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Original poster

Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

999 replies

shenry25 · 05/01/2017 11:47

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

OP posts:
ComedyBoobs · 05/01/2017 18:54

Have you changed the password, OP?

Original poster
shenry25 · 05/01/2017 18:54

I'll try and give him a ring later. Was kinda hoping to get more than that from him to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
shenry25 · 05/01/2017 18:55

I haven't had a chance to change it yet. My main concern is finding out what's up with him.

OP posts:
ComedyBoobs · 05/01/2017 18:56

You'll find out sooner if you change the pw Wink

KatieScarlett · 05/01/2017 18:57

There's nothing up with him. His mum just told you. He's not contacting you for a reason. It's not the meds as he's perfectly capable of communication with his mum. So why is he ignoring you?

TrippyMcTrapFace · 05/01/2017 18:58

"I haven't had a chance to change it yet." Confused

wonderingsoul · 05/01/2017 19:00

I find it odd your so close to hes mum so suddenly..and why are you comunicating this through her...

Personaly i think hes just a dick.. even if he ill and not in the mood to talk hes showing you hes real nature... not the happy go lucky one... do you really want to be with that?

Original poster
shenry25 · 05/01/2017 19:00

I haven't been on my laptop yet. I know there's nothing up with him. I'm just gonna have to ring him later and find out hopefully.

OP posts:
tiej · 05/01/2017 19:04

OP, why do you think he's got his mum to tell you his hearing is shot?

Use your common sense.

Original poster
shenry25 · 05/01/2017 19:05

I just messaged her to say thanks for having me down and she told me she asked him about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
shenry25 · 05/01/2017 19:06

What do you mean tiej? His hearing is still bad lol! He's seeing a doc on Monday

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 05/01/2017 19:06

OP!! Please give your head a wobble. His back is ok! Just his hearing!! Deaf people can text! He's moved on. You don't need it spelled out surely!!

Trifleorbust · 05/01/2017 19:07

I would question whether he has MH issues. Living with his mum at 29, serious over-investment in a new relationship (having you round for Christmas should have been a red flag) and then suddenly uncontactable with no real reason. Depression?

Original poster
shenry25 · 05/01/2017 19:08

Well if it was over, his mum wouldn't have asked if he was seeing me cos she wouldn't see the point.

OP posts:
boredofthisnow16 · 05/01/2017 19:10

Maybe he hasn't told her?

SparklyMagpie · 05/01/2017 19:10

OK OP, find your laptop and change the password, he might not have used it today but I bet the next time he tries to log in and he can't he'll be in contact ( still can't believe he didn't even ask you)

You know there's really nothing wrong with him, as his back is OK and his mum has replied for you.

I bet he won't answer when you phone and if he doesn't ( even if he does ) I think I'd walk away

The fact he can tell his mum what to say to you says it all! He's fully capable of contacting you

I still wouldn't really excuse it but if she replied saying he was in a bad way blah blah, but she hasn't, he's fine and is hearing REALLY a reason he can't read his messages and reply

Prepare yourself, after this,I think it's pretty obvious where it's going...I actually think you should jump ship NOW before you really do get hurt. I understand you want chance for him to explain and give him the benefit of the doubt, but he's set this up now and YOU'RE the one going to get hurt.

RoseIsFlying · 05/01/2017 19:11

Cor blimey...

Talk about focusing on the wrong things.

Facebook statuses
Netflix passwords

Look. He doesn't love you...it's not possible after one month. I know that sounds harsh, but you need to man up a bit because you sound all passive waiting for a wimpy man to contact you...

His actions are showing you that he doesn't respect you, period.

I would delete his ass off Facebook. Change my password on Netflix...and get on with my life. I would also try and figure out why I let my head go in their clouds so quick and over nothing.

I've been there though...acting like an idiot and waiting for a man to "complete me".

You don't win when you act like this over a man. Trust me on that one.

gather your self respect, please.

Trifleorbust · 05/01/2017 19:11

Well if it was over, his mum wouldn't have asked if he was seeing me cos she wouldn't see the point.

You're not going out with his mum, OP. She may or may not know what is going on. She is also likely to try to keep her more-than-adult son's romantic options open even when he is behaving like a total dick. How else is she going to get shut of him?

Twiterati · 05/01/2017 19:11

You have your answer there Op. He is now talking to you through his mother. Run a mile.

tiej · 05/01/2017 19:13

The hearing problem is an excuse not to speak on the phone.

His mum is being a typical mum and covering for him, I bet she's having a right old moan about doing his dirty work.

Unless his fingers have fallen off he would have sent a text, in fact if he couldn't use his fingers he would use his toes if he really loved you.

Original poster
shenry25 · 05/01/2017 19:14

I'll try and talk to him

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 05/01/2017 19:15

Oh God, just seen your replies!

It's his hearing!!! Not his eyes! You are STILL excusing him. He doesn't have to tell his mum fuck all about your relationship!

I've been dumped without actually being told I've been dumped, people can and do do this !

I think unless he says it's over you won't believe it, I'm beginning to realise I shouldn't feel as sorry for you because you are clinging on to anything

Besides it's not his MUM'S place to say anything in regards to your relationship, she's not going to turn round and say " ooh I thought it was finished"

You don't know him and you don't know his mum

This is going to end in tears Hmm

tiej · 05/01/2017 19:15

His ears aren't working OP, remember.

MsStricty · 05/01/2017 19:17

When my DP is sick, even when they are totally out of commission, they text me.

I would also have absolutely no problem texting them if they hadn't responded for a couple of days, first to say I'm worried, then - if they continued not to reply but used my Netflix account so I couldn't access it - to bollock them unreservedly.

This is not yet an established relationship, OP, because he hasn't done the first, and you haven't done the second. And I am pretty sure he is behaving as if it isn't a relationship at all.

AllStar14 · 05/01/2017 19:18

I can't figure out why you are giving him so much of your time, it's been a month! Change the password so he can't take the piss anymore than he already has done.