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Original poster

Does the amount of fathers really matter?

515 replies

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 10:34

Hi I'm a mum of four aged 10 to 2. I'm single and dating when I get time. My children are to 3 different fathers although my ex husband took the 2 on I already had when we met and is a good dad to all of them.
However I worry I'm going to be judged if I get serious with someone and tell them about the different fathers. I won't lie or pretend to be something I'm not but how do I get past the judgement?

OP posts:
BumDNC · 14/01/2017 19:00

Was it worth losing your marriage and family over?

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 19:01

I haven't lost my family bum

OP posts:
BumDNC · 14/01/2017 19:04

The family unit.

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 19:05

Probably not but what's done is done

OP posts:
Carnabyqueen · 14/01/2017 19:06

Busy, you sound like a fool. You've deprived your 4 children of a loving father because you wanted a 5th child! OMG! So you're looking now for a well off sperm donor to fulfil your wants? How utterly selfish and very stupid.
I feel sorry for any man who takes you on.

Carnabyqueen · 14/01/2017 19:08

Yes, what's done is done. What a sad mess for your ex husband and children.

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 19:12

As I say it wasn't the only reason we split

OP posts:
Carnabyqueen · 14/01/2017 19:14

Sounds like it was the deal breaker though. Poor man. Who in their right mind wants to try for a 5th child when their 4th is only a few months old.

Think about it OP.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 14/01/2017 19:16

You split up because you wanted a fifth kid?

Blimey.

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 19:17

As I say that wasn't the only issue. I know I've been stupid

OP posts:
birdybirdywoofwoof · 14/01/2017 19:20

It wasn't enough for him to support four kids, two not his own? You wanted him to support five?
Wow.

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 19:23

I've already said I've been stupid

OP posts:
BumDNC · 14/01/2017 19:24

So no going back? Maybe it's not too late

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 19:26

My ex is with someone else. I don't know how he feels about her really although we do talk he rarely mentions her

OP posts:
birdybirdywoofwoof · 14/01/2017 19:31

Well, you're in a great position to get what you want, op.

You can have DC 5 and 6 with next guy, and your ex can continue to support you all.

Carnabyqueen · 14/01/2017 19:32

Your ex would be mad to go back. Let's face it. Nothing has changed. You still want more kids and he wants a vasectomy.

Pluto30 · 14/01/2017 19:36

Didn't you say he has a new partner? Confused

Bit shit of him to "want to go back to you" if he has a new girlfriend.

Pluto30 · 14/01/2017 19:36

Just read your last post, OP. Ignore.

NoToast · 14/01/2017 20:15

Ouch, OP. I think the price you're paying for your desire to have more children is high and may get a lot higher. (From bitter experience, the heart is not always a good decision maker).

I hope things do work out for you and you meet your lottery winner who wants a football team sized family, but maybe focus on work and career just in case things do ever change with your financial situation for the worse.

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 20:41

I cant help what i want unfortunately and its rude to say my ex would be mad to have me back

OP posts:
Carnabyqueen · 14/01/2017 20:43

He'd be mad unless your mind and stopped pressuring him for more children. Would you do that for him? I'm guessing not.

Newbrummie · 14/01/2017 20:47

You can help what you want, I want a Porsche but given the only way of me getting it would be to put the family into dire straights and work every hour god sends and never see my kids, I won't be getting one for a while !

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 20:52

I wouldnt pressure him and i didnt last time.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 14/01/2017 21:09

You have been stupid yes, but mostly you have put your need for more children over your existing children.

Two don't have a father in their lives and their step father who they love is now not living with you all because of something you wanted and might not end up with anyway.

I get the desire to have lots of children, having a large family myself, but I don't understand splitting up your family over having a 5th child. It's so incredibly selfish towards the children who are actually here. I do think you need to explore this need for a 5th child further. You have given up a marriage to what you say is a great man and father, a man who treats all the children like they are his own and supports them. For what? The option of having another child with a new man. How is that in your children's best interests?

Fair enough if the marriage was a bad one but it very much seems that him not wanting another child was the crux of the issue.

It's incredibly sad.

It's done now, but I think you should concentrate on the children who have had their family separated instead of thinking about another child.

Original poster
Busybeesbum · 14/01/2017 21:24

It wasnt a bad marriage but me wanting more kids wasnt the only reason we split. My ex does want to get back together but we both know my urges would take over again no matter how hard i try

OP posts: