date, but maybe he is waiting for you to initiate contact?

I dunno last, I had a date on Saturday, and we'd been talking for 2-3 weeks before we both had free time. TBH, I didn't want to message all the time in case we built it up into something it wasn't, and I think he felt the same way, so some days we would go a bit quiet.

This is Mr Anarchist- that date went well, he did go quiet on Sunday and I freaked out (quietly!), then was right back on Monday, trying to arrange a date for this week (we've already agreed to meet next Tues).

This all sounds very promising. As mentioned upthread, am currently existing in a red cloud of lust . However, I am freaking out a bit, too. AFAIK, he could never have had sex with a woman who has had children (was married for 15 years, no children. Don't think girlfriends prior to that had had children.Oh, and also, his exW is Russian, and as any fule kno, all Russian women look like supermodels ) Fucking hell, I have a saggy little apron of a tummy. My boobs- once my pride and joy- appear to have gone lopsided after DS2 (and I did alternate when breastfeeding- religiously! No fair ). And as for my nether regions- what if the whole experience is akin to chucking a chipolata down the Dartford Tunnel?????

MYbe he is plenty and I am aware I'm probably being precious but I like the man to lead the conversation. I always respond quickly to any messages and ask questions back etc but I do like to let the guy get in touch

stubborn that cracked me up!!

I've just come from a 2nd date with Mr Nurse. I had a really nice evening the only real couple of silences were when the language barrier got in the way and he had to try and phrase things in a different way, or I just ran out of words.

We did have a little snog, I kind of launched myself at him which on reflection is mortifying, but he didn't seem to mind once he got over the initial shock. I'm well out of snogging practice though, I think I've forgotten how to.

He is a little worried because he's 54 and I'm 45. I'm worried because I always have my DCs as XH just doesn't bother with them. But we talked it through. I'm not so worried about his age because i lied when he asked me if I'd looked at his photos on Facebook, I have and his body is extremely fit. So we will be meeting up again over the weekend as he's not working. I couldn't stop smiling on our date it was just going so well.

Fab update brittany I'm so glad you had a lovely date!

Britanny way to go!

Stubborn I like your style!

Last, don't waste one of your free nights on someone who can't be bothered to make even the minimal effort with you. Keep swiping along.

Yay Brittany - lovely post!

Info - what's happening?
stubborn - I'm sure you are worrying about nothing, but I understand where you are coming from, I feel the same about my body.

Date 2 is lunch today. He is travelling to see me again (to my neck of the woods - phnar phnar....) but only for an hour as that's all I can take from work. We have chatted on the phone loads since Sunday, so hopefully I won't get too nervous.

I'll update later

Brittany - that sounds great.
Bernie - good luck with date 2.

I've resigned myself to the fact that MrPhd isn't going to bother with date 2. Haven't heard from him in 24hrs. As much as I feel like sending a text saying - what's going on - I know I just need to move on and forget him.

Tinder question - I swiped and got a couple of matches. Should I wait for the guy to start a chat or shall I launch in there and make the first move?
I've generally got nowhere on Pof if I'm the first to message so I'm unsure what to do

I've got 5 conversations running on POF at the moment (yeah, decided just to plunge right into it and chat to anyone who chatted to me (and was over 6ft 2") ).

Unfortunately the one I really like has said he only wants friendship and nothing more as still hurting from the last 6 months [hmmm],

The others are not giving an inch and making me ask all the questions - they are happy to chat but I feel its me making all the effort! Not sure how much longer I can bother with that level of effort .

QUESTION oh wise ones - how soon is it acceptable to say "lets meet" - I mean, is it better to meet up and figure out if there is chemistry early on so if nothing there, neither of you waste time?

Blobby Yes, meet as soon as possible. If at all possible, talk on the phone before meeting and then decide if you want to meet.

Remember you are the prize, if they are not putting the effort into asking you questions etc. and you feel like you are making all the effort, stop!

YOU ARE THE PRIZE!!!

Yes, wondering about Info too...

My Mr Long Distance (lets rename him) is having a rough time at the moment and I am spending lots of time chatting to him trying to make him feel better. But i like to do it - it isn't a chore but I can tell I am really helping. That's a good test - right?

I suppose the next test will be how he is when I need extra support.

Just wish I could give him a big hug though.

Bernie that made me laugh!! I haven't felt like a prize for way too long - actually never!!

I would make it my mantra but unfortuately the January mantra of "You dont need to buy biscuits" failed spectacularly and I'm wary of trying another

Well I'm back from second date!

My feeling is the jury's out. We spoke of a third date, had some laughs, there were no silent moments but I just feel a little ambivalent about it. I haven't had a thunderbolt moment which I suspect, at my age (46) probably won't happen (and if it did, he would be totally unsuitable).
I'm happy to go on a third date with him, but wouldn't be too upset if it didn't happen

Tinder potential iron has gone from "maybe we could meet sometime" to silence. Knew I jumped the dating ship last year for a reason, it's tedious! 😒

Hmmm....I'm not sure about this talking on the phone thing. Mr Anarchist has been very keen for us to meet up before Tuesday- we have tried all kinds of days and combinations, but will have to accept we just do not coincide till then. I saw he texted last night and asked if he could call, then there were a couple of missed calls. So I called him back just now, and the conversation was....OK, but a bit hurried. Perhaps I made a big mistake in not letting him know that i was intending to call first? He said he was expecting someone round (I'm not worried about that- he has already suggested that we connect on Facebook- which I declined as too soon- but that doesn't seem like the kind of thing someone who runs women in tandem would do).

Plus, his phone voice is, er, older. He doesn't sound like that in RL, and in the flesh he looks a lot younger than 52, but on the phone he sounds older than 52! That's quenched my fires slightly....

Aww thanks guys, nice of you to wonder how my little situation was going with the weapons grade.

Was messaging WG last night until quite late and it went well. The point very much here is that she will reply to me quickly but she will never send the first message.

She gave me her number, she replies quick and she said she'd meet me in person. That's all good stuff. Maybe she just doesn't ever message first, maybe she likes to be chased, she is WG after all.

I haven't tried to pick her to a specific time/date yet only because I have my daughter this weekend. I was going to see how it goes a bit more and then organise it. She signed off last night with a little smiley blowing a kiss, that can't be bad. She's WG too.

Even if we meet up for a date and she's hard work in person, it's only a few hours out of my life and at least that's a few hours in the company of an absolute WG. Did I mention she was WG?

info I think you should make firm plans, even if it's for next week. If I was her (or you) I would want to know it's definitely on - she may think you're not serious?

I don't know what she's thinking really, she might wonder why I don't message her earlier in the day, just as I wonder why she doesn't message first.

I think she possibly has a lot of messages coming from POF and to her, I'm just an iron. That's my guess anyway.

Don't write yourself off Info. She messaged you for a long time last night - that can be very tedious unless you are actually interested. And it meant she was focused on you and not someone else.

I have tried messaging two people at once and let me tell you - it is really hard!

She is very probably reading all the bonkers dating advice available out there that tells her not to come across too keen and to never message first. Honestly, if everyone did that, no one would ever get together.

I think you have now moved on to random daytime messages with smiley faces eg "hope you are having a great day...talk tonight?" smiley face

Let her know you are thinking of her and that you will definitely be in touch that night. Personally I would like that.

If she does have others on the go, you will set yourself apart by showing you are keen.

That's why it's all so confusing. The basic stats say she's interested but the fact she never messages message first say otherwise. We exchanged a few messages this afternoon, instigated by me. She won't reply again until I say something.

If she is playing the "men should message first, I want to be chased" game, she might be "weapons grade", but she's fricking dull!

Well yeah I'm thinking this too. What's the point if she's not playing her part.

It's not etiquette to message someone and say look, let's be honest here, how bothered are you?

That is likely to have anyone running for the hills. It's a fair question though if it needs to be asked, though one that makes the asker look demanding and needy rather than just wanting to be straight and potentially stop wasting everyone's time.

Regardless of what she looks like, she's either not interested or she's just plain boring. I can't wait to hear from my iron and will always message back, have done from the start. I'm not weapons grade though so I had to impress with my personality