Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

999 replies

shenry25 · 05/01/2017 11:47

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

OP posts:
shenry25 · 10/01/2017 14:23

I know he was! I feel stupid for feeling so happy and telling everyone for him to just disappear off the face of the earth! I would never treat someone I supposedly cared about like that

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/01/2017 14:31

That's because you are a nice person.
He however, is clearly NOT!
He is a NOB of the highest order!

shenry25 · 10/01/2017 15:12

No BoxingHelena! I feel like a complete idiot!!

OP posts:
shenry25 · 10/01/2017 15:14

All I keep thinking was that he was was so into me and did I do something?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/01/2017 15:58

No you didn't - he's a dick-head.
That's all you need to understand here!

SpermThroughASashWindow · 10/01/2017 15:59

I hope you feel some relief OP. I know you are extremely hurt, but the not knowing is the worst.

I too ended up in a fast relationship with someone. In the space of seven months, I had three marriage proposals which I said were too soon. Then I got dumped out the blue (or at least t felt like it) on Christmas Eve a few years ago.

Your ex is not worth any of the hurt. He does't deserve to be mourned. I will not be surprised if he gets back in touch at some point. Be strong and ignore him.

Bluebelle38 · 10/01/2017 16:19

It's quite clear that you want someone to love you. Unfortunately there are many people around that will use and dispose of people without thinking twice about it.

It's hard to understand someone behaving that way when you would never treat someone like that.

Yes, everyone is right, he is a coward and said the things he did to get you into bed.

You can sit at home and cry over this loser (and he is) or you can get into counselling and work through why you accepted his treatment and still wanted him!!! It was clear to everyone he was pulling away. There is a reason why it wasn't obvious to you - you desperately want him to be a good egg because your other partner's were assholes as well.

You are the common denominator. The red flags were there at the start, but in your blindness to have a boyfriend, you ignored them.

You are going to keep falling for these idiots if you don't address your neediness to be in a relationship. I don't believe you were happy single. I think when this guy told you what you wanted to hear, you lapped it up and were too eager to make this work than see him for the fake eegit he is.

Please, get into counselling and read the book Women who love too much. It will really help you.
He is NOT worth your tears, although I think you still would take him back if he asked. And that is very telling, too.

You owe it to yourself to get help for your neediness. It isn't going to go away without help.

Laughingsoftly345 · 10/01/2017 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shenry25 · 10/01/2017 17:14

I was treated so shitty in my last relationship that when this guy came along, I thought I was actually being treated the way I deserved! Unfortunately not!

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 10/01/2017 17:32

Shenry, sadly a lot of people have been treated badly in relationships. You know now that when someone starts promising the world to be very, very wary.

You didn't know this guy long enough to see his true colours at first. Given that you were so hurt before, it's understandable you want to meet someone who truly loves you.

This man didn't. That doesn't mean another guy won't, just that this guy was not genuine.

He is a coward and if he can act like this now, imagine the heartache he'd put you through over 6 months.

I would recommend you steer clear of relationships till you heal from these two losses and with the next guy, take it slow. If he rushes it, then you slow it down. Just because the guy runs away with himself, doesn't mean you should.

It is likely this guy has lied to you a great deal about his past as well. Everything he said appears scripted, rght down to his ex cheating on him.... There is two sides to every story.

Bottom line is you deserve better. We all see it, hopefully one day soon you will, too.

shenry25 · 10/01/2017 18:07

I don't plan in getting involved with someone for a very long time! I can't take being hurt that much again

OP posts:
Laughingsoftly345 · 10/01/2017 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

madgingermunchkin · 10/01/2017 18:27

The best thing either of you can do is delete them off all social media. Keeping the so you can see what they're up to is only prolonging the heartache and is what is preventing you from moving on.

Do yourselves favours and delete them (and their family!) one day soon, you'll realise it was the right decision to make.

shenry25 · 10/01/2017 20:19

I text him about picking my stuff up. He said his hearing is still messed up so he can't hear on the phone but that's fine and to come on up on Thursday. He won't be in but his mum will

OP posts:
shenry25 · 10/01/2017 20:19

laughingsoftly345, I feel exactly the same as you. I just feel so so lost!

OP posts:
Amberlynn · 10/01/2017 20:24

I've read the full thread and to be honest OP, it sounds nds to me as if he and his DM are in cahoots with each other. You definitely dodged a bullet and she got to keep her DS

WouldRatherHaveCake · 10/01/2017 20:29

Shenry I've been watching this thread, you didn't do anything, he didn't get spooked, he wasn't put off by anything. Some people just enjoy that initial rush and nothing more.
However I will say please don't text him again. You had already spoken to his mother about collecting your things, and now he has given you the brush off again. He doesn't want to see you and he doesn't want to reconcile. I'd be getting the sister to remove him from Facebook and I'd be moving on with my head held high knowing he is an utter cocksplat

Laughingsoftly345 · 10/01/2017 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ellisandra · 10/01/2017 20:44

Please please please work on your self esteem Shenry.
Your comment about his mother being there preventing you shagging him... you'll say that was a joke, but right now if you really accepted that he was an arsehole you simply wouldn't joke like that.
This man is pretending a cold has affected his hearing because he can't be bothered with you talking to him.
That is what a fucking lowlife piece of shit he is Angry
You really shouldn't be joking about shagging him.

There is NOTHING you did wrong.

shenry25 · 10/01/2017 22:51

Amberlynn what do you mean in cahoots with his DM? I don't understand what your post means sorry! I will just collect my stuff and go. I've just spent the last few days wondering what I've done wrong and if I could've done things differently that's all. Honestly, if I have paced things would it have made any difference?

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 10/01/2017 23:08

I don't think it's really about him. He has his part in this situation and maybe this is the way he operates with women; hot and cold. But he doesn't matter. And you won't know the workings of his mind.
Thinking how things could've been different if you said or done something or not done something is still allowing him to set the agenda. It's about what you really want for yourself and how you can empower yourself to set your own boundaries and to walk away when someone is disrespecting you or treating you badly.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with some weak, pathetic liar?
This could be an opportunity for you to look at and understand why you fell into this dynamic again. And why you so readily gave him all your power. Then when you have that self esteem and confidence you wouldn't even give this loser the time of day. He wouldn't even be on your radar.
Don't torture yourself thinking about what you could've said or done. He's really not worth it.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 10/01/2017 23:16

so predictable that he 'wouldn't be in' and hiding behind mummy, the cowardly manchild!

BoxingHelena · 10/01/2017 23:20

you really are not in fit state to go around his house to get that stuff OP. Just leave it. Honestly. Don't go. You keep texting him you may end up with a restraining order

Itssosunny · 10/01/2017 23:30

OP, I hope you're not going to deliver his stuff to his mum's as it's a bit humiliating. Let him or his collect it while you're not at home. Please don't do it for him. If he doesn't come to get it by certain date just chuck it out. He is still using you OP even for delivering his stinky things. Sorry for being harsh.

Itssosunny · 10/01/2017 23:31

"his mum" collect it

Swipe left for the next trending thread