Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Info, you could name change so even if found it would not link to any of your other posts and maybe change a few minor details?

I've done a name change as I was starting to get a bit careless about what I was writing and starting to out myself!. I'm definitely OI in my iron now, I get butterflies when I think about him! I've always disliked kissing and haven't been on many dates so I'm not sure when or how to initiate it without seeming awkward when I see him again. I wish I was a teenager again so that wasn't a weird thing to say!

Minop, sorry your date didn't go well, best not to overthink things, he sounds like a coward, not the sort of man you want in your life. Move on to the next one and forget about him, online dating is hard work and I have come to realise that how ever much you talk to someone before a date, how ever much you think you know them, things can be very different when you meet in the flesh, this I why I hate chatting to someone for weeks before meeting.

Not sure if Mr MOD is coming over today, he's quite ill and I think if he comes over I will end up playing nurse and not in a good way . I'm not too bothered if he doesn't turn up.

Love something you said before about having doubts resonated with me and now the saying it's ok if he doesn't come over when I suspect you do care is like me too. I could be completely off here (and fine please say it) but are you finding things harder than you think they should be and having hot and cold signals from your iron?

I'm on my 6th iron over 5 months (lots of chat with all but 3 short and 2x 2 month) and I've noticed I have a tendency to not naturally challenge a situation and have to make myself say things like "where is this going?, I don't like 'X' and I'm not confident/happy".

I may be completely off, and I hope he does come over and all is well.

I may also be biased as well as I'm used to dating men with issues (control, passive-agression, addictions, not over ex etc.), current iron currently has no issues and it's a good change.

Info and Bant you sound like some of the few good guys!

I'm sure there are lots of good men out there.

Online dating, though, lends itself to bad behaviour.

I've ghosted before, because someone was far more into me than I was into them. And their weird behaviour only emerged shortly after we'd slept together for the first time.
I've also been ghosted, both before and after sex.

im currently going off my date from Wednesday, because a former iron popped back up and wanted to chat.

I'm not over my ex, which isn't helped by the fact she keeps looking at my profile on OD. I should block her on there too, but that will hurt her and I don't want her hurt, I want her fixed enough to have a relationship.

So I'm not a stalkerish, weird, aggressive wanker like you lot have to put up with, but I'm hardly perfect.

Lilac, you are probably right. He's now saying he is coming over but not sure how long for as he's feeling quite ill (possible chest infection). I think I have just been trying not to get my hopes up about anything as in the past things haven't gone great with OLD, before I met my last partner (which lasted a year) I had many irons, some just disappeared after 3 dates, some I just didn't connect with and some were just plain weird. My last partner has really knocked my confidence and has made me realise that I can't trust anyone that I have only known for a few weeks (even months) so I guess I am looking for things to go wrong. I just hope it doesn't stop me from being happy with the right person. Mr MOD seems quite genuine, he seems kind and I find him very interesting but then again I did with my ex and he turned out to be a liar and a cheat. Reading the signals is so hard and I often get it wrong. I gues I am just trying hard not to get attached too early so I don't get hurt. Maybe I need to be a bit more forward, I have tried to be, when he went quite earlier in the week I questioned it and he reassured me that he really likes me and I have nothing to worry about. He is prone to being ill due to having battled cancer last year so I do believe that he is ill.

minop what a horrible date. See it as a lucky escape and move on.
I think I have found someone similar! We were supposed to meet for drinks thurs eve but he cancelled at last minute cos of traffic. The roads were gridlocked so I believed him.
He rearranged for 'sometime' today but has just messaged to say he has to go to London for a family emergency. Don't think I'll be hearing from him again.
I'm meeting MrMechanic tomorrow for coffee. I've cancelled once as he lives over an hour away and I don't think he's my type. But he's kept in touch despite me telling him this and says he's happy as friends. Think he might be OI in me.

Love he does sound more genuine with the background you've described. I think dating is a bit like both wanting to be together but not wanting to be burned, so his reticence could be normal. I'm not happy to be told "I may come over / I may not", but in this case it appears to make sense. If it goes on all the time it would cause anxiety though?

Runny do you have other irons that you could meet instead as sounds like you're not bothered so a bit of a waste of travelling (or he's travelling to you)?

I think so Lilac. I have threatened to take him to the walk in centre if he is actually as ill as he says he is, he had pnomonia last year apparently. Could be a very boring day, not what we planned. I have a tendency to mother people, I'm trying hard not too .
We have spoke quite openly about what we want and agreed that we would just see each other once a week and that we would take things slowly so neither of us get hurt, I am trying really hard to stick to that but then he says things like 'he's falling for me' and has mentioned the L word which I kind of ignore. I think he's just running away with himself a little due to being single for so long.
He's on his way over now so will see how he is when he gets here.

Do you say irons as in irons in the fire?

Lilac he's coming to me. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and I've told him how I feel but he still wants to meet. I think it might be easier to tell him face to face that he's not the one. But you never know - he might be different in RL.
I have other irons but they're not moving very quickly in the right direction

Minop how horrible of him, maybe he just didn't feel it in once you had met, it happens and it's not your fault, but he should have dealt with it differently. I remember meeting a guy who I'd been talking to for a few weeks, as soon as I saw him I just knew it wasn't there, however I stayed, had a couple of drinks, we had a nice evening
I then made my excuses and left. He text me that night to ask for a second date to which I replied I had a lovely evening, thank you, it was lovely to meet you but I just don't think it's going to happen, good luck though. I felt a complete bitch, as he was on a different page but I made a vow never to ghost, its horrible (luckily I never found myself in a position where I had to ghost due to weirdness though as Bant did).
I think ghosting is a lot more common from men, sorry guys no offence meant, maybe its just because they are wired differently and tend not to oi so can't understand how it would feel, or maybe they just struggle with having that conversation, either way Minop sounds like he was no great loss, onwards and upwards. FWIW I also had a rule that if someone cancelled or mucked me around about the first date, I didn't rearrange, thats just because I realised that the times I did this to someone it was because I wasn't really into it/them so I thought that's probably the same for them so what's the point, however that was just a rule that worked for me.
Love how long have you been single, without sounding patronising, have you given yourself enough time? One of the things I found when I jumped straight back into dating was that I didn't trust anyone, in reality it wasn't them I just didn't trust myself. My previous relationship had left me with a feeling of being fooled, I no longer had faith in my own ability to pick a good one. I stopped dating and worked on that because I couldn't stand the constant anxiety I felt and how I was analysing everything the said/text/did. I enjoyed being on my own, built up my ability to trust my own judgement again, went back online and then meet my bf.
Once I knew I had the ability to trust my gut when I felt I was being mucked around it all became so much easier to allow myself to trust someone else.
Oh Btw my dp is someone who I had previously spoke to on Pof but had ruled out for various reasons so we had never gotten any further than a few initial messages on the app. After many disastaterous (if not entertaining first dates) we ended up chatting again and well a year later we now live together, it's funny how things work out isn't it? That's why it's all so exciting.

Runnymummy we've all met people after we had been talking to and built a rapport with just to find in real life it wasn't there. Who's to say it can't work the other way and in rl you do get that wow moment when you wasn't expecting it. Stranger things have happened lol, I think as long as you've been honest, to manage his expectations, like you have. And you don't muck him around after the date if it's definitely not there, which I'm sure you won't, then you're doing nothing wrong by meeting him and have nothing to loose. Good luck everyone on your dates this weekend.

Thanks TG. I've just messaged him to say we need to be honest tomorrow with each other about how we feel after meeting. And he says he agrees. We're having coffee and doing some shopping so we'll see what happens

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I'm so bad I just pop in and out and then go for a couple of weeks. And then it takes me ages to catch up.

I've got a date tonight. I'm wondering if I date too much. I'm the one date wonder!

love hope today is going well and runny that your date surprises you!

I'm on a 3rd date tonight and OI but I like him and he seems normal and keen...wondering if there's a catch.

Good first date today .

We have already arranged date no.2 (unfortunately not for ten days due to various commitments, mostly mine).

My God though, after 2 and a half years of abstinence, meeting somebody I get on with (and fancy) is like opening the flood gates.....all I can think about is !SEX! !SEX! !SEX!

If date no.2 goes well, it will take every ounce of self control for me to make it to date no.3 before pouncing on the poor unfortunate....

Stubborn you don't have to hold back if you get to date 3. I'm on date 3 tonight (soon -eek) and going to see how it goes.

"GERONIMOOOO!!!"

(cough. As you were ).

Off swimming now. Think I'd better be spending a lot of time in the cold shower...

Stubborn, glad your date went well 😊 Hope you get mooseburger on your 2nd date.

Mr MOD has just left, I'm still trying to work him out, we spent quite a few hours together but he couldn't stay the night as he has some work to do (he appolagised and said he would make it up to me). He seems a bit too relaxed about everything. Last time he stayed over, we had great sex but this time he seemed more interested in doing other things, like talking, talking some more and then more talking, mainly about himself which got a little bit anoying. I now feel frustrated that I didn't get sex as I probably won't see him now for 10 days or more (a woman has needs) . In his eyes I am his girlfriend/partner but I don't think I'm ready to be exclusive, I'm still getting to know him and I don't think I live with just having sex once every 2 weeks .

Ooh good luck all those on dates to tonight!

I Was expecting a call at 6pm but just called now. I don't feel like heading out now it'll take me over an hour to get to where we're meeting.

It just feels late. I was expecting not to hear from him after he didn't call when he said. I messaged at 630 to see what was happening. I want to watch casualty.

Minop that was terrible of him, but he's done you a massive favour in the long-run.

Stubborn I know exactly how you feel, but my dry patch has been about 4.5 years since my divorce and the last few years of my marriage were pretty dire in terms of sex too. in fact it's been so long that parts of my body must think they've turned vegan.

But my date from last night has contacted me to arrange to go for a walk tomorrow afternoon. I'm looking forward to it, I liked him when we met yesterday, he seemed very gentle and calm. He's a psychiatric nurse so maybe it's the experience from his work and his nature.

He's worried about our age difference, I'm 45 and he's 54. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I did go for a date last week with a guy younger than me and found that to be quite difficult so maybe he's experiencing the same thing. We'll see I hope not, because I did quite fancy him too, so like Stubborn have a one-track mind at the moment.

Me, I'm worried that I won't ever be able to commit fully to a relationship, my XH was EA amongst other things, I don't know if I could ever fling myself heart and soul into another relationship with someone. Mr Nurse works permanent nights and it has occurred to me that at least he won't want to be with me every night. I'm terrified of having someone trying to take control of my life away from me again now I've got it back, but at the same time I want someone to make me feel special. I think he's got bigger problems than an age difference to deal with. I need to give myself a good talking to as well. Oh well, I'll see how we get on tomorrow.

Do you have to fling yourself into a committed relationship though, brittany? There's no law saying you can't see someone casually.

My date from today (think I'll have to call him Mr Anarchist- Mr Intellectual is already taken ) is 10 years older than me and lied about his age on his profile . He was very open about it though once we met up. My upper age limit was 50, and he's 52, although I do have to say looks good on it. Can't believe I'd even consider someone who lied about their age, but his good points seem to render that irrelevant. So far.

Regarding the vegan parts- wishing us both a feast of mooseburger in the near future!