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Original poster

Why does he all of a sudden need his privacy

160 replies

Hecticlifeanddrowning8 · 13/01/2017 18:55

My OH and I have been together for 4 years with 2 DC together. We are going through a rough patch ATM , our youngest child has recently been diagnosed. With a chromosome deletion and we are struggling (not knowing what his future holds)
Along side this we have huge financial problems that are quite recent due to me not being able to work until we have a more stable diagnosis for our ds . We have no real family to speak of (both sets of parents have passed away) so we literally never have any time together.
Anyway we have 2 joint accounts 1 that we pay bills and buy shopping from that we both have access too, and one that he controls (child benefit goes into this one ) today I asked to have a look at the one he controls just to clock up how much petrol is costing us, and he became cagey 😕, said he would read it out to me etc but that he didn't want me to look at it as 'he deserves some privacy' ....but it's a joint account! He became very angry very quickly stormed out and went to the bank and took himself off the account and surrendered his card! . I mean wtf ! I have no access to the account that the child benefit goes into , and now neither does he .
I have asked him what he is hiding and he is just getting angry . Saying I deserve some privacy 😥It's really out of character for him, but I can't just let it go. as he has said he does not want me to know what he spends his money on.

OP posts:
myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 07:53

Muppet

myoriginal3 · 14/01/2017 07:53

Him, not you!

ScruffyTheJanitor · 14/01/2017 07:54

If it was a joint accpou t then surely both parties would have to be present to simply close it.

Where did residule money go if he's closed it?

If its a joint, does he have another account in just his name? Why not use that if he was playing a silly game?

Where do his wages go into?

Above all else.
If you are going to sleep at 10 because you're knackered, he should maybe help a bit more instead of wasting money on a game, unless he does his equal share already? (Which I doubt)

Doe0 · 14/01/2017 07:54

You can still get a bank statement on a closed account if you go into the branch. I personally rather have what he is saying backed up. He could be lying.

ineedmorelemonpledge · 14/01/2017 07:56

It's your fault for crashing on the sofa at 10pm???

What's he doing all evening until 10pm then?

What a manchild response, blaming you for his failings.

I'd still ask for statements, as I'd still think the blame game and excuse was bullshit frankly. And if there was money left in it to close it where is it now?

And what about the child benefit, did he rearrange it to come to the other account, or will it just bounce back leaving you even shorter for cash because of his pride and stupidity?

I'm sorry op but blaming you...he sounds like a prize nob.

Imfree · 14/01/2017 07:56

It could well be he has emptied it/transferred the money.

Ledkr · 14/01/2017 08:04

If it's a joint account then surely you are still entitled to see it, in fact isn't it now your account if he's taken his name off it?

PotteringAlong · 14/01/2017 08:07

So if he's closed it then where has the money out of it gone? Where will the child benefit etc be paid into?

educationforlife · 14/01/2017 08:38

There will be a branch of your bank open today. You need to get straight down to it.

ImperialBlether · 14/01/2017 10:57

I would still want to look at the account and see for myself where the money had gone to.

loveyoutothemoon · 14/01/2017 10:59

Have you been to the bank yet?

Wheelycote · 14/01/2017 11:19

Hmmmm if it's a joint account....don't u need both people to close it. I'd be surprised if bank allowed one of the co accountees to close it without the other.

He's deflecting again by saying its your fault that u crash. He's a grown man responsible for managing his own happiness and boredom. Definitely deflecting

Please go check the account for yourself

kittybiscuits · 14/01/2017 11:21

He's lying.

WombattingFree · 14/01/2017 11:24

You need both parties to sign a letter to close the account. He's lying to you again, and It doesn't sound like he's playing a game with it...

jelliebelly · 14/01/2017 11:30

If it's a joint account go into the bank with ID and they will be able to give you all the details. You don't need both parties to close the account, in the same way that you don't need both parties to sign cheques etc - you sign at the outset saying either can do anything.

jelliebelly · 14/01/2017 11:32

Presumably he's spent everything in it, get the child allowance paid into the other account asap

Thinkingofausername1 · 14/01/2017 11:33

Hi op any diagnosis is particularly life changing for anyone. I'm not excusing his behaviour but men, don't know how to deal with illness very well sometimes. Is the deletion your child has been diagnosed with 22q deletion?? I think you should take every one else advise regarding the bank.

Offred · 14/01/2017 11:43

Eh? He needs privacy? From the other account holder on a joint account?

If it was about him feeling he needed privacy then he would have kept his own single account.

No, he has done something he thinks you won't like and has made up the first thing that came into his head when you said you wanted to look at the account.

Go to the bank, get statements, if he hasn't closed the account get a card for it and online banking and consider taking half of the balance to put in a new account in your name only and have the child benefit payments moved to that account too.

There is no way he should be getting the child benefit into an account that only he uses when you have had to give up work to care for your youngest.

Offred · 14/01/2017 11:45

Oh and while you are doing all this do not tell him about it at all and play like you have completely swallowed his shit.

happypoobum · 14/01/2017 11:54

He is lying.

He would not be able to close the account, or to take his name off it without BOTH your signatures. Could he have forged your signature?

You need to go to the bank with ID.

I suspect you will be very unhappy with what you find Flowers

Imfree · 14/01/2017 11:56

Maybe it depends which bank. I literally did this last week with HSBC. Tried to get my name off and they wouldn't let me. Ex and I both had to write and sign to close it.

Clutterbugsmum · 14/01/2017 12:11

So instead of helping you and family out he has stolen the family money for his own pleasure.

You need to take control of all the bank accounts from him as he can not be trusted not to steal from his children.

Blushingm · 14/01/2017 12:15

I tried to close a joint account and I wasn't allowed (by the bank) nor would the let me remove my name

I'd be surprised if what he said about surrendering the card etc is true - sorry

Blushingm · 14/01/2017 12:16

You could ring up as your details should be able pass security

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/01/2017 12:21

he isn't a child and I wouldn't dream of telling him how to spend money .the first thing he said was that it is my fault he has spent it as he is bored as I usually crash out by 10 on the sofa (I do I'm exhausted 😔)

I am sorry, you're having a tough time already, now this.
How is his attitude towards you and general mood today?