Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Good result tonight, been chatting to someone lovely, yay!

I think she's nee to POF, I hadn't seen her before and she was putting her pics up as I found her so good thing to get in quickly. When I first looked, I went away from her profile as I thought she'd never reply in a million yeeeaaaarrrss.

I spotted her again about an hour later and just off the back of a shared musical interest, I dropped her a message about that. She replied and we exchanged a couple and then it just took off and we were messaging for ages. Turns out our favourite film is the same one which was a good sign!

Just needs to stand the biggest test of all, the sleep on it and wake up the next day test. That's often I find when some people change their mind and don't message again.

Hope that's not the case, she's gorgeous and seems really nice. Will see if it continues tomorrow :) Nice to have an 'iron'!

Yay info Fingers crossed it translates into further chat today and is as good as it was last night, sounds promising so far!

Info - that is great news! if I was her I would be waiting for you to message back again first today, I like early evening messages as that can enable more chat but shows you are busy in the day too
Good luck

Minop - what a git! My feeling is he was probably married and had got caught out.
Info - brilliant news! How are you feeling this morning?
stubborn - enjoy your second date, he sounds lovely - report back!

Well today is the day for me, my first date with MrSparkie. We've spoken on the phone loads over the last few days and whilst he still sounds like he would just be a bit of fun for me, I may be starting to OI (again!)

I am so worried that we get on brilliantly texting/chatting but I will not fancy him when I see him......or worse he won't fancy me . After the last dreadful first and only date, my expectations are a little low.

First though, I have a seven mile run to complete. Good luck everyone today, I'll report back later

Good luck Bernie! Got my second date with mine I'm really worried I wont fancy mine when I see him again, I just get in my own head and my anxiety gets in the way. Trying not to think about it too much!

She sounds good info!

infosec whoop whoop!

Good luck for today BB, where are you going?

info - yay!!! Hope it progresses, it all sounds very positive.

brittany MrLD is 12 years older than me and it isn't even an issue. We're at fairly similar stages of our lives - his children are a little older than mine but not much, as I had mine comparatively young. I think it would be more apparent if I was mid 20s and he was late 30s.

I messaged her this morning and she replied. I hate this phase, it's all about how long do you wait before replying. You don't want to look like you're just waiting for replies and you also don't want to look uninterested and potentially let others get in there whilst you're waiting. I tend to just reply when I'm there reading it. Not really into games or making something seem like it isn't or whatever.

I don't think this will get anywhere though. She only joined last night, though thankfully she has been on there before so she will know how it goes. She'll be getting bombarded I reckon so I'm not holding out much hope but at least I got through the door quickly rather than after the masses have bombarded. We'll see.

Arrange meeting fairly quickly then so she doesn't lose interest and you can see if it's going anywhere

Yeah good call that. She asked if I'd been on long so I said I'd been on a bit but the general consensus was that I was doing it wrong because I tend to handpick a few to message rather than doing loads.

She replied to say she thought I was doing a good job.

I mean, she's replying but not a lot of content and she hasn't asked me anything today. I think I'm a little impatient, so it would seem!!! :)

Info - I would wait for towards the end of the next series of messages to ask her out. Coming in at the start of contact with talk of a date may come across pushy. but if you are having a good conversation (especially about something you both enjoy) it will come across more natural to suggest meeting.

I used this method during a conversation about a movie and offered myself as a movie date. the offer was accepted immediately. As it happened that didn't go anywhere, but was a very nice date.

I would send her a quick message this evening, just asking how her day was and see if you get into a conversation again.

Other's may have better advice.

My usual method at this point would be to suggest What's App. I think that works well because shorter messages are more acceptible. There is a bit of a pressure to make a POF message full and big which isn't always going to be the case.

If we're chatting this evening I'll suggest WA and see if we can take it there. That should give a decent indication of whether she wants to continue outside of POF.

Info - good luck. remembers advice is good. I like to move to WA as soon as I'm comfortable chatting with someone. It makes it easier.
Good luck with your date Bernie

My date with MrMechanic today was lovely. It's a shame he lives over an hour away. We spent nearly 3hrs together, shopping and lunch. And chatted all the time, no awkward silences. But work and life means that the only time we realistically can meet would be Sundays and not even every Sunday.
So I told him the distance was a big issue and he agreed but asked if we could stay friends. I'm happy with that as I'd like to see him again but it's not enough to build a relationship.

Oh Runny...if only the distance I had to worry about was 1 hour...mine lives in Australia!

but i tell you what, we communicate twice a day and I have found out more about him from that online communication than I did when we were together.

he says i make him very happy and he will be back asap...

Hello all, I've been lurking on the thread for the past few days.

I've just come out of a 20yr relationship so this is all new to me. Joined Tinder before Christmas and have low of matches and have been messaging a few men but have only been on one date which I didn't take any further.

Have a date arranged for next Sunday but he is quite hard work to chat to. We haven't spoken on the phone yet, just messages and although he always replies and is often the one to initiate a conversation h just doesn't have masses to say. I know a little bit about him and it was him who suggested meeting so I'm hoping he's a better communicator in real life.

Our date is going to be during the day and he has asked a few times now what I'd like to do/where to go and I honestly don't know. I guess coffee somewhere would be the natural option but if I'm honest I'd prefer an evening date as I could do with some Dutch courage! I feel a little bit exposed during the day...I don't have much confidence at the moment. Any ideas what we could do? And what should I wear? lol I said, I'm totally new to all this!

Have also joined Bumble but can't seem to make much sense of it.

Runny, I'm having the same issue with distance, trying to start a relationship with someone you can only see once every ten days or so is tricky unless you are really into each other, you then have the issue of what happens in the future if you want to move things on (move in together), this is what's putting me off with Mr MOD, he says that he loves where he lives and would probably stay there forever, if this is true (he changes his mind a lot) then things are never going to move on from us just dating as I am not willing to move from where I live, I hate where he lives . I am now remembering why I wanted to find someone local.

Have fun Bernie!!

Hi Carrie, I think there are a few of us on here who have come out of 20 year relationships - its all a bit daunting, isn't it

For you date daytime can be good, then it is perhaps more relaxed? Coffee somewhere or a drink in a pub you like? I'd go for smart casual, so jeans or a skirt you like and a tidy top. Whatever you wear, you want to feel comfortable.

Also, don't worry too much about whether they have much to say via messaging. People who are funny online are often dull in real life, and vice versa.

Runny good the date went went well. Maybe more can be built from the friendship in the future and he moves nearer? .

Info def go for WA and show interest. It's better to lose someone as they decide you don't have enough in common then lose someone as they misread signals and think you're not keen.

My 3rd date went brilliantly well and now the only thing I'm worried about is that I will mess it up. I've consistently dated over past few months without break, my EA exH is still trying to be controlling and I'm unfortunately tied to my last exBF through an activity I've signed up to that DCs want to do. He, on the otherhand, has had a decent break from dating and no awkward ties. He seems to be ok at the moment.

MrsFluff it's very daunting, I got with my ex when I was 17, we didn't even date not really so this is totally alien to me! It's exciting though, and is a good distraction from the stress of the divorce if I'm honest.

Bant my best friend has said pretty much the same as you about how he comes across in messages. He's a salesman so I'm imagining he must have more personality than is coming through at the moment?

I'm overthinking things, I have a tendency to do that far too much.

Thanks everyone. My date has just messaged to say he understands about the distance issues and is happy to be friends. So we've agreed to meet again sometime in the future but it probably won't be any time soon.

Carrie I got divorced three years ago after being married for 20+ years. It's taken me a while to get the courage to start dating. This thread has been very helpful. Lots of good advice here.

My date was cancelled this afternoon, we'd wanted to go for a walk but it was wet and windy and to be honest there's nothing else really to do on a Sunday afternoon in winter in Brittany. We've rearranged to go out to dinner on Tuesday night so I'm looking forward to that.

Like you Carrie and others it's 25 years since I was last dating so very different now, but I'm having lots of fun.

I met my ex at 19 Carrie and like you, we didn't really date. So OLD was a completely new world for me, mostly it's been quite a laugh.........though not always for the right reasons I am in a relationship now, but love reading this thread and checking how everyone is getting on.

Do you ever want to message someone after reading their profile to ask them if it ever works?

Nice enough looking guy in the first pic, second pic was a picture of a Bentley, third a massive house.

Last line of his profile... yes that's my house and yes that's my Bentley.

Why??? He will be wondering why he ends up with a gold digger

chuckle I often wonder the same about women's profiles showing them in lingerie, showing cleavage, and if they ever get annoyed about men just wanting them for sex