Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Good luck Chuckle, have fun!!

Waiting for date updates. With lack of irons, I have to live vicariously through you lot!

I remember the dry spells, when you just thought 'fuck it, I CBA' then there would be three at once. I think that's the nature of the beast. I used to love the first date butterflies but then the disappointment when there was no spark would be horrible. It does drive you to thoughts of why am I even bothering. I suppose you just have to look at it as if it happens it does, if it doesn't I'm one step closer to finding what I'm looking for.
It's hard not to become OI when you talk to a person, even by text, for weeks then meet and there's nothing there but I just used to look at it as 'hey that's one more ticked off the wrong for me list'
Don't get me wrong I love my bf, I'm happy and I'm so glad I met him, he was definitely worth all of the BAD first dates (well most of the time lol) but looking back I did have some laughs and I managed to keep my mates, sister and work colleagues entertained with, funny dates stories, for months,
Like moat things in life old was an experience I'm mostly glad I encountered, even though was brutal at times, it definitely takes some effort, but it can also be entertaining, fun and, if you find what you want/need very worthwhile.

Delurking here.. TG that is exactly my view except I couldn't articulate it! Thanks

Delurking here.. TG that is exactly my view except I couldn't articulate it! Thanks

mrsfluff I'm getting there. MrLD is very reassuring! I'm learning to trust he means what he says.

TGiftsNot That is absolutely spot on, but described so succinctly.
Are you an author or a writer?

Well after a horribly anxious wait since my last date with Mr football nearly 2 weeks ago I think I have reached the point of accepting the situation. He has blown hot and cold since we dtd on second date. Had a third date which went so well and were talking relationship, seeing more of each other etc etc. Then waiting for follow up for next date... No response to.asking when free... Has been very hard to accept as though I knew we were not really a long term match, we had great chemistry and got on really well. Quite gutted as feels like rejection. Am definitely going to try and follow rules of thread 2,3,4,6,7 and 8!!! Felt differently as was soneone from real life but think same rules have to apply and maybe even more so: definitely got way more into it than if had been someone random and although he is not being direct with me probably to stop himslef looking like an a hole direct is.sometimes better than a slow fade when you don't know where you stand.
Anyway, sorry for my rant.at least it has clarified to me how.much I would like to be in a good relationship and how important the passion and chemistry side is. Back onto online and hope meet someone half decent!!!

Good date :)

Good date here too

I'm thinking about binning it all off. I know patience is a virtue but I've been using it since Nov 2015, that's pretty patient!

Einstein said the sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results and that's what I'm doing with OLD.

It's always that little glimmer that keeps you going back though, the chance that your person might be around and might reply.

I'm too much of a romantic to truly give up but part of me reckons if I could convince myself that I'll just be single forever, I'd stop being fussed. I think I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight!!

Wonderful news Aint & Bant.

InfoSec are you generally a patient person? I can be so impatient; for me sometimes the anticipation of a date is so much more exciting than the actual date. Or I big something up so much that my expectaions will never be met.

I have lurked and read this thread on and off for at least four years.
I find myself logging in to read the recent updates on here and not bothering with OLD.

I don't have much patience generally really no. If I want something I tend to want it now. I want to know everything about a subject straight away too.

It can be quite a negative thing to be involved in, you start to doubt yourself when you get absolutely no results. It might be more harm than good to keep trying when it only produces negative feelings. I should set a boundary or something, try harder until end of Feb and then bin it all.

Info - I'd go the opposite way. Only allot yourself a bit of time for OD, stay away from it the rest of the time.

It's addictive, and you want responses now, and dates now.

It's different for men, we have to do the great majority of messaging, and pursuing, and it can seem like we're pissing in the wind. So you send more messages, and hear very little back, and what there is is generally dull.

If you let it take up all your time, it's soul destroying

So just limit it. Don't constantly check

Really interesting to hear Bant that you reckon the guys have to message and pursue more. That has not been my experience.

A man might like me, or have chosen to have me as one of his contacts. However I sometimes don't even get a "hello".

Ha ha lettuce soup nope not an author however writing is a passion of mine, I actually started keeping notes of my OLD experiences, sad I know but I did find it helpful, I'm a bit of a dreamer and found it helped me keep things in perspective lol.
Info I'm sure you're doing nothing wrong, don't bum it off perseverance is the key to success, in the meantime just enjoy the people you're meeting, I think that's why I liked dating I find talking to people really interesting, everyone has a story, even if it was one I didn't want to be a part of lol.
You'll get there it just takes time.
Bant yay is there a second date on the cards?

Oh info I had a particular tick list of wants, a very particular type. While my bf does kind of conform to my wants physically (in the most part) he's actually not what I thought I was looking for at all but as soon as I met him I was hooked, try not being so restrictive with what you think you want, what you actually need may be very different, just a thought, not sure it will help though.

lettucesoup >> I find myself logging in to read the recent updates on here and not bothering with OLD

Lovemusic33 its not you / your paranoia with mrMOD, he is an arsehole ;-)
You come across really upbeat and light hearted whenever you speak about anything buy MrMOD. Let him rot

buy = but

Ooh 2 good dates last night! Of course we need more info

Good idea Bant, that makes more sense.

TG, I'm not meeting anyone. I wouldn't mind if I was meeting people but just not clicking yet.

Totally agree with Bant that from our perspective, men do all the chasing. My perception of OLD is that women are seen as the treasure. They just need to sit there and wade through all the messages and pick and choose what they want. To me that's why so many women opt for the awful 'just ask' because they feel even just being there is enough. I've seen a lot of women with 'if you want me come and get me' type statements which also adds to the perception that they are expecting to be chased.

Even guys who are doing okay on here, I've never heard of anyone say they log into the volume of messages that women who do well get.

Yes but what women are telling you is that it's not strictly true...we send messages and we also get rejected or not get any replies. I matched 15 people on tinder. Only one messaged me first and out of the 8 I messaged only one messaged me back. There are plenty of men who say on their status "no talk then unmatch" but they don't bother messaging either so I really don't know what they want

TG - good to hear I'm not the only one keeping notes. I love to write as well so I've been jotting down little snippets about the men I have been in touch with. One day I hope to look back and laugh.
Info - I share your frustration! I have no patience either and I've had a couple of dates. And I've been messaging what seems like loads of guys and got nothing. They look but don't reply. I don't know what the answer is.
I messaged one yesterday. He looked at my profile but didn't reply. Then I saw today he had swiped yes to "meet me". So I decided to give him another chance and sent a second message.

Good to hear there were a couple of good dates last night.