Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Thanks remember, I think a lot of it is just me comparing him to my ex , my ex gave me a lot of attention and was pretty full on but turned out he was cheating. Maybe not messaging all the time is a good thing? He has messaged this morning to say he can't wait to see me tomorrow, I probably won't speak to him now until tomorrow as he is busy with work. I find it hard to take things slow but I know that this is why I have messed up in the past so the fact that we can't see each other very often is probably a good thing as we can't jump into anything full on. I do like him a lot but I'm not sure if he's 'the one', I guess time will tell.

Chucklecheeks I know its a few pages back but I really wanted to apologies if I sounded judgmental, it really wasn't my intention. My comment is based on my own experience and traumas, as a single parent and what I could or couldn't cope with. Also what love said.

love wise words from remember. Finger crossed tomorrow is going to happen and you may have a clearer picture

Good luck Love - it sounds very positive!

I am meeting the remaining iron on Sunday for an hour. We spoke on the phone (3 times) last night. He sounds nice, very funny and earthy. Although probably not relationship material, but definately "fun" material. So, for the first time ever, I am off to meet someone whom I think I will end up "having fun with", rather than getting serious with. It's quite liberating. - we all need more fun in our lives!!!

Inthemood to have no need to apologise. It makes me very wary and I'm trying not to judge him by using my friend as a base to go off.

Only time will tell I suppose. I'm going very slow. No MB and next date in a pub for food but midweek with someone babysitting the kids.

In a way I'm kind of relieved as it's made me take a step back and not OI in him. Maybe I'm finally getting the hang of it or maybe I'm just not that in to it.

God I'm never bloody happy

You have no need to apologise*

Bernie, 3 months on and my bit of 'fun' is now my rather lovely boyfriend - never say never!!

Mrsfluff - oooh, who knows. I'll let you know how it goes on Sunday

Good luck, I'll await your update with interest

Love with my last iron (of 2mths) I found that he dropped his interest as the weeks went on. I thought he could just be getting settled to us being together, but he never spoke of developing feelings and we had a serious talk and he wasn't sure of his feelings. In your case he is saying positive things so if he shows it and you spend time together as planned I think he is just being more relaxed.

So, I've just come back from a first date with a guy from tinder. It was meant to be tomorrow but he asked to change to after work tonight. I wasn't holding out much hope to be honest, I've had flu all week and still sound like I've been smoking 40 a day all my life. I work in a crèche and one of my babies was ill today. She vomited all over me this afternoon so I had to change my top into the top I was planning on wearing tonight. Then, 15 minutes before I left for my date the same baby managed to throw a bowl of compote over me. So I went on my date probably smelling of baby vomit and apple compote.

We only met for a coffee for an hour but seemed to get along ok. He was very nice and said he found my accent very sexy. But all the French men say that. We've swapped numbers and have agreed we'd like to have a second longer date, so his shift pattern permitting we will get together next weekend.

So fingers crossed. However, another guy on tinder sent me a message in the middle of the night, I responded this morning, he sent one back while I was at work and because I haven't answered straightaway he emailed later saying never mind. So a lucky escape there.

Brittany didn't you know that you have to be ready and willing for dating all day and night? Heaven forbid you have a job and need to sleep

Hopefully the other date was too interested in you to be put off by unusual fruity smells.

Well.. fuck.

I have an actual date I'm really really scared!!! lol

Ooh good luck ark! When is it?

Next Friday. We've been talking for about 7 weeks. He's really lovely.

I have never been on a date before

Well I may have a couple of tinder dates lined up for next week
Except one guy chatted a bit yesterday, arranged coffee meet up for early next week but not heard from him since even after I sent a short message earlier . But see he has viewed my pof profile. Am assuming there is something there he doesn't like. Maybe I am reading too much into it.
Anyone else found tinder dates flakey? On my profile I say want to meet fairly quickly, but had this happen before. I am clear I am looking for a relationship not a hook up though

I think we often get confused between arranging the date, and the date itself.

We've been trying to get a woman to talk to us. We succeeded.
Then we want to see if they're okay and prove that we are.
Then we want them to agree to meet us in person. If we succeed at that, the next step is to impress them in person.

But there's a long....

Wait...

Until that next step. What do we do in the meantime? Kill time?

(I know, i know, but it's all been leading up to that question and answer, and now we're not sure what to say or do. )

Hit the jackpot again.
Last week my tinder date cancelled on me but was persistent in arranging another so we met tonight.
We had drinks which went well then went for food. As we sat down he had to take a call from his mum. He came back stressed and said his son was in hospital so had to leave. We hadn't ordered so got up and left.
At the train station I kissed him good bye and got in a taxi. When I got home I text him and he replied but then block me on WhatsApp and deleted match on tinder.
We had been talking on the phone most nights for hours at a time. I felt like I knew him but it's all bull till it happens.
Is there any decent men out there?!?

Oh Minop, I am really sorry that happened. Why do they do this. Why not be a proper man and explain. Yes, he may have been stressed about his son or maybe that was a plan to leave. Either way honesty seems to be something they can't cope with.

My therapist suggested that such men have a fear of intimacy. They can cope with the phone chats and the texting but when it actually comes down to meeting and engaging in real life relationships they simply can't cope. it becomes too real and frightening for them.

Can I say that yes there are decent men out there. Pretty sure i have met one. Open with his feelings from the start, completely present and intimate when it comes to talking and a hard working man who loves his kids. if only he didn't live 24 hours away....

Thanks bant, well am not going to chase. Will see if he gets back in touch, not holding my breath though!
Minop, sorry to hear about your date, that sucks. I think from all our various experiences on here it's clear that no matter what the build up to a date/how long before mb etc etc has absolutely no bearing over what happens. It is fucking harsh out there it really is and it's so hard dealing with the knock backs, especially when you think there's a connection.
But I think all we can do is date with integrity ourselves and then if someone treats us badly it is all about them.

Minop he sounds odd and in the future you will probably find this a funny story to tell. I wonder if he's over his ex, maybe wants to move on but then in person it all feels too 'real'.

Online dating is a nightmare. There are so many liars. I've just binned a guy who I actually really liked in person. Despite saying to me that he really wants a relationship with me, I found that he keeps on and on adding camgirls to his Facebook friends. We are not just talking a few either. This, together with a few other things screams porn addiction to me.

Luckily he doesn't live close enough for me to get attached yet.

Minop, is there a chance it was actually his wife cslling?

I went on a date once where the babysitter called with an emergency. She left, and then never responded to my messages.

It's not men, it's just cowards.

Who knows who was on the phone, or what he was thinking. The whole thing was just strange. I'm not going to over analyse it too much as it is what it is.

Why this whole process is so hard I don't know. I know there's some good ones out there. Surly they has to be. It would just be nice if they had a sign on their head as my good man radar is clearly broke!

There are good ones out there, we're trying our best to be spotted!

I would love to ask advice on something relating to a real world thing but can't as the forum is open to non members too. The chances of it being read by the person are like slim to zero bit of I'm here, she could be too.