Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

Footgolf sounds awful. I'd respond and say googled it, sounds shit.

For numbers, I've messaged 17 people this year. Perhaps I'm not playing the numbers game well enough. I'm really thinking the area I live just isn't lending itself to online dating very well :(

I'm a man, stubborn. We're expected to make the first move. Lots of other men make the first move too, and I'm really picky who I message, so the ones I message will also get lots of other messages too.

I never send a how r u.

It's actually more like one in eight on average, now I look at it

I've never sent a hey or a how are you, not even just to see how it goes. It's just not me.

I can see why people do it though. If I say hey and you reply, that means it's worth making the effort to type out a decent message.

Saw a lovely lass just before. Great profile, lovely pics, everything great. Sent her a good message. She viewed me right after aaaaaaaaand no reply.

Just messaged a couple more. Numbers game.

No info'if you message and say hi, that means you're yet another of the dozens of men who've sent exactly the same message. Some attractive, some not. All with no imagination.

I get some interesting messages from women, but generally from the less attractive ones. But I get mostly 'hey' and 'how r u'

Even if she's attractive, the 'how r u' puts me off straightaway,

if they do come and look at you but don't reply you can always try one more message asking what they particularly disliked, or not your cup of tea i guess, or anything light hearted and self deprecating but make sure there is not an hint of bitterness or disappointment
I get those sometime and, sometime, at that point I reply :-)

Oh yes, that's another thing, info.

One more follow up message seems to be the acceptable rule. No more than that. And no angry ones, or sad ones.

I've never done a second message yet ever. Always figured if they didn't want the first one they sure wouldn't want a second!!

well it's not that weird, it's like trying to catch someone's eye a second time.

Some women will get annoyed, but to be honest, sod them. If you haven't done anything wrong, haven't said anything offensive, and aren't pestering (three times is pestering, or twice if they've said no the first time) then all you're trying to do is show you're actually interested, not spamming.

If they don't reply to the second message then definitely move on.

But some women like a little (not too much) persistence, or just didn't notice you the first time.

It's worth it. I've got dates from second messages. I saw someone for a few months after a second message.

That Google comment would have been enough for me to stop talking to that guy...like you're starting a conversation and he effectively doused it. If he didn't want to talk about it it shouldn't be on his profile and that would have got my back up.

I send messages to blokes and never get a response. Try to find something interesting to say about their profiles, spend ages crafting a message and never get an answer. I've not yet had a successful conversation with someone where I messaged first.

If you do send a follow up, only send one. There was one bloke who sent me about 10 "hi sexy" messages. Not only was he about 10p miles away, he was 11 years younger and his picture was the most ridiculous sexy pout, shirt off on the bed picture I've ever seen. I really didn't want a conversation with this one so I blocked him without responding, and he messaged me again from another account but this time as a paid member so he could see if I'd read his email.

Don't be that guy!

Lotsof that sounds like cyber-stalking. I wonder if you were his target or he lined up many potential dates in his mind and became obsessed? It's creepy!

I am in the minority then as I would read most messages as lighthearted. I did have a misunderstanding with one date when we were talking about him cooking for me and I said he must have sour cream (with chilli) it followed a joke he'd started about being a perfectionist, but he took it seriously. Next date even complained. I ended it as he seemed to have passive agressive issues under the surface.

Spoke with date 2 for 3 hours last night and still could have talked for longer. Not had that before, we're arranging date 2 soon. Hoping this is real as I've told date1 I'm keen on someone else and if I'm ghosted now will be gutted.

lilac - fingers crossed that your date is for real.

Just had coffee date with nice guy. He wanted to arranged a second date there and then but I said I needed to check my diary. I wouldn't mind seeing him again but I think he's more of a friend type person more than someone I'd want to call my date.

Plus my date from last week has just texted. I heard from him a couple of times after we met then nothing. Almost deleted his number. He says he had phone problems & needed to get a new one. Not sure if I believe him but he's asked for a second date, so I've said yes.

, Mr MOD messaged me when he got home yesterday, said he had a great time then went quite, I messaged him at 9pm asking if he had fell asleep and he sent back a message saying he was going to bed and said goodnight I just wrote back 'ok'. He then messaged me on messenger this morning but I was busy at the gym, I messaged when I got out but haven't had a reply. He seems to have backed of with the messaging a bit. I think I'm probably over thinking things due to past expereances but just going to play things cool and be prepared that he might vanish.

I'm complaining about getting no dates and it sounds like getting dates is the easy bit, all the next bit sounds like the hard bit!!

But some women like a little (not too much) persistence, or just didn't notice you the first time.

nah... is not that - at least not in my case - I get lots of first msg I tend to ignore most of them as soooo many profile disappear within hours or days - so I have learnt to cut down my input

but than if a second message makes me smile or shows a positive (even in face of a potential rejection) I value that

pestering is different

ladies I have lost truck of your adventures will try to catch up
(I had a truly horrendous week, feel battered but the sun today is helping my mood enormously and my friends have been great too)
Not been on line though. I had to cancel my friday date, apparently I had done it before to him and he was not impressed. NC thereafter

truck? track !
I'm also loosing my marbles obviously

Just arranged a second date with mine from the other day. Really like this one, just got to hope I don't get over invested!

Agreed inthemood - that's persistence. One follow up message is generally fine, I don't think many people would complain about that. A third message is pestering.

It's like
'hi!'
'Hi again, I'm real and possibly interested you'
'Hi again. I have no ability to get the message, answer me!'

So I never message someone more than twice, as I don't want to be 'that guy'

I think I have a date.. Not set yet though. Funny, attractive, similar job to mine. Separated with kids slightly younger than mine.

I'll keep you updated

Follow up message only permitted if they don't view, right? If they view you and don't reply that means they don't require a second I'd say.

Bant that sounds ace with the date, sounds like she's up your strasse.

info its not an absolute rule, I would say send a second one if they view you AND you are inspired to say something funny. If its Hi.... oh Hi again, don't bother :-)

What I was trying to say was I did reply and carried on talking to a few that after being ignored
(on top of my head) guy mentions love Panda Bear in their profile
hi
i will look, no reply
oh I see, must have been my love of Panda Bear to make you run

see what I mean ?

LotsoNumbers good news!
and same to lilac finger crossed we haven't jinxed Mr Two

Right gotcha, yep that's a good tactic. I could use the Rubik's cube for that example.

Which are good dating sites to go on to?

Have my first date tonight with mrchef I have over invested again!!! Ggrrrr when will I learn ... To be fair so has he ...as we chat all the time and he's told his kids about me. I am his first internet date so no pressure!! Looking forward to it just hope there's a flipping spark!!