Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

Yes ! It's just going to end in more tears !

I have no strange or weird expectations! I'm going to get my clothes and leave. That is all there is to it! I did not know he was going to be like this otherwise I wouldn't have set myself up to be hurt yet again.

I'm not going to take his mums kindness as anything other than just that!!

Why is it you going to see his Mum and go to the door? Why can't your friend or sister or anyone else but you?

In my opinion there is no problem in wanting your clothes returned or even going to collect them yourself. It's your choice.
But your constant hashing out what has happened in your search for answers, is a wee tad odd now. I feel the reason for this is you want the right answer and one that sits comfortably with you.
For you to move on you must respect this guys decision as hard and all as it is to take. Forget about this fling but value it for the lessons you have learned. keep your head up and brush yourself off.

I'm not really questioning his reasons anymore to be honest. Just hurt again which sucks. It's not about seeing his Mum, it's about getting my stuff.

Well in that case Shenry I wish you well for tomorrow. Distract yourself from those feelings of hurt and rejection they will pass. As many many posters have said learn to love yourself, you might need help and support to get there.

Your neediness is a real problem. You keep saying "but he said" to justify you hoping for a better outcome.. Maybe getting there and se ring your stuff in a bag outside the door will make you accept that you have to let this go. You still have hope he will see you looking sad through the curtain and change his mind.

That you would risk your life driving in very bad weather when you could get your things posted says everything to me. You have issues that will resurface again and again in relationships.

I've followed this with sadness. Agree with pp who say let it go. Tell me, would you have slept with him so quickly if he hadn't given the impression of wanting to build a relationship with you I.e. Talking about kids and love so quickly?

Just seems he wanted someone to idle away the days off work over the festive season with

Bless you shenry. Have you got someone who can keep you company on the drive? Tell you stories of idiot men who shouldn't be allowed out without their mothers? You need to find a bit of anger in you, because he has behaved really really badly. He didn't treat you like a 'princess' at the start, he deceived and misled you. Stop being stunned and sad, and start being furious. As for his mum and sister, they know him, helped raise him, and let him get away with this. Maybe the text she sent about treating you well was a warning to you, which you missed! Would she have sent it if he didn't have a track record of treating girls badly?

Good luck today, drive safe.

Pickle, indeed, that was a strange text from his sister.

His mum atleast, has to know what's been going on. With you two spending so much time together etc, he's got to have filled her in
In all honesty, it's all weird !

You're adamant you're going there, so good luck. I still believe doing this is going to hit you harder, but you clearly arnt bothered by that

So long as you know you're going to get nothing more than your clothes, but please please please, I can't stress it enough, delete and block all of his family.

There's no need whatsoever now to have any contact with them at all

Have to point out that it says something he's not even been arsed to ask for his stuff back from yours. But I think you should take all his stuff and drop it off there, that way he never has any need to try and contact you either

You've not I don't think, said anything and dropping his stuff back, but please do that,do not have anything where anyone can get Intouch with you

After you leave that doorstep it's done - end of

It hurts, but you need to accept you're never going to get answers from him, and no matter what he says anyway it's not really going to make a difference. Even if he turned round and said " ok I'll be honest, I did rush it, but you made me back off and it didn't feel right " or " I just realised that I'm just not that into you " you'll feel worse anyway, so you can close that book on that

6 weeks is such a short time in the grand scheme of things, you have every right to be upset but don't prolong it anymore!

Do the pick up and then shut it down now, you're the one who's hurting - not him, not his mum or sister and if you keep looking for or finding reasons then that's down to you

Like I said good luck

Oh his mum will have been told that he liked you a lot, but you turned out to be a crazy - wanting to spend every day together, talking about babies in day 2...

If you don't want to see his mum and are 'dreading it' (your words), you do have a choice in this. You don't have to see his mum if you're dreading getting your clothes so much.
To reiterate what PP have been saying;

• go with friend/sister they can go to the door for you, that way you won't have to encounter her.
• get her to leave the clothes somewhere safe outside the house.
• get them posted (though this seems unlikely).

Takes the dread out of it I think.

I don't think she's going to tell us why she has to go.

It's going to hit her big time after OP has been, and I think she'll question things even more and feel she has to get Intouch to get more answers

Sorry for being harsh OP, but I just don't get, yet again the ( if not all) majority of posters are advising you and you're deciding to go against it, it's like you want to feel worse over this

It's the longing to see his home one more time and wishing she could turn the clock back.

It's the prolonging of contact, no matter how painful. Once the clothes are collected, it's really over, that's what shenry's really dreading.

You do know that she's reading your comments right?!
Let her be. Don't dictate what she should be doing or feeling. I'm sure she feels shite enough!

I don't see what the problem is with her going to get her things? Of course she wants her things back, he's not going to be there anyway so no harm in her going?

Pick up your things and then move on x

Yeah I know she's reading the comments, otherwise I wouldn't be typing would I?

Lovemusic33

Upthread the OP said she was 'dreading' getting her clothes. So I think PP are trying to point out that she has a choice in this. She doesn't have to do it if she's really dreading it.

Unfortunately, regardless of all the posts of advice....OP needs to deal with this in her own way the way she is, is all a part of the healing process.

She is holding onto the fact that by going to his house to get her clothes whether he's there or not means there's a chance for them....OP knows deep down there isn't but everyone holds onto hope!

It's been over a year now & I still hold out on some very small amount of hope that my ex will suddenly pop up & start a conversation....I don't think about it everyday but now and again picture the scenario.

You can't blame OP, she's hurt....how she is acting is normal....thoughts are very powerful so if she genuinely believed he was the one, then of course it's going to hurt when he decides to "ghost" her.

OP, talk about your feelings over & over again....until they fade. It will happen.
You asking what you did wrong or if you could have made things different....this is all a part of the process I'm afraid.

Just go with it, however, don't obsess....it's not healthy.....that's when it'll cause other issues.

I'm dreading it big time but it has to be done

I don't see the big deal in her collecting her clothes.

I ended a relationship recently and the guy said, don't worry about my stuff, just get rid of it. I packed up a bag with a shirt, cashmere jumper, after shave, Robbie Williams cd, photos of him as a child and it didn't feel right but I threw it out. Three weeks later he asked for it back!

Freedom2017

😂 Well he did say get rid of it!