Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

Shenry

I haven't posted since you sent the text message but I just wanted to say how pleased I am that you finally have answers.

I think what's still shining through now (and I don't blame you) is that if he called you now you would go running back to him. Why would you ever ever want that after how he's treated you? It's obvious you need some form of help or treatment to realise why you feel the way you do - that you're indebted to these people because they 'love' you.

Please please delete all his family from yours and your family/friends Facebook. You'll never move on otherwise! When my breakup with my last ex was past the point of no return we both did it immediately. There's no point torturing yourself with it all and this is what you're doing. You can see it in your posts 'he hasn't deleted my sister and she can see everything'. He's on the other side and doesn't care, he probably hasn't even realised as he's a bloke!

Finally, and please be honest. Why are you going to get the clothes? Why isn't your friend going or sister rather than you? (I think we all know the answer but he's told you he won't be there, don't put yourself through that)

itssosunny - she left her own clothes at theirs, and she said these items aer her favourites, she is mainly going to collect that, not to bring his stuff for him.

Really they should offer to post it to her as it's his wanky behavour that caused all this - and now she has to drive 40 min there and back to collect.

From looking at what you're going through, I think you should just watch this:

I'm so sorry OP. What a prick.

Edinburgh. He knows it's quite hilly I assume? Hope his poor ears can cope with the high altitude... To be honest, his excuses are so random that I give it a fortnight before you're convinced he's a moron.

I don't think Shenry has asked them to post it back - this seems to be the thing she's clinging onto hoping it'll make a difference if she goes there in person.

Which we all know it won't, but it's something she's been adamant about doing since the start.

Haha that YouTube video is great

LoveforPG, thanks. Maybe I missed something but I thought OP was also going to bring his stuff to his mum's, e.g toothbrush and some other things.

If I were OP I also wouldn't go to his house but send someone else to do it otherwise it looks as she still hopes to see him whereas he doesn't as he will be out.

IMO all the back and forth about the clothes is a way of jerking the connection alive and creating drama where there needn't be any.

Jerking! Keeping the connection alive

well she knows he won't be there now (or will be giding) so she's not planning to see him there anymore even if she was hoping to. I think they should have offered without her asking, they know it's humiliating to her as she is the one who was dumped. I'd also send a sister/friend to do it.
itsosunny - yes you read it right regarding his stuff but your post sounded as if she is just doing it for him - as she's picking up hers, it's fine, why would she want him in her house taking his stuff anyway!

*hiding argh

I think if she's adamant about collecting her stuff she probably should take his back too, not to do him a favour but to do herself one. I think it's clear that the op is using this as a last ditch attempt to change his mind, at least if his things are returned she cannot then use that as an excuse to contact him again. I agree the op has been treated unfairly by this guy but tbh If I was him I would make sure I wasn't in on collection day too. OK there's no getting away from the fact that he could've dealt with things differently. He clearly changed his mind and tried ignoring her hoping she'd get the hint (cowardly I agree) but when that didn't happen and he was backed into a corner, by the op's consistent contact and his mum being involved he did make it clear it was over. Now that contact is continuing and to be honest, if I was him, I would be concerned about being present while she collected her things. It's clear the op will want to try and change his mind and perhaps he thinks it's best all round if he doesn't have to deal with that situation, why should he? He's spelt it out he now has the right to be left alone.
Shenry - you really need to accept it's over, and even if he is just a complete Wanker who enjoys the chase, as others have suggested, you need to accept it's done now. I understand that it hurts, it's disappointing and that you're upset and gutted but you need to get some perspective. This was a six week thing, I get you've been burned and that it doesn't feel nice but your recent posts about how you feel are the precise reason why you should not, under any circumstances get involved with anyone until you've worked on yourself. This man wasn't enmeshed in your life, you didn't share a home or years of experiences as comes with a ltr relationship and yet you're willing to accept this treatment rather than be alone, you're talking as though you're heartbroken, can you imagine if this was a six years partnership coming to an end instead of a six week one. I think you would be struggling to cope. This is why my advice would be to get yourself to a happy, strong place before even thinking about sharing your life with anyone else.

Prizes, good points about Edinburgh . It does sound as if he hasn't researched his move very well.

OP, I agree with pp that you're using the stuff as an excuse to keep in contact. He's shown himself, after 6 weeks now of you knowing him , to be a twunt. He's not a twunt for changing his mind, or getting carried away (assuming he was sincere), he's a twunt the way he handled the dumping.
You deserve so much better.

1. Get the stuff together and get round to his to get yours and drop his off. ASAP. Make a list before you go of all the stuff you left at his and don't leave his doorstep until you've checked you have everything. No excuses for having to go back again. 2)Block ALL his contact methods, all his family off your FB etc etc. NC is the only way to go. That includes any other random links. Can't scroll back but I'm sure upthread that I read that he was on your sister's FB or something. Really? After just a few weeks?

Hi OP. I meant that he sounds like a mummy's boy and wouldn't be at all surprised if she actually doesn't want him to get too involved with anyone else. The fact is she knows how he's treated you and frankly should be giving him a kick up the backside for treating women as badly as he does - he clearly hasn't been taught to treat women with decency and manners.

loving the youtube video. Nice - he's getting mummy dearest to do his dirty work, at his age. I wish you saw you were well shot of him shenry.

I will realise after a while that I'm better off out of all that but at the minute I'm just hurt. I thought it was going to last, he made me promises that he evidently couldn't keep and I believed them all. I did get too ahead of myself but I thought for once I had finally landed on my feet and found a good one. I did say in my text last night about collecting my things that "I know I didn't react the best the other night. I was just taken back. I'm not going to try and change your mind. I understand your decision." And then I said about collecting my things.

shenry25

Congratulations - you just dodged a bullet.

Let me explain to you the type of person you just managed to avoid:

• A coward
• Someone who uses his mother to mediate conversation between himself and so-called 'love interest'.
• Someone who is first to say "I love you" when he doesn't realise that love is not about saying 3 words just from getting stimulated.
• Someone who quite frankly is not a man and unlikely to ever grow up.
• Someone who lacks respect.
• Someone who doesn't know a good woman when he sees one (you do seem lovely and sweet).

So please - try not and feel too despondent. You have a dodged a bullet, it's January 2017, and this year is still for the taking. Go for it - maybe start with a sauvignon blanc! :)

Why are you still texting him?

OP - he knows you're going to collect your clothes on Thursday, so please don't send anymore messages.
His mum is going to be in and you know he'll be out so no need to let him know anything now and you can block him.

Tbh even if he was in, he's made his mind up, there's nothing more he needs to say to you now, and it wouldn't make a difference either.

So get your clothes Thursday, and block and delete him now...and for Christ sake if you havnt already CHANGE YOUR NETFLIX PASSWORD !!

It's very hard but you just need to accept now that this is happened, and no matter the amount of texts etc you could send him, he's not going to change his mind

I actually deleted his profile off Netflix on Sunday so he can't watch it anymore. I wanted to text him about my stuff rather than his mum as it was him I was in relationship with. I know he won't change his mind and that hurts but there's nothing I can do about it now.

Soooo... text him a time you will be round to collect your things and ask that he leaves them outside is a water-tight bag.
Job done - then block, ignore, delete

Good !
I know I understand, it's going to take you some time but I really think the best thing you can do now is block and delete and I think it would be wise for your sister to delete him, don't see why she would still have him on Facebook either apart from you being able to see what he's restricted from you.

You're not going to move on whilst you still have him on social media. When you pick your clothes up and his mum shuts that door, shut the door on those 6 weeks.
I'd then delete his mum, you don't need any reminders, no matter how nice she is

He has already said that I can come collect them on Thursday but he won't be in, his mum will

Perfect.
Well sort of - loads of snow forecast late afternoon down South so hopefully that won't interfere with the collection.
Collect then be done with him and his crap.