Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

He has probably stayed off fb as he can see you are monitoring him. You don't know for sure he has not read your what's app messages but either way it does not change the fact that he has chosen to not contact you. If he was as ill as you seem to think his mum would have told you? So he wasn't too ill for sex but is too ill to text. Come on. You know the truth.

This happened to two friends of mine. The one friend, her boyfriend was on his way to spend the weekend and would be leaving in half an hour... that was four years ago and he hasn't arrived yet..
She had also met the family and was a much loved girlfriend. Or so she thought.
We can laugh about it now but at the time she was devastated.
The other friend her boyfriend promised her the earth after a month. They had a brilliant weekend together and as he left on the Sunday evening told her it was too much too soon and finished it. She said she was more annoyed that it was HIM who instigated the future fakery.
So it does happen. You just don't seem to consider it a possibility OP.
Even if he does come back into your life remember that no matter what his excuse or how much he apologises a decent man would have been in touch. By carrier pigeon, smoke signals or morse code. He doesn't think that much of you.

I do accept it as a possibility but I still want to give him a chance to explain. I'm not monitoring him, I can just see when my chat bar goes up. Also he hasn't been on whatsapp and he chats to loads of people on that.

Why don't you just call him up ?

I did try to ring him last night but for no answer. I'm sure if he was that bad, his mum would've said.

Iv just read the whole thread since I posted my phones off when I'm ill.

I live with my husband so contact with anyone else doesn't matter. If I was in such a shiny new relationship of a month where we were declaring we were in love and had just spent Xmas and new year together my mob would be on ans I'd be texting. Cause when your so newly in love you do want to keep in contact even when you are ill.

Perhaps he's having 'Netflix and chill' with someone else.

Where did you meet by the way, online?

I also suffer from a bad back. Staying in bed is absolutely not recommended. Iv been on tramadol and also on naproxen and diazepam, those two taken together and whilst they made me feel a bit sleepy I didn't stay in bed for two full days with no contact with anyone.

It doesn't look good.

I'm just going to have to wait and see to be honest. That's all I can do

If it's only an hour away and you spent a month together and declared love etc. I'd actually go and take some nice snacks and lucozade and a DVD if you truly believe he's ill. If he is ill he will welcome it. If he's not ill then you will know he's fucking you around and can move on.

If you think turning up is too much then you clearly aren't that serious about each other.

That's a good point actually! Least that way I will know what's happening!!

Good luck OP. I hope you can calm down a bit and find something fun to do for yourself while you wait. The waiting game is a horrible feeling and I don't envy you.

If he does get back in touch please don't just forget about how you've been feeling these past few days. You've clearly been very stressed and anxious and that's not how a lovely new relationship should feel. You don't have to go nuts at him but I think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to say 'I'm glad you're feeling better, but the sudden radio silence for three days had me quite worried - please don't do that again'.

Exactly and you can either relax knowing he's ill and you have cheered him up showing you are thinking of him and care.

Or

If he isn't ill then yes you will inevitably feel shit knowing he's been blanking you but at least you will know the truth and won't waste any more of your time on someone who doesn't deserve it.

Op, I think you're reticent about contacting him or going to see him as you don't want to rock the boat but you are fully entitled to find out exactly what is going on. It's not ok for him to watch your Netflix and not expect to hear from his new loving girlfriend. Even if it turns out to be completely true that he has been out of it it would still raise warning signs that he didn't think it necessary to let you know in some way what was going on.

to be honest op i think if he came on here and told you he was blanking you ud still come up with excuses as to why he wasnt ..
goodluck !!!
some advice i was once given "never chase friendship or love..if it isnt given freely it isnt worth having"
it can be hard but also know your worth ..i wouldnt be getting in touch with him or his family ,uv already tried to ring him amd have text him ...the ball is in his court now LEAVE IT!!!

It looks desperate to drive round to see him.

OTOH, he needs to be called out on his terrible manners.

So just change the Netflix password. That sends a good message!

Yeah, I'm not sure how I'd feel about someone just turning up at my house when they hadn't heard from me and I'd said I was ill. Maybe if they lived around the corner and just thought they'd pop in to check on me, then fair enough. But if they'd driven for an hour I'd be a bit alarmed!

Unless he has been hospitalised, there is no good enough reason for him to ignore your calls and messages. Seriously, not how you treat someone you apparently 'love'. You must realise this, OP.

After a couple of months with my ex ( my son's dad ) the train station was right near his house, we'd talk and if he had a cold or was feeling ill I'd pick up some supplies and goodies and jump off at the station when I finished work just to drop them off, he had abit longer to travel to mine but he did the exact same.

Do you think he'd bother if it was the other way round?

He's not even answered your calls for God sakes!

You say you don't check if he's been online, but if you use the messenger app for Facebook you'd have to go into that app and see when he'd last been online, same for whatsapp, you'd have to click on his icon for it to show up when he was last online
It doesn't just show up without going into it

You will continue to make excuses and even if you go to see him ( which I do agree you'd get your answers ) or he gets Intouch, let's face it, you'll let him off and you'll keep going back

Judging from what you've said on your last relationship, sounds like you're clinging on to any hope because you don't want to admit to yourself what's going on

I do feel for you. Let us know how it goes.

Nobody is trying to be harsh for the sake of it

Aslong as you've read what we've said, just be prepared Incase it does go tits up. Nobody wants to know you're upset or this guy is playing you around

Just warning you from how it looks and I think deep down you know that too otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread

Keep us updated OP, hope everything goes well

I sent his mum a message and he said his back was ok just his hearing still bad. He's seeing a doctor on Monday. She asked him was he coming to see me this weekend and he said he wasn't sure so I don't know now lol

Eeee OP how are you feeling about that?

Doesn't sound as bad as you first probably thought?

I hate to say this because I do feel for you, but the " not sure " answer seems to be waving some flags

Wait, hang on...

So you messaged his mum, an I'm guessing her reply to you was from him? So she's spoken to him and he still didn't actually reply? She replied for him?

That doesn't sound very promising. What a dick, going so full on and then pulling this shit. Honestly, you are better off without him. Please don't let him play with you. Sounds like he knew all the right things to say. I'd Change that password if I were you.

Yes his mom doing his dirty work

This is all very odd, OP.