Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

I'm dreading it big time but it has to be done. I'm hoping the snow doesn't mess things up as well cos I don't want to prolong this.

It doesn't have to be done by you though. I know if I went through a break up, even if I had to drive someone would go in and collect them for me.

If you really were 'dreading it' that much you would ask them to post the clothes or send someone else to the door to collect everything. You're doing it in the slight hope you'll see him, please stop kidding yourself.

this

I have to challenge the statement, 'it has to be done'. It doesn't actually have to be done. You are choosing to do it.

Glad your going to collect your things, him not being there will make things easy. Make sure you turn up looking happy and confident, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he has made you feel so bad. Hold your head high, get your stuff and then move on.

Many of us have been in you position ( have believed what a man has told us, thought that they were the one ), learn from it and remember that not every one are who they seem to be.

What is your obsession with going to collect these clothes?
It's £3.95 for a small parcel with Royal Mail.
Cost less then petrol.
He won't be there,it's pointless,your using the clothes as a last connection to him.
If you insist on driving up,let your sister knock on the door.

Yeah there more I think about this, I have to agree

Can you really not get them to post your clothes to you and you maybe send his things? He's not going to be there and if I'm honest I think it's going to be abit awkward with his mum.

It's going to end up hurting you more I think it you go round there. What if you burst out crying for example?

If you insist on going, I'd take a mate or your sister to knock on the door and collect

Or is it, you secretly hope he is there or that maybe if his mum sees you, she might have a word with him?

Whenever I've had to do this with ex's I've either asked them to leave my things so I don't have to knock,or I've made sure they have been out for me to go round and collect so I didn't have to see them and risk the situation becoming worse

Forgot to add, that you saying how you feel, you doing this is a REALLY bad idea

Actually just checked it's £2.85 second class for a small parcel..easy as that.

Everyone from the outside can really see that following the end of this relationship, the logical thing would be to post the clothes back, leave them outside, not to have any contact with him or his family.

However Shenry can't see this and thinks it's best for her herself to go in person and collect everything. The only reasons I can see for this is that she thinks he's going to miraculously appear and tell her it's all a mistake/sleep with her (because in her head he still has feelings for her and this will justify that even though he's using her) or the mother will put in a good word.

It's telling that the family haven't also been deleted from Facebook because she doesn't want to be over him, she wants him and no matter what we say about previous experience she's not going to listen to us.

Shenry, you have to want to get over him before anyone can help. Right now in my eyes you're making a bit of a fool of yourself over this clothes situation (he isn't bothered about his stuff he's left at yours) and it isn't going to work out how you've planned it.

His mother will have seen it all before, I bet you. Regardless of what she says.

Get your stuff if you must then delete him. Off everything.

Usually when people go no contact, the other party will do anything to renew or salvage the relationship on their terms.
Just saying.

Shenry, that is a horrible thing he did. I am too old now, but I was a great one for falling in love at the drop of a hat, so no criticism from me.

But I think one of the things about taking a relationship slowly is that it gives you time to find out what their flaws and whether you can live with them. I nowadays apply that to new friends too. All human beings have flaws, but often the most instantly attractive ones are the ones with the worst flaws.

It wasn't you, it was him. I think real love, the love is that is for keeps, is when you each know the worst defects of the other and still love them.

Thanks Atenco! I do fall hard and fast and he treated me so well!! So therefore I didn't think anything wrong. I have had friends who have done the same thing and it's worked out. What confuses me is that he was talking about babies and moving in together within two days! That took me by surprise but I figured well I don't need to do anything I don't want to. He was really insistent on meeting my family and me meeting his. His sister text him and told him how lovely I was and if he hurt me she'd bust his head 😂 I honestly did get caught up in the moment big time and was so so happy and it all came crashing down round my ears. I'm even embarrassed to be round friends and family because of how much I raved about him. He even met my granny the day after Boxing Day. When I was staying at his for the week I kept saying, maybe I should go home for a while? And he kept telling me no please stay, I don't want to let you go!
I know I'm not going to see him when I get my stuff and I know his mum isn't going to change his mind. I'm just doing my best to accept the fact that I'm not going to see him again and the house just feels so weird without him floating about in it! Least it didn't last too much longer or it would've been even harder in the long run. I didn't mean to push him into a corner for an answer. I just felt that I had a right to know what was happening since he just disappeared so suddenly after telling me he loved me the day before.

Oh dear

shenry25 - just read your whole story, he's a prick.

I also read it in your (our) accent! You type with an accent - "My heads melted" lol.

I would bet we don't live far apart.

Best of luck.

Lol! Pearses! Yeah I type the way I speak! 😂😂 I never bargained on him being this way so it's hit me kinda hard but what can I do eh?

Woah! Ok so he was talking to you about babies after 2 days? Fucking hell

This just gets worse. I reckon he was just saying all the things he thought you'd like to hear. NOBODY talks about things like that after 2 days.

It's actually quite frightening

The whole introducing to both families so quick, it doesn't matter what his mum, sister says really does it.

I'm sorry but the more you added it's freaking me out abit.

Would you consider counselling to sort out some issues in regards to relationships? The worrying thing is if he phoned you right now and said " im a dick, im sorry lets try again" you'd be right round there

It's coming across in the way in your replies now that I don't see you moving on from this...until the next guy comes along. Sorry

An I'm sorry but him discussing moving in and babies within 2 days should have been a MASSIVE RED FLAG

Think you could really do with some help spotting these signs

Jeeze, you didn't even know him

Going for your stuff is just prolonging your pain. He had his fun and has moved on. He's full of shit and always was, but you were so eager to meet a good guy, you ignored the glaring red flags. Talk of marriage like that is not sweet, it's ridiculous.

Leave his family alone, you are not friends so delete the mum off fb. She wouldn't be friends with you outside of a relationship with her son and that's over.

You are analysing and overthinking it all. He conned you, that's it. You were not meant to be. Accept that and get into therapy pronto so you don't make the same mistakes again, and for the love of God, go slow next time. If the guy is right for you he will accept that. If he doesn't, he was never going to stick around anyway.

I don't need therapy!! I was just caught up in the moment after having a complete dick of an ex. Yes the talk of marriage and babies was a bit much but I figured he'd quit all that talk once the initial infatuation had wore off but he just ended it instead.

another one who thinks you should have been running for the hills based on what you've written. That is totally weird behaviour. As is him folding with 'ear problems' and moving to 'Edinburgh''

Infatuation in two days is not real; infatuation tends not to involve talking about marriage and children.

I have been following your thread and just wanted to add that he is an absolute shit bag fucker. I was holding out that this would have a happy ending and think that quite frankly some people have scolded you way too soon, too much and gone way too far!

Anyway

Sounds as if this prick has all the emotional intelligence of a wet turd who just can't help himself stringing people along AND I bet you 50p (cos I'm skint, otherwise it'd be about a quid ) that he has done this several times before and is probably doing it again now. His Mum moat likely knows he does this but has given up telling him or doesn't get involved other than to make excuses to the other girls he does this to. Take solace in the 'fact' this guy will not have a happy life, I mean look at how he treats people. He seems unable to act like a grown up. In fact he seems hard pressed to act like a kid!
It won't end well for him.

It is definitely not you in this case. Treat it as a learning experience and don't be too hard on every bloke although it's tempting I know... you'll meet the right one when you're not even looking xx

I doubt his mum has a "moat" be good of she did though, could fling him in it!!

I meant to write "most"

IF* fucks sake haha