Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Update - Mr Art has said he has a wall up re kissing but it is coming down, he has asked me if I can be patient with him. Says he has been focussed on his art last ten months and out of practice.
I have said yes I will be patient but also hoped he would let me know if he wasn't interested, he says he is. I'm wondering if there are ex issues.
And, no messages from him since this conversation, normally there would be, so I think that might be it.
Bah

Andrea there is a post a little further down with a fantastic explanation of the different dating sites...and their links to food!

Andrea - Bant posted this some pages back - it is quite helpful when describing the different sites.

Pof is the biggest one, covering more areas, and also it's free. But there is a lot of crap in there. It's the McDonald's of dating.

There's OKC, for people with a certain taste (generally more polyamorous, fetishy types). Also free. This is nandos

Match is your gourmet burger bar. Large coverage but you've got to pay. Less likely to get an unexpected gherkin, but there are still some.

You have your niche sites, singlesdating, seacaptaindating. Catering to small markets, fewer profiles, but if there's traffic in the area where you are, you can be successful. This is little chef.

And tinder, which offers quick, simple satisfaction but tends to leave you with an unpleasant aftertaste, and possibly an STI. This is your late night burger caravan.

Then there's elitesingles, guardian soulmates etc. Only good in large cities, costs money but promises to give you what you want. This is your farmers market deli. But it's very rarely open for business.

My Mr Intellectual is en route to his home and when he arrived at his stop over he immediately messaged me and we chatted until his next flight. He has one more stop over later this evening and will contact me then too.

This is sounding quite serious...but utterly ridiculous given where he actually lives. But he does have the means to travel as often as he wants - but not necessarily the time.

I should have bailed out of this one as soon as I realised he wasn't local...its going to be tricky. But then I have never been conventional...

Probably depends which area you live in and what you're looking for really. Even if I don't have much luck with it, I tend to go for POF as it's free and the best in my area.

I am not against paying but I subscribed to Match ages ago and never had any better luck.

Remember, I think it depends what you are looking for and what sort of person you are. If your happy to be in a relationship with someone who travels a lot and you can cope with the not seeing him for months then why not? If your the sort of person who has their life sorted and you enjoy doing your own thing then it could work? Like you I am questioning how me and mr Mod would work if we continue to see each other, he lives quite far away and seems to have ideas of what he wants for the future, this includes me moving to his area, he seems to have thought about this without thinking about what I might want in the future. I love where I live and I hate where he lives ( he lives in a city, I live in the middle of nowhere), my dc's go to school here and their dad is near by. I know I need to stop overthinking and just relax and see where things go ( he could vanish or turn out to be crazy like most of my POF dates) .

Buzz, Mr Art sounds a bit odd, it was a kiss not mooseburger, surely someone knows quite early on if they are attracted to someone enough to kiss them? And surely most men like a snog at the end of a date?

Wiggle, good luck on your date, I always invest too early and am then disappointed if we don't hit it off when we meet, I try not to get my hopes up anymore.

I've had dates from tinder pof and match

LoveMusic -I agree. One step at a time. It is very easy to get caught up in the moment and start making plans that make little sense. In my case i am happy to wait for him to come back the next time (in the Summer) and go from there. He wants me to keep dating - but I don't think that is fair.

Remember does he want you to date so he can date too?

On the successful sites...Mr date2 was POF and Mr date1 Elitesingles. I chose Mr date2 as felt a real spark, didn’t put me off that he was on POF.

Hi. Wondered if I could ask your perspective on something, oh wise ones. I had Date 3 with Mr G on Friday night, after which we had sex. It was a bit of a disaster, as it was drunken sex with my period in full flow. Mostly I want to die of embarrassment when I think of it , as it was messy Not like me to do the deed so early on in a relationship, but what's done is done. And it was the first sex I've had since my nearly 20 year marriage broke down 4 years ago!
He stayed over and next morning we went for a walk. It wasn't particularly awkward and quite nice on the whole, but I kept thinking to myself that it didn't feel right, and that he wasn't the one for me.
Ever since then however, I can't stop thinking about him. We have texted, but mostly it has been jokey banter (not related to the sex). I'd be really disappointed if I never saw him again.
A counsellor would probably tell me that I have an issue with endings, but I don't quite understand the conflicting emotions going on inside of me. How can it be normal to look at him one day and inwardly think 'nah', and then spend the rest of the time chastising myself for being so unfair, and wanting to see him again?
Is this normal, and can anyone relate? Please answer … thanks!

I'd quite happily pay for elitesingles or something else but I think my area puts me off, if I was in a city I would do that.

Does nobody think that all these people being in the same place at once gives people a false sense of what they can achieve?

If you were in a car garage that dealt from hatchback to supercar, most people would test drive the supercars given the choice of everything. Hence why is any woman going to message even a Jaguar if she has access to Ferrari instead.

Granted some have a sense of reality but I'm just thinking out loud here.

Dieu, do you have anything else going on with messaging anyone else? If someone 'better' came along tonight would you drop this guy instantly or not?

Very good question, and I honestly don't know. I tend not have have my fingers in too many pies at once, so to speak. I am fairly inexperienced at all of this, so don't really have much to compare him to.
I don't think I would drop him though, out of curiosity, to see if anything could come of us. I think a big 'what if' would always be there.

Info Elite singles hasn't particularly proved useful for me despite living on the outskirts of a city with another a commutable distance away. I keep being matched with men in Wales and Ireland. It's not really set to search, you have to wait for matches.

The car comparison is interesting. I'm happy with a reliable Toyota car with useful gadgets, rather than a more expensive car. My exH liked flashy top of the range BMWs and was selfish so I maybe biased!

Ah well skip elite then. I wouldn't go to Match again. Even though I paid, I had an incredible amount of very attractive policewomen from London messaging me and wanting me to take it to email. Funny that innit.

I had fancied eHarmony but a friend told me they had paid a lot of money into something to do with opposing same sex relationships. They're big supporters against that apparently and I paying anything into bigoted organisations.

I have had good luck with Bumble - good if you are looking for something easy to use and supposedly designed to give women the upper hand.

Lilac - no, he doesn't want to date anyone else and closed his Bumble account in front of me. but he didn't want to stop me because of the distance thing. He sounds like a keeper, doesn't he?

Dieu - it sounds like you weren't quite ready for the sex bit. Just pull back a little bit and see if you can form a closer bond before moving back to a sexual relationship. This bit be a good test of his commitment to you as well.

Oh the attractive policewoman (mine were generally from glasgow, weirdly)

I had lots of fun with those. Scammerbaiting.

I mean, I know I wasted several valuable hours of some bloke in a warehouse in Nairobi, getting all excited that this gullible British bloke was chatting to him and so close to sending my credit card details.. But never quite doing it.

That was lots of fun.

Yeah, match has lots of scammers

I get a lot of lovelies from Glasgow wanting to 'meet me' on POF. All genuine for sure :)

Never even heard of Bumble!!!

Dieu, if you don't feel a connection with him (in the way you feel you should) then might be best to walk away. I think I'm a bit like you and I struggle with endings. I have gone ahead and had sex with people that I'm not really that into, it always makes things tricky. Give yourself time to think about what you want, if your really not that into him then keep chatting to others online .

I have had no luck with other online dating sites, even more so the ones where you have to pay, I get loads of messages on POF.

Info, regarding the car thing, I wouldn't test drive the super car (although it's the fun option), some would go for the sensible option and go for a reliable family car or hatchback? With online dating I don't look at the Ferrari's, they may look good but not practical at all, I also wouldn't go for a Ford Focus ( boring and a bit too standard, not pleasing to the eye ) some where in between the 2 is good x

I just joined Bumble. A lot of people I see from POF etc are on there. I like this format, women have to message men. I may never get any messages but I like the fact it takes the heat off me to do that and like the others, you have to be in it to win it.

Speaking as someone who knew their last date was going nowhere when she saw a shiny BMW pulling into the car park and thought "Oh it's not...?" Fuck, it is.....

I would never message a Ferrari. I'm assuming the human equivalent would be some male model, or something. What would I have in common with them?!

I'm after, well, ideally a living vehicle that the owner has kitted out themselves. Or failing that, a scruffy van full of interesting stuff....

I thought bumble was rubbish...I sent quite a few messages and literally got a couple of messages in response

I wouldn't message a Ferrari because I know they're out of my league...but at the same time I won't settle for a clapped out ford escort!

Clapped out ford fiesta I know exactly what you mean 😂