Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Dieu dunno about wise, but here is my take. There is an addictive element to OLD. Once you have met in person and you figure that was not all that (either the date, their personality, the sex, or whatever) and you go back to the texting which is what got you hooked in the first place, your mind play selective memory on you - for a better expression - so I can see how one can feel ambivalent, between what you know and the need for your daily fix

Not sure I explain ok

That absolutely makes total sense to me. I can completely relate. Not only does OLD have an addictive element, but there is also my obsessive personality added to the mix, which doesn't help! A very interesting (and true) take on it … thank you.

See, to add my fourpenn'orth....I'd say there's an even more addictive element to sex.

If you've come out of a long, long relationship, presumably without much intimacy towards the end, and then had a period of celibacy, just one night of bumping uglies can turn you into a crazed mass of hormones (well, at least that's my experience, ahem ).

I'd say, if the urge strikes you, go back for more until you've gained a degree of immunity.....

Moodforlove I think you're right it can get a bit addictive, or 'plenty more fish go for another one'. That can help at first as it's a numbers hame and I've followed a pattern of wrting to around 10 men and find 2-3 would be good to meet. Also it's great to have it to try again when it does go wrong.

Have popped in to have a giggle with you, because you're all hilarious. I wouldn't message a Ferrari or a clapped out Ford Escort either.

I think, yes, I have no idea why a Ferrari would want me and the fear rejection is always huge. But I think the bigger point is that the couples who seem to last all have a similar level of attractiveness and I'm instinctively therefore looking for someone who is on a par with me. I'm not the best looking person out there, but I'm not the worst. I'm looking for someone who's in the same sort of league as I think that makes things more likely to work out.

I agree POF is like McDonalds. I quite fancy the idea of a farmers' market deli instead.

It's hard keeping up with you all - have there been any success stories lately? It's always lovely to hear a bit of good news.

Have been expanding my real life social circles a little lately. Haven't met any irons, but the closer I get to new people, the more likely they are to introduce me to someone who is an iron or knows one. Am trying to be more sociable than I feel because at this point, it's the only idea I've got. Meet lots of new people, try to enjoy the experience and hope for the best...

Good to see you back Pringle. RL plans sound positive.

I seem to have a knack of getting potential irons, but can't get passed the almost two month stage (or even one date stage with some).

Attempting a date 2 on Thu.

You're not tempted to 'go fishing' for potentials on OLD?

Lilacpink40 Every so often I have a look and there's nothing that tempts me. OLD is great in that you can screen people out for any number of arbitrary reasons (age, geography, height) but you don't get to hear what they sound like (a man's voice can make or break his attractiveness for me!) and you don't have any of the security of knowing that they won't behave like complete douchebags because of the fear of a mutual acquaintance finding out.

That sounds a lot like I'm scared, doesn't it? But I don't think I am. I think I'm a lot more fearless these days having tried out OLD. I wouldn't be actively trying to speak to new people otherwise - that's definitely a positive change that I've made. I don't think I'm a complete lost cause yet...

Hope date 2 goes well. Not long to go now, I expect full details in due course.

I'm back on OLD after my relationship ended horribly last year. So far I've had 3 dates, 2 with men that just didn't spark it for me at all. One actually sounded exactly like an ex so I'm with you on hearing the voice first! The dates were a little odd in the first place too.

The last date went really well, sparks flying, conversation was great and really fancied him but we're now FWB which actually seems to be working for me. I think being desperate to meet someone stemmed from ending my last relationship and the fact he's got a new girlfriend already who is not that attractive not bitter at all

Am just trying to not over invest in this one!

Having a day away from OLD and men in general today ( i think sometimes it just takes over everything ). A bit annoyed with Mr MOD as I stayed up last night to chat to him after work, he kept disappearing to do things so I just went to bed, then got a message saying 'he was sorry and knew I stayed up and he will talk tomorrow', also in the night I received cock photos from Mr Nice ( my last date where there was no spark ), apparently he has tried everything else to get me interested so thought he would try this , actually his cock is probably the only good thing about him but I still couldn't picture myself DTD with him . So today I'm going to do nice things on my own and then meet a friend for a hour and take a break from men. They really are all the same aren't they? ( sorry Bant and info ).

I'd never send those pictures. It's more that I just wouldn't want that out there in the world though, you could post that anywhere. I don't think women really find that exciting anyway, not in the way that we'd react if we got some boobies in the post!!

Not sure on wider perspective, but I've tried sexting with dates and it's just funny. Also penis photos look grim even if well proportioned. I'd rather chat normally and have mooseburgers in RL.

So what happens on this thread if you find a relationship....do i have to go sit in a corner until such time as i am dating again?

Mr Intellectual and i have agreed to be "exclusive" for the six months he is away and to test the waters again when he comes back. Then decide how to proceed at that point.

In fact due to circumstances, he may well be back sooner than that.

Hopefully my limited dating experience will offer some insights here - even if i am off the market myself? At the very least I can talk about the joys of a long distance relationship...

That's great news remember - well done!
You now have the great honour of providing sage advice to the rest of us and breathing long sighs of relief that you don't have to go through the psychologicial turmoul of first dates.

So after an awful date on Saturday, I started chatting to three new irons, which has now whittled down to one as I find chatting to more than that quite confusing. He seems nice but lets see.
He did ask me to send a photo of myself yesterday but as I am not very photogenic (I don't take a good photo at all) I don't have many, so sent one from a few months ago which was "acceptable" - he then said he was tired and going to bed......... He did say could we talk again today, so I will await to see if I am ghosted later!

I love this thread, even though I'm no longer OLD, you do all make me laugh and it's really good to read the men's posts too. BTW Info your profile sounds great so just keep with it.
Bant your analogy of the sites was classic.
All these posts remind me of my two years (on and off) of OLD escapades which included lots of first dates, lots of no second dates, a brief 'relationship' with someone who turned out to be a complete phsyco who continued to contact me up until his girlfriend gave birth (still not sure which one of us was the OW but that's a whole other story lol) lots of MB and I'm pleased to say ended when I met my bf who I'm now living with. I met him on PoF (I've always been partial to a big Mac Bant).
I feel like an infiltrator here so I won't post again but I just wanted to say good luck to you all, dont take it all too seriously, I looked at it as another way to possibly meet someone , rather than the only way, and once I accepted it may not happen but decided to just enjoy it anyway it did.

Boobies in the post Info really made me chuckle!
Without a doubt I need to get out more. I have been whittling down my 'irons' some of them were SO uninspiring! I was then ghosted by one and blocked by Mr Squeak. He had seemed nice and we had messaged briefly. We then spoke, his squeaky voice was not for me. However he was very keen to have a full and frank coversation about religion - I declined. He put the phone down mid conversation and instantly blocked me. As a result I have scavenged and have a lovely new iron. There are very few men on old in my area. I think I may have to brave POF.
Brilliant to hear the success stories on here. The grim stories (although unpleasant) are also really helpful... as OLD can be so soul destroying at times.

I'm a newbie here but personally speaking, I feel that anyone who has experience of OLD would have valuable input, without needing to feel like an intruder or such. :)

I hovered around on here between Nov-early Jan whist seeing one man. It helped as a voice at the back of my head was telling me that something was wrong. Easy to pick OLD back up. I don't think there's a door on these threads so easy to pop in and out

Lettuce weldone escaping weirdo.

Pringle you sound like you know what you want and are ready to hunt in RL. May be better than fishing online. Please say how it goes.

Had my date last night with mrchef ... Really nice evening, made me laugh and a gentleman ... Undecided if there was enough spark ... But we are going out again ... Can a spark grow? There was definitely something just not wow which I had with mrmountainbike!

Hi everyone
I wonder if you can help me out I would like your honest opinion what should i do .
i dated this man for 6 weeks we had an amazing time together but he dumped me . The reason why he dumped me was he knew my baby's dad not as great friends but to say hello . Anyway I have also thought I would bump into him but we haven't an we don't live that far from each other either. Anyway I have always had that thought in my mind I wonder how he is !!!
So the other week I couldn't get on my fb messenger so I had to download it again . When I opened it I had a random message of this man . Now I no it's a 100% him but it was a different name an all it was was an emoji.
Now Valentine's Day is coming up could I sent him a secret admirer card with my number in it or post a note in his door as I was just passing . What do you think !!!

remember
Mr Intellectual and i have agreed to be "exclusive"

Wingletang1 I think spark can grow on second date. To know that you both want to meet up again should put you in a better mood / relaxed and if there is attraction it will be obvious, or not :-)

Beautyanthebeast0151 usually to go back to someone who ended it with you can only lead to f.w.b. scenario, where one person accept it (but secretly wanted more) and the other calls the shots (and keeps it hush hush)

but hey, for old good time sake why not

by the way
you can all tell me to sod off ! I am aware that I am more and more a cynical old cow

[need a shag]

HI everyone

I was on one of the first few dating threads a few years ago and now soon to be back on the dating scene so hoping I can join you guys.