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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

999 replies

shenry25 · 05/01/2017 11:47

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

OP posts:
maggiethemagpie · 08/01/2017 21:25

What's wrong with the text is that it screams lack of self respect - you're being FAR too nice to him and basically leaving the door open for him to walk his way back in.

I do hope he is not laughing at you.

OP, tell me honestly if he phoned you up now and said it's all been a big mistake take me back, would you? I think you would... which is basically saying that he can piss all over your feelings and it doesn't matter.

YOU need to dump HIM, as he is too emotionally retarded to dump you

maggiethemagpie · 08/01/2017 21:28

Also, why are you apologising to him, he should be the one apologising to you!

When your dignity is worth less than trying to keep a relationship going at all costs, you're in trouble.

I genuinely wish you the best OP but you need to work on your self esteem a LOT before you get in to any more relationships.

Bant · 08/01/2017 21:30

I agree with Maggie. There's being honest, and then there's displaying no self respect and awareness at all.

The man has acted like a cock, from day one, it seems. And the OP doesn't see that.

Richteadipped2 · 08/01/2017 21:32

Wow get off her case! She's feeling crap enough!

Bant · 08/01/2017 21:34

Okay, I will.

Good luck, Shenry, I hope it works out for you.

Original poster
shenry25 · 08/01/2017 21:42

He's planning on moving to Edinburgh so it's over. He's restricted me on Facebook too. Gutted.

OP posts:
Bant · 08/01/2017 21:42

Sorry Shenry.

PenguinsandPebbles · 08/01/2017 21:42

madgingermunchkin fair enough :)

I actually remember the OP previous posts

boredofthisnow16 · 08/01/2017 21:45

What a charmer he is.. Sorry shenry

PandoNoPants · 08/01/2017 21:48

Shenry I really feel for you, you seem like a really nice, honest person.

This guy has waltzed in, love bombed you and now vanished. I've been there a few times before and it bloody hurts.

All this FB business. It wouldn't suprise me if he had a second (or even third) account (hence not being active on his main). And as for his Mum adding you, part of me (the incredibly suspicious part) thinks maybe either he is using her account or she feels terribly about what he is doing and won't tell you either. I hate to think it but perhaps he had someone else (or even a few others!) he has been seeing. And the part about moving from somewhere (Liverpool/Newcastle..can't remember?) back to his Mums? I wonder what his reasons were for that? It just screams player to me.

Anyway, they are just my thoughts. As much as it hurts, please don't fall for any bs if he does get back in contact. I'd also not worry about your items at his, unless they really do mean something to you. Don't give him the satisfaction of going all that way. If he really did love you, he wouldn't pull a stunt like this. You deserve so much better! Throw yourself into your new job/gym/anything and don't give this shit weasel anymore head space. xx

maggiethemagpie · 08/01/2017 21:52

Ah sorry to hear that Shenry. But now you know you can begin to come to terms with it and move on. It's the not knowing that's the worst.

How did he tell you did he just send a one liner? I bet he didn't even say sorry, or anything nice at all did he? Which should tell you you're much better off without him.

Deadsouls · 08/01/2017 21:56

So sorry Shenry25
That must hurt. But maybe now you have your answer, however hurtful it feels now, it's better to know than be left not knowing. And honestly, the way he's behaved says more about him than you. He's not worth it. Be aware of men who rush intimacy and are really intense talking about love within days. I know there are exceptions, (as some posters have written), but in this case his actions speak louder than his words.

madgingermunchkin · 08/01/2017 22:12

I'm so sorry love.

I know it hurts, but at least now you have an answer.

Oysterbabe · 08/01/2017 22:14

What a coward he is, waiting for you to chase him and force the truth. I hope you're OK Flowers

LatteTime · 08/01/2017 22:32

Lucky escape, chin up Flowers

Original poster
shenry25 · 08/01/2017 22:36

It really does hurt so so much! I thought things were going great. Apparently it moved so fast it put him off

OP posts:
Original poster
shenry25 · 08/01/2017 22:37

He said I'm planning to move to Edinburgh and doesn't want to be in Ireland anymore, sorry

OP posts:
therootoftheroot · 08/01/2017 22:40

onwards and upwards now chick

there are plenty more shells on the beach and better

concentrate on you now

don't be in a rush to meet anyone else
do some stuff just you- learn a new skill, find a new hobby -something...

LatteTime · 08/01/2017 22:40

And he couldn't of told you this face to face, had to wait for you to chase him via text? Suddenly after Xmas he's just decided to move to Edin, unlikely.

You deserve better OP.

Big glass of wine and a box set Flowers

Underthemoonlight · 08/01/2017 22:46

Hes a coward op he used on Monday by having sec knowing his intentions it took how many calls and texts before he had the balls to come clean. I would completely remove him off you're FB.

Original poster
shenry25 · 08/01/2017 22:46

Yeah considering he seemed fine right up to New Year's Day. And not a mention of moving away. He has me restricted on Facebook too.

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 08/01/2017 22:48

I suspect he wasn't ill and I doubt he's moving to Edinburgh especially if he's now restricted you. It's awful when people treat you like crap but it might hit him one day as he's on the recieving end.

EggnoggAndMulledWine · 08/01/2017 22:58

What an absolute wanker. I'd delete him off Facebook and everything else and his mum too.

Original poster
shenry25 · 08/01/2017 23:02

I was thinking Edinburgh was a lie too

OP posts:
LatteTime · 08/01/2017 23:02

What is restricting on Facebook? Excuse my naivety but I've not been on it for a few years. I thought you were either friends or not? Lol.