Dating thread no 112, still searching for a valentine.....

[Lovemusic33]

Hope it's ok for me to start a new thread as the other is full, I have copied and pasted the rules.

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. *edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

No, not at all. You got a reply. If she didn't want to reply, she wouldn't have done. The door is open a tiny bit for a follow up.

If there is a tiny bit of conversation, then there is the chance to move it forward with some witty comment, or some expansion on what your first message said.

People generally aren't polite on OD. They don't send thank yous to compliments, they just ignore, delete, forget.

If I replied back to every woman messaging me to tell me they liked my beard, well.. That would be over five messages I'd have to write. And then they'd reply back to me, and I'd have to break it to them that I didn't fancy them.

In almost all cases, a woman only replies finds you attractive. Sometimes they'll reply and say 'thanks but no thanks' - but this wasn't that.

She's saying 'OK, try a bit harder to amuse/entertain/impress me'

Probably, anyway.

Follow up

(I expect an invitation to the wedding by the way)

Info I've replied with a "thanks it took me ages to photoshop them". As a joke when I've had "nice photos" type messages from men I'm interested in. (I don't PS or pout btw just 3 clear images).

It is an opener to see the humour that comes back. I'd take "thank you" as just that and say more.

I was writing to a very attractive man whom matched my criteria, but he'd write things like "just been asleep for an hour" to me. Conversations can be dull hard sometimes. The interesting conversations are a real draw, above photos.

I've decided to write to date 1 again. He wrote some very thoughtful things when I explained my doubts and judging someone on one date is tough.

I personally hate closed end responses like that. I give it a few goes but if they are all like that, no questions or open replies I'm out. It shouldn't feel like pulling teeth to have a conversation with someone!

Conversations don't always flow smoothly in RL.

Are you asking open questions, such as, "I like 'X' film genres, which ones do you enjoy the most?" Or, "Where would you most like to travel?"

Info - I would still reply to a message like that. She may just be being polite but you won't know unless you try again. If I keep getting closed messages like that or no response then I move on. Just like you would in real life

Info, I think if someone lives an hour away they can still make themselves available during the week if they are really into you, I know it's hard sometimes when people have kids. I saw my guy on Thursday as he had a day off work and he's coming over tonight as he has tomorrow off, I guess it's harder sometimes for women to find time and distance can make it a little tricky. I'm happy just seeing someone once a week (or just for the weekend ) as I quite like my own space during the week, I don't really want someone who's going to go to the gym with me (it's something I enjoy doing on my own).
As for the message you got back saying 'thank you', maybe site back 'your welcome, would you like to chat? Etc.....'? I do find it a bit hard when people write back saying 'thanks'. I wrote a message to a guy a few weeks ago commenting on his art work which he had photos off on his profile and he just wrote back saying 'thanks', I didn't reply back.

Remember, sounds like a good date , I hope it continues xx

remember sounds like you had a good time!

My date went pretty well, he wasn't put off by my awkwardness and there's a second date on the cards so will see where this leads!

Online dating fraud victim numbers at record high
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-38678089

Not wanting to out myself but I work in this sector. Fraud in its entirety is up, people are getting better at exploiting vulnerable people. It's not just centred around dating but OLD gives it a whole new angle.

It's alarming seeing the amount (and broad spectrum of walks of life) of people being conned.

info I had a "conversation" with someone like that...I asked open questions etc but eventually I gave up as it was hard work...

Had a date last week with a woman I was chatting to for a few weeks, was trying not to get OI as I prefer meeting up sooner rather than later.
Date went well but she didn't look like her photos, two of which I found out were at least 4/5 years old...and she has changed a bit since then!!
Had a think about her for a few days and then decided that she wasn't the right one for me.
It is definitely a numbers game....

My coffee date this morning stood me up. Bit weird. We agreed to meet in a coffee place by the food court of a shopping centre. As I'm waiting a guy wanders past who looked a little like my date but on a really bad day. Very scruffy trackie bottoms, shoelaces undone. He looks at me but keeps walking. Wanders around the food court then out again and goes to speak to a stallholder. Then wanders past again and buys a drink, talks to the staff at a couple of the stands as he obviously knows them. Then wanders past me again. I got the impression he was checking me out.
Couple of minutes later I get a text saying he had only just got up so wouldn't make it on time. Not entirely convinced that was him but if it was then I had a lucky escape.
Another coffee date lined up for tomorrow morning.

Honestly Runnny - it goes from the weird to the ridiculous doesn't it? Is your coffee date tomorrow re-arranged from today, or someone new?

I have three new irons (any old iron!! ) cross fingers

I had my date last night, it went well, we had fun but I decided today I didn't want to see him again.
I think in the moment I got carried away because we had a fun night, chat was easy and there was a fair bit of laughing. But I don't think I fancied him that much, I was on the fence really

I'd normally see someone a second date in this situation, but I'm really busy this week and already out a few other nights, and as i have other irons I can't actually spare another night out on a "maybe/probably not" it was weird, because I liked his face, I definately felt attracted to his face so while we were chatting I was thinking, yes I do fancy you.... But then he'd get up to go to the bar and I didn't like the back of him, especially the back of his head.. he had a thick neck and the back of his head was unattractive

I'm also swinging back and forth on a third date Wednesday night with someone I know is a complete idiot but I really fancy him!

I'm going back and forth on an hourly basis, nope, I won't go, it's not going anywhere, he's unavailable, not my type, it's cold out and I cba to waste an evening on another date with this man....but wait, we had really good dates 1 and 2, he's really hot, and the best kisser and a bit of fun when I have no expectations won't hurt right??? Ffs I need a slap with a wet fish. It's no wonder I'm single

2nd long date with Mr MOD, kind of feels like we have to fit so much in due to the distance and wok commitments, all went really well, he stayed over last night and then we spent all day together, he seems really nice but one thing bugged me a bit and I have had this in the past with other ex army dates, he seems to still be living the army, he talks about it a lot and i know it's a huge part of his life but some of his stories were quite detailed, although I find his stories really interesting (like watching a good war film), I kind of felt I didn't have much time to talk about me, I am hoping it's just nerves and him just trying to tell me about his past and hopefully he will calm down a little and let me get a word in. I won't be seeing him now until the weekend which is quite good, gives me time to think about things and how I feel.

Sounds like there have been some good dates going on and some downright lucky escapes...Runny!

I have spent an entire day with my Mr Intellectual today. From 8.30am till 4.30pm when he had to leave for the airport. :(

he won't be back until June/July. But is going to try and see if he can get back before then possibly.

We are so compatible (in all ways...) and this feels like something good. So wish we had more time to really find out. But we have spent hours in each other's company all weekend and been chatting online when not together. And then he leaves...

I wonder how this will pan out - but intrigued to discover.

Anyone else had a (very) long distance relationship...we are talking a 24 hour flight!

Remember, it's a tough one and I think it depends how much you like each other, I personally could not do it, I would probably stay in touch but continue to date other men, if your still single when he returns then hook up again and see how things go.

Sounds like you're all having some good dates.

RunnyMummy that's mad isn't it, if that was him then what was he playing at?!

I've still had no replies.

remember - that's so sad that you won't see him for so long.
last why is your possible third date an idiot if you fancy him so much?

I found a guy on POF I liked the look of and decided to message him. We have lots in common but his profile mentioned a sport I hadn't heard of. So I asked him to explain. He's just replied with "Google will give all the answers you need". I think that means get lost, don't message me again. But why bother replying to me. Trying to think of a witty reply to send back.

Runnny I'd take that as humour that the internet has everything, then look it up and write an "aha I see it needs a 'X'" and see what comes back.

Thanks Lilac I'll try that.
In case anyone's wondering it's footgolf - I thought it was a spelling mistake at first but it is a real sport.

Info - how many mails have you sent?

It generally takes me ten first messages or so to get a response. Varying depending on the OD site, or random chance. Sometimes I'll get three replies in a row, sometimes none after 30 first mails.

The depressing thing is that most of the responses are incredibly dull. But, you follow up in the hopes they're actually interesting and funny. Often they're not. Sometimes they are. It's rare though.

Then you carry on, more messages, see if they're actually nice (if you can find that out) and then arrange a date fairly quickly if you can.

It takes time and effort. Lots of it.

And women think they have the harder time of it :)

Runnny - I'd reply with 'okay, I'll chat to google instead then. Thanks'

God I don't know bant, I reckon I'm having a hard time at the moment! 5 messages sent (proper ones, not just "Hi sexy how r u"!), 3 ignored, one polite rebuffal, one responded and we're meeting on Saturday .

I was devastated after all these blokes didn't get back to me though .

So you have stretches of 30 messages and no answer?! How do you not go mad?!

Do other women send loads of messages that don't go answered? If I were to get a polite, interesting message, I would always respond and just enjoy chatting anyway, notwithstanding the possible outcome.

I mean, I do get sent more messages, but mostly the "How r u"? ones.

Gosh remember that's tough, I was going to suggest visiting him for a lovely short break, but then I saw how far away he's going (presumably the Antipoods ). Will he be back for a while when he comes back?

stubborn - I have the same problem. Send loads of messages and get very little response. The guys I'm chatting with now are ones that messaged me first.
I don't respond to "hiya sexy" messages but anything reasonable I will reply to - you never know. My coffee date tomorrow I wouldn't have considered but he sent a lovely first message.
I've even messaged guys who have swiped "meet me" and got nothing. So why swipe right?