Why does he all of a sudden need his privacy

[Hecticlifeanddrowning8]

My OH and I have been together for 4 years with 2 DC together. We are going through a rough patch ATM , our youngest child has recently been diagnosed. With a chromosome deletion and we are struggling (not knowing what his future holds)
Along side this we have huge financial problems that are quite recent due to me not being able to work until we have a more stable diagnosis for our ds . We have no real family to speak of (both sets of parents have passed away) so we literally never have any time together.
Anyway we have 2 joint accounts 1 that we pay bills and buy shopping from that we both have access too, and one that he controls (child benefit goes into this one ) today I asked to have a look at the one he controls just to clock up how much petrol is costing us, and he became cagey 😕, said he would read it out to me etc but that he didn't want me to look at it as 'he deserves some privacy' ....but it's a joint account! He became very angry very quickly stormed out and went to the bank and took himself off the account and surrendered his card! . I mean wtf ! I have no access to the account that the child benefit goes into , and now neither does he .
I have asked him what he is hiding and he is just getting angry . Saying I deserve some privacy 😥It's really out of character for him, but I can't just let it go. as he has said he does not want me to know what he spends his money on.

He clearly has a problem. £500 on itunes in such a short space of time is not reasonable decision-making. At some level he knows this, hence the secrecy and blaming you/saying you need to leave. He's been and is being vile to you, OP.

However, problem or not, you don't have to put up with it. You'd always be anticipating the next lie, the next bolt out of the blue. I don't, for one minute, think it'll be easy but neither is living with someone who does this.

so he HAS got an addiction!

Fucking bastard

So you're struggling to get into town because of the fare and he's spending like money is going out of fashion?

Cuntbadger.

He sounds like something of a loose cannon, be careful don't let him sabotage your life

Maybe deep down he is ashamed of himself but so much money spent on 'me-time' is excessive. Doesn't he ever think you too are sometimes overwhelmed and would like some form of escapism?

Whats he spent £500 on from iTunes?

Whata It'll be in game purchases.

OP what do you feel you want to do now? He clearly has got a major problem, and he knows it, otherwise his reaction would not have been so over the top.

Do you feel you can sit down with him and have a really honest conversation about what happens now? It really sounds like he's been sucked into a bit of an addiction.

Seems like he's hiding something

I think so many people are so harsh without thinking this man may actually have an addiction that he is struggling with.

Sounds like everything between you two has been fine up to now so it's probably something you can overcome together if he is willing to admit fault and that he has a problem.

If he feels like you pushed him to playing games etc maybe you could both benefit from reading a book called the 5 languages of love and help each other build of appreciation of each other. X

pringle do you actually understand addiction? To even suggest OP could have "pushed" him into it is disgusting.

OP I'm so sorry you say his reaction has been bad- have you worked out a new plan for the CB? Has he calmed down enough to talk about it yet?

He's closed the account? That the child benefit gets paid into.
And you went to soft play? Instead of staying at home and phoning the bank?
Really?
This is all rubbish. This doesn't add up.

First thing first, ring child benefit and get that paid into a separate/ new account.

Scarydinosaurs no he has said that not me!

You based your post on it Pringle and it's embarrassing bullshit.

Not at all, a lot of people end up with addiction through what in their mind is loneliness. People feel lonely because they don't understand how different people effectively show affection and how to show it in way other people receive it. Therefore reading a good book that gives them both an insight on effectively communicating and showing one another they care can help ALOT

Sounds like an addiction to spending - my other half is like this :( He used to (not as bad anymore as we don't physically have the money) He spends money to make himself feel better, and then end up feeling guilty and even worse. I'd move the child benefit to a different account, and have a sit down chat about it.

I have moved the child benefit into another account and won't be having a joint account again. He has been very apologetic about his reaction on Friday, and has said he didn't know how to stop it (spending ) then stoppped looking at the account all together which racked up some charges in unarranged overdraft. All in all I think he is depressed 😔. The only thing that worrys me now is that he has arranged for his wages to go into my (now sole) account too , and has declares he wants nothing to do with money and only needs £40 a month for essentials!! I basically said he needs to grow up , and be an adult. I would find it very strange having control over his wages and giving out 'pocket money ' .

What a load of rubbish. Go to the bank, get a statement and see what's been going on.
No one gets angry unless there is something bigger to hide.
You will need to sort it asap because of the family allowance anyway.

Oh no not depression. So he's stopped growling and biting and now he's rolled over and is playing baby. You are so dead right not to fall for that OP.

It's not his account or his money. I think you should be pragmatic and straightforward about this. Don't bother asking him about it, because you will get the same defensive avoidant reaction.
Find out what you're dealing with first by gaining access to the account and see what's going on.

I think calling someone who believes they are suffering from depression 'a baby' is completely out of order (until proved otherwise). I think it is entirely possible he is depressed. This 'distraction' behaviour (hyper-focus on a game or IT app. Is extremely common behaviour from people with depression. These applications are completely engrossing and take up all your 'thought' time therefore removing (and alleviating) your worries for a while.. in this case at a huge price. If I were you I would encourage a visit to the GP to discuss treatment for depression before automatically assuming he is swinging the lead..

I agree with above

The baby comment is unrelated to his claim to be depressed. It relates to him saying he's never going to deal with money again except for the pocket money he wants OP/mummy to give him. I have no idea how you made that leap.

pringle read your post. "Pushed" was your word, it is literally what you said.

OP at least the biting has stopped.

Can you go together to see a GP/CAB/financial advisor?