Be honest or hide my past?

[MichelleNeedsMore]

Please be gentle with me - looking for some honest advice. I split up from my ex almost 2 years ago and he didn't pay me any money for the first few months. To make ends meet for a year or so I did some escort work. Haven't ever told friends of family about it. I made good money, alongside my day job, and once my ex started payments I eventually stopped doing the escort work. The advice I would like is this - Ive started dating a lovely man and I feel unsure whether to be honest with him about my past. What do you feel?

Pot noodle good luck with your anger problem. And I have nowhere said I have known him only 21 days - I said a few weeks. It's actually over 2 months. And thanks to advice from some more caring posters I am clearer.

There is some amazing chinese whispers on here - one post says she's known this bloke for a couple of weeks, then by the end of the same post, it's 21 days, neither of which the OP ever said!

Op said "only a few weeks" - by any standards this is not long - I wouldn't trust anyone with really private information until I had known them for a lot longer.

Listen to yourself, OP. You're quibbling over have you known him 21 days or have you known him over 2 months. Do you really think this makes any difference? If you'd known him 2 years I still wouldn't advise telling him.

It's a weird thing to ask. Men ask this question when they have a clear idea of how many men they consider "proper". They will look down on you if they think you've had too many partners in their terms. Telling a man like this that you've been a sex worker is a recipe for disaster.

Do you really desperately need to tell someone? If so, call the Samaritans. Don't, whatever you do, tell a man you've known for less than a year. And having a pop at pot noodle is unfair. She only get frustrated that you don't appear to taking the advice nearly every poster has given you.

Honestly is not always the best policy

I don't tell people how I wipe my arse

I don't tell people how I masturbate

I don't tell people my very private fantasies

I don't tell people / men I don't know my telephone number or where I live

Meh. Some things are just private

And with this sort of private issue, you will forever have to trust him to keep schtum. Not worth the risk. You don't know him.

You are honest with yourself and this is self protection not dishonesty right now

I have found the advice very helpful. I will not tell him. He doesn't need to know my past - it's mine, and can stay in its own precious box

And thank you everyone. This is why mumsnet is so great xx

DrMorbius was that really necessary?

OP I don't really understand why you tell him or your sister, once you've said it you can't take it back. Do you think they'll never tell anyone else for as long as they live? Have you asked this guy why he needs to know? From someone you've only been seeing a few weeks it smacks of insecurity, immature thinking and need to pigeonhole you. I'd see it as a red flag really.

X posted. Great to hear OP!

Good decision. You're allowed to look after yourself. You don't have to show everything that makes you vulnerable. Being in a relationship doesn't stop you having things of your own.

Great decision... ss said it perfectly.

Another one for saying Do not tell him.

They weren't love interests/partners and I have yet to see a man who wouldn't use it against a former partner if things go sour. HTH

If you are troubled by your past I would pay a councillor to talk to. They are trained not to be judgmental. If I had the money I would love to off load my stresses.

I'd need to go back to my old job to afford that HOrrid 😉

DrMorbius was that really necessary well pinky next time which will be within a week or two that a broken heart comes on here, having found their DP is using hookers, I will send them your way.

DrMorbius I would only say I didn't phone any of my clients. They all called or emailed. It was their choice no coercion. And its you're not your 😉

I'd keep it to yourself op. Whats to gain from telling? Its your past and your business.

DrMorbius Escorts are not exclusively for married men. And even if that were the case, the OP wasn't married to these women.

Your asking for advice from the wives and partners of the men you slept with. blushbiscuitbiscuit

Nah, I doubt that.

The less you tell him the better. Also I would advise you to never reveal about the number of partners you have had or discuss the details. My DH never tells me about his past and neither I do.

I reckon he asked that because it matters to him. So if you tell him about the escorting I think he'll take badly and it'll be game over sooner or later. Then as other posters have said, you'll be at his mercy re. whom he tells.

I was in a relationship with an at 1st lovely man and I regretted (not escorting, other stuff) absolutely anything personal I told him. Now feel naive to not have realised you can't know if you can trust someone until you know them for a long time.

Dr. Morbius was correct with 'your' btw - you're is short for you are; "I will send them you are way" obv. doesn't make sense.

Lol Dr Morbius wasn't correct 😉 I was talking the first comment "Your asking for advice" x

Update. I spoke to my sister! Two bottles of wine later and quite a few tears from her, we had a really good talk. And she agrees I should keep schtum and not tell any partner

I'm glad you got to share this with your sister and her advice is sound!
You've done nothing wrong but you don't need to share this with any partner.

Thanks Hellsbells x She was a bit shocked - and then cross with me for not talking earlier