Be honest or hide my past?

[MichelleNeedsMore]

Please be gentle with me - looking for some honest advice. I split up from my ex almost 2 years ago and he didn't pay me any money for the first few months. To make ends meet for a year or so I did some escort work. Haven't ever told friends of family about it. I made good money, alongside my day job, and once my ex started payments I eventually stopped doing the escort work. The advice I would like is this - Ive started dating a lovely man and I feel unsure whether to be honest with him about my past. What do you feel?

I can see that.
If my sister told me the same thing I'd be shocked too.
But still totally there for her and probably a bit annoyed that she hadn't confided in me earlier to see if I could help more.

That was pretty much the crux of it Hells! By he second bottle she was asking more detailed questions!!

Over time you will forget and it is a trauma to the soul. The things you have to do to get by in this hell hole so you can eat and pay bills and generally live. Escorting is a dangerous world you don't know who you're going to meet. Its an act that you have to pull off in order to keep that level of money coming in. It is a trauma and you were brave enough to relive all that with your sister. He doesn't need to know about it. Its not who you are its something you did in your past.

It could be that the closer you get to him, the more you'll want to tell him. As time goes on it may become harder to tell him.

"How many men have you had sex with since you split up from your ex"

None of his business.

Don't tell him. You hardly know him.

How would you feel if you found out in years to come that he was an escort or visited them and hadn't told you? If you'd be ok with that then I wouldn't tell him about your past but if you weren't ok then I'd tell him.

Cheers.

There are some things I'll take to my grave, but I know there's no chance of anyone finding out about them.

Leave the past where it is.

I think you're setting yourself for never getting really close to any partner. If he's worth it, he'd understand.

Him: "How many men have you slept with?"

Me: "Not enough."

That would be my response to that question.

I'm uncomfortable with the fact he's asked you and worry that your past will be thrown in your face with this man. It's your business what you did in the past - nothing at all to do with him.

Me personally I wouldn't share it. I understand why you wanted to tell him but if you told him would you be strong enough to handle his reaction?

Tbh I don't think you're strong enough yet. I would wait a few years and then tell him because by then you should know him inside out. If you know what I mean.

You know what it's been interesting and thought provoking considering why he wanted to know so much. Made me stop and think

Good for you- most people don't count or ask once they're out of high school.

I think it just threw me when he asked as it opened up something I was burying

It should make you stop and think. Honestly, if a man had asked me that I think my first response would have been "And why do you need to know that?" asked with true curiosity. As I mentioned upthread, it's fine to discuss with someone that you've both had previous partners wrt STIs, but the actual number is irrelevant. On that front, if someone is supposedly asking on the STI front, they should also ask you if you've ever received a blood transfusion or used IV drugs or slept with someone who has. But the question never quite seems to get that far, does it?

Your past is just that, the past. Over and done. We've all done things that we wish we hadn't had to do. It's for us to know and share with only those we want to share it with. He isn't one of them.

Now my sister wants to come round and see me again tonight 🤔

I did something like this as a student and barely anyone in my life now (20 years on) knows, only one close friend from way back.

I have never told my husband about my past nor do I anticipate doing so.

I was a very different person back then, nothing to be gained by telling anyone now.

I'll go to my grave with a few secrets but probably we most of us will.

I would have to be honest, what if he introduced you to a friend and he was an ex client. Honesty is always the best policy in my book.

Do you honestly think a client is going to tell someone that he has to [ay for sex to get any. Really

Your sister is worried about you and the whole thing has shocked her. Tell her how you felt back then and how you feel now. You are lucky to have a caring sister to talk to I wish I had that.

Horridhenry
Yes I absolute do!

I'm sure your sister just wants to be sure you're ok. But just remember that you owe NO ONE any explanations about your past. Please don't think you have to answer any questions you don't want to. Not even your own sister.

Well you keep on thinking that then.

It was actually quite cathartic to talk to her again. I was happy to talk to someone I can completely trust - and I won't ever tell any partner. The level of questions from her was enough!

good plan.