Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Chuck, I think there are a few men that think they can attract women with money. I was speaking to a guy for a while who kept on telling me about his house and he kept offering to take me on exotic holidays and on shopping trips. When I asked him what happened to his last relationship he said 'I kicked her out as she was using me me for my money', I had to laugh, what did he expect, he obviously didn't have much else going for him.

I have to admit I do judge people on their jobs a little bit. I want someone who is at the very least working, hopefully with their own home and not in masses of debt. Their car and job give you an indication of that. It is for your own security as much as anything and I quite like it when a man has obviously worked hard and achieved good things in his life.

But i would never ever take money, gifts or trips in return for dates...it messes with the power balance in the relationship.

Wise ones, can I have some advice please?

I met my iron on Thursday for the first time, although had been chatting for ages before that but clashing schedules meant it was difficult to meet before. Date went well and have been texting since

He has a gig coming up in a couple of weeks that he has mentioned a lot. I'm not sure whether we are going to be able to meet up before then due to conflicting childcare/ my babysitter being away. I can get childcare that night and not sure whether to say to him to keep me a couple tickets (almost sold out), or not. Or whether to suggest trying to meet before then (but babysitter away, and a lot of work stuff going on so finding a night that suits us both might be difficult).

I really need some mooseburgers soon. It's been a looooong time.....

unless he invites you to his gig and to go with him to sound check, dressing room and backstage. I wouldn't go. Why would you want to just be an the audience and not even have the chance to talk? If you carry on seeing him there will be other better times

to see him playing I meant

Bentley/house man has a fourth picture showing his manhood but I guess you couldn't see that pic very well.

Well after the craziness of Fridays date I spent the weekend at work and with family and it's nice to know it's not me that's weird.
Rule 6 is one of my favourites. Thanks for all your advice I know it's not me, it's him.
Only way to date is to be true to yourself and if someone has a problem then that's ok. My moral fibre is good.
It is quite a funny story really. I was baffled at the time and looking back I think I handled it well. I called BS when I smelt it and that shocked him. On your way boy. NEXT.
*
Aintthat* I would try and fit something in and if that is impossible he might say about you going to the gig but I would wait for an invite.

Men peacocking is a turn off. Having money is a nice thing. Shouting about it to attract a mate is not.

Been talking to the girl, managed to take it to What's App. Been chatting but she's kinda hard going. She tends to answer what I ask and she doesn't say a lot. I'm figuring if she wasn't bothered she wouldn't have given me her number. She'll do a and what about you to my questions but doesn't seem to offer any of her own.

So for now, no idea what the situation is. I'm just going to hang back now and see if she messaged me anything.

Info an answer and 'what about you' is better than a basic answer though?

It can be hard talking through words, no emotions come across and emoticons can look childish.

I have a tendency to 'over-analyse'. So WA can easily drive me mad, even when I'm aware and should step away .

Yeah it is better than a basic answer that's true.

I've left it for a bit and she hasn't spoken. I have a gut feeling that she's having a better conversation somewhere else which is totally fine, that's the game!

Info - just ask her about a date. Then you know either way.

I think if you keep analysing her words in the written form you might drive yourself to distraction. She may immediately say no and you can move on, she may ask to think about it or be non-committal and you can keep talking and see what happens or she might just say "yes please" and then you can plan.

That's what i would do, but easy for me to say.

Is it too soon for that or okay? I wouldn't normally ask for a date so quick, especially if the words aren't flowing from her.

It's not too soon, I'd rather get to the date than endless chatter. You never know till you meet someone if you really like them and it's OI chatting and chatting via text before meeting.

I'm sure that makes sense to someone other than me

Or ask for a phone conversation. I'm a recent convert to phone conversations with potential dates. I used to think it would feel awkward but actually you can tell get a fair amount over the phone.

Chuckle perfect sense to me.

Info- I think I'd wait for another conversation before mentioning a date, but if there is any flow/connection then bring it up fairly quickly

Thanks for the advices. She'd been watching a film which would be a good explanation for not spending a lot of time chatting. I totally need to chill on this one before I blow it!!

If she's already boring I doubt she'll get any better...this is the time to impress you with her sparkling wit!

Info - sage advice is what annoys you the most at the start is what will annoy you enough t finish it at some point in the future.

But I agree - ask her on a date, then you can see if she's hard work in conversation IRL..

Chuckle - yes to early meet up's - I've learned not to get too carried away with messages before meeting! It totally becomes OI and then it's really hard to meet as you feel you have too much riding on it. A coffee early on is def the way forward!

'morning dating posse

info said she has just gone back to old i would expect she has lots of messages - new profile always do and it can be a bit overwhelming / less time to give to each one. I think stepping back for a day is no harm then go bak to her and make sure she knows you want to meet up and ask if she feels so inclined. Don't panic ! and keep looking too

Lots of nice dates at the week end by the sound of it

I agree with LilacPink - phone conversations are very telling. I wish I had had a telephone conversation with the disaster date, I never would have met him.

Well the date went well, and he is fun, although he was very nervous. He's shorter than I would normally date but I'm going ahead with a second date. I don't think he is "Mr happily ever after" but I do think he is "Mrfun for right now". (we had many phone conversations beforehand!)

Anyway, lunch date on Wednesday.

sounds good Bernie - personally, I am not a massive fan of tall so funny, nervous and shorter sounds great to me. Agree that phone chat are much more revealing. I didn't always spoke in the early days but learnt never to go ahead unless it felt right on the phone.

And with that regard I have finally pop my phone to 3 guys who have been in regular contact since Xmas albeit very minimal

I hate talking on the phone but I really need to get over this as it is a great way of knowing more about a person (how they sound and come across) compared to messaging.

I'm still trying to decide if I want to continue with Mr MOD, talking to him last night and he's telling me how much he will be working in the summer ( he works a full time job and runs his own business ), and I'm thinking 'how the hell is this going to work?' He seems to think that when he has a day off I will be available but I am starting a new job next week and I don't know what hours I will be working. I'm starting to wonder if I could actually fit my life around someone else's? Maybe I should just stay single? Or maybe just look for casual sex .

LoveMusic33 I guess if you want it to work you'd find a way but it's very difficult when everything is stacked against it like that.

My new iron is still on the scene but it's too hard work. Whenever I message her she replies but she never is the first. Maybe that's just her way. I kinda imagine she'd be quite hard work to chat to in person. I'm not going to bail though because she's super cute. If she wasn't as cute I'd give up but at this point there is no reason to give up, no harm in plugging away.

I once chatted to someone and had a couple of dates that was mega hard work. After a while I quizzed her on where it was all going and she reckons she was getting feelings but for her it takes a while to allow herself due to a previous relationship going bad.

Hi Baklava, how are things with you?

It sounds like it went well Bernie. As for height, Mr31 is a couple of inches shorter than me, but taller than ex, so I'm OK with it. It helps that he's lovely and completely scrumptious