Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Inthemood, I do think I'm being paranoid, maybe I should be more open with him about what I want but I am unsure what I really want. I have only been single for just over a month, after a pretty shit one year relationship with someone I met on line, this time I think I treading extra carefully but being quite paranoid. The time I have spent with Mr MOD has been great, we have loads in common and I feel comfortable around him, I tried to make it clear to him that I don't want to rush anything and the fact he lives quite far away is good as we have to take things slow ( see each other once a week at the most ). I think I'm being paranoid because he has backed of with the messaging a bit but then he has explained he is ill and he struggles to function when he's unwell ( he's recovering from having surgery ). I think I just panicked because I thought he was going to vanish like a lot of men do after DTD. He has reassured me that he really likes me, if anything he's probably more into me than I am him. I'm unsure what I want at the moment and I have lots of other things going on with family which isn't helping.

Still waiting for more details about the dates from last night , glad bit posters seemed to have a good time x

Well my date from last night went well. Looked like his pics and was nice and chatty. There was an attraction but I can see it being a slow burner. I'm really trying to go slow too so we've agreed to meet next week as it's the soonest I can't get a baby sitter.

There was an odd moment when he got embarrassed about telling me he has four kids but three different women. But they are well spaced out and he seems on good terms with the mums.

Made me think but hasn't put me off. Just a bit wary I suppose.

Okay. Last night I drove over to near her, about 45 minutes from mine. We sat and had drinks (I had a shandy) and talked for over two hours. Laughed a bit. A couple of slight pauses in conversation but we'd only been messaging for two or three days.

She didn't look like her best photos, but they were unbelievably good.

I walked her out to the car park, we had a quick kiss. Then a slightly slower one.

I think at one point when saying goodbye she mentioned that she only lived a five minute drive away. I wasn't sure if that was an invitation or not, she had the house to herself.. But I had told her to drive safely, so maybe not.

But either way I drove home, asked her on another date. She said yes

sorry it would put me off, as a SP I cannot deal with odd background. Last year I met a nice guy, really nice and lots in common, but when he spoke about not seeing two of his 3 dc I just couldn't shake that feeling off

Slightly relived I didn't go on a date with Bant without realising

bant is this a cut & paste from your last date or do you always have shandies ?

Slightly relived I didn't go on a date with Bant without realising grin

Chucklecheeks !
watch out for shandy drinking men, ladies, that all I say

He sees all of his kids regularly and shares 50/50. I have a female friend in a similar situation and I would hate people to judge her purely based on who her kids fathers are. Each time she had a DC she was in a committed relationship and like my date they were spaced out. His are 21, 14, 14 and 3.

It makes me wary but I would never judge based on that. My friend deserves happiness so I can't judge him for the same.

I think NOT seeing any amount of children is more of a red flag

I've got a couple of hundred likes on pof. I don't pay, so just have the free version so it only tells me when it's mutual, there are about thirty of those.

Some, I looked at their profile and something put me off. Bitterness or too many 'lol!!!'s or describing themselves as cray-zee. (Shudder)

A few I messaged. A few of those replied. I met one of them.

Generally I'll go for attractive women, roughly my age, educated with kids. Lots of other men go for those too, so they often won't be out there using meetme until they get to my profile. I've got to do the messaging.

I receive about a dozen views a day, but it's rare I find them attractive. I get roughly three or four messages a week, although it varies. These things fluctuate but averaging it out, I think that's roughly it.

I think I've only ever once found someone who messaged me first attractive and interesting enough to meet.

It all comes from me messaging them and not saying 'hey Hun' and not being an idiot. Lots of hard work :)

Great news Bant and Chuckle on the good dates. Must have been a good night for them last night.

I met mine for a drink in a pub and then dinner. I was a bit worried I wouldn't fancy him at all since we had been messaging a while but he looked good and smelt nice and well dressed. We then went for a Thai and then one last quick drink in the pub. We seemed to get on well, couple quiet moments but not awkward. He gave me a brief kiss before we went home and then sent me a message when he got home telling me had had a great time, and I replied similar.

I haven't heard from him yet today but would see him again . Only thing is we seem to be on a bit of a conflicting childcare pattern- have them on opposite weekends so if we did start seeing each other would need to try and swap them.

Now, the waiting to see if he messages, since I replied last, last night

Sounds like it's going super well with the dates, nice one Bant!

I reckon some of you guys will be thinking about my situation, his profile is good enough and he seems a decent guy so he must just look like shit ha ha. I wanted to add that I've had decent success in the past and always had good looking girlfriends. The one I had in 2011 was absolutely weapons grade so it can be done for me, it's just not been happening at all since 2015.

I would be wary of the 4 children with 3 different mothers too, only because it shows that he's not likely to stay in a relationship long term. It doesn't make him a bad parent or a bad person and it's good he sees all his children. Also arranging dates around seeing his children might be tricky?

Bant & Chuckle- great stuff on your 1st date news.
Well my shiny new iron has disappeared. We had spoken - perhaps he was too good to be true. Plus he was tall!

Have just spotted an awful profile....
Do not read on if you are easily offended.

Easy going carefree nice woman. That enjoys regular spunk swallowing. If not for you then thanks for looking. Take care
Such a charmer.

Think I feel like a wee rest from OLD!

At least he said thanks for looking, seems a good fella ha ha.

He is certainly upfront about his needs

Lettuce...yuk! I wonder if he's had any success. that is rather specific.

Info - please don't give up and no, we don't think you must be unattractive. You sound quite nice actually. Could it be your location? (clutching at straws here!).

Do you mention your job...that's actually quite important for me. I know it shouldn't be, but i want solvent, hard working, ambitious and bright enough to have a good job. its an indicator of lots of things.

I actually made my entire profile around my job (I am lucky it is quite an interesting one). because it is creative, it made me sound more interesting than I actually am - maybe!

chuckle I think a lot of women will say they are put off by the amount of children and different mothers but very persons individual circumstances are different and it's all too easy to judge when we don't know these.

I'm like you, I have a friend who has children with different fathers. On paper she doesn't sound great but I know she was actually married for years to, or engaged to them and she's a good person who gets judged wrongly. Each to their own I say..

On another note, am I the only one put off by people I'm chatting too saying Hahaha every few sentances? Better than LOL admittedly but manic ha ha HA HAAAAA ing is a bit of a turn off for me...

Depends if they're laughing at your jokes, or just giggling at their own witty banter like an imbecile, last

I do mention my job but I just say that I'm a techie. Thing is, if you play that one down you sound like any computer person and if I went into details, it sounds pretentious perhaps and possibly boring to people. I would imagine many women find techie guys a bit boring!

It's a good job though :)

Info I love me a techie guy! What is it exactly that you do?

MrLD is a writer in the technical field. I don't understand half of what he does but I've read some of his work now and I know more about cloud operating systems than I did before...

info I was musing your not getting many replies or messages as to possible reasons as you come across so well. So firstly are you quite short? POF obviously lists heights and it's very shallow but ladies these days seem to have a facintation and indeed requirement for taller men..
Are you tattooed/pierced? Another more niche thing? I mean myself, I like tattoos but some don't I guess, and if you also have very cropped hair then it may make you look less friendly than you obviously are.. ermmm other things that make me think twice are when men have it down as "not looking for anything" under the bit asking what you are looking for. That makes me worry they are just looking for casual sex. Lastly where it says about having more children, if they say no, I worry they wound want to date me as I have a little boy aged 4 who doesn't have a dad so that would make me think he wouldn't be interested.
These are obviously just my own personal musings and feelings, every woman is different but I just thought it might give you something else to consider for what it's worth! I'm rorotimg for you to get a date or 2 now!

The charmer did not have a photograph sadly. I did not even notice his profile name. -I was to busy liking him and composing my 1st message to him- NOT!

Info I am not sure there is any rhyme or reason sometimes to attracting interested "traffic" to your profile.
A while back I was so bored by the whole thing that I started a wee game. I chose only tall guys, then only short guys, another time guys quite a bit younger than me. It certainly proved interesting. I had alot of dates in about two months. Some great chats. Good coffee. Nice food. My poor friend had to put up with regular texts....saying I was safe home! I gained a good though short male friend who sadly lives too far away. He was keen to become FWB. I still am tempted some days!
I had one 1st date with a 37 year old who had better shaped eyebrows than me. I should point out I was 49.
I always offered to pay, early days on OLD I was never taken up on the offer. It began to bother me. From then on I always paid something or the whole bill. Things went weird it either made for an awful atmosphere or perhaps I was seen as too feisty and trouble. It rocked the boat!!!

So lettuce what, if anything did you deduce from your experiment?