Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

Please do!

I need as much advice I can get!

Had to pop back on to check if OP was ok

But as Wynterblossom has said, I wish I had that information, the guy who did this to me is 30 and still lives with his mum...and another similar situation I had a few years back with a guy who was 28 and lived with his mum

NEVER EVER even made that link

Wow I will definitely remember that important golden nugget of information

Sparkly, I didn't judge him at the time as I had moved back in with my dad due to a marriage breakdown however had lived just fine on my own for 10 years before!

It came to light a few months later that actually he hadn't paid any rent in the 29 years of his life....had £7000 in savings....no debts whatsoever yet just stayed at mummy's!

Definite red flag!

Bloody hell wynter that's shocking!!

I never thought anything of it either, I was 23/24, before my son and I'd moved back home after my longterm relationship broke down and my ex pressured me to move out of our flat, so again I had no reason to ever question the 2 guys who did this to me
Completely put me off now though

I still live at home with my son and my mum, but I've always paid rent and contributed to everything, it's just the 3 of us.

OP I just want to apologise because I havnt exactly been too nice to you on this thread, but like a lot of posters bringing some of the harsh responses up, it's because I've had this happen and I wouldn't want anyone to ever feel that way and it's not fair to yourself

Congratulations on your new job, atleast you have a new big focus and can throw yourself into it :) you're young and there's no rush for you, focus on yourself, you'll learn from this and thanks to this idiot you'll build yourself back up and benefit in the future when you do find someone who you will settle down with

That's only what we want you to see! Nobody should ever make you feel like this !

Enjoy your girly night out, let your hair down and have fun! ( please don't drunk text )

He's not worth your time ! Right now, hope you've got those heels on, a nice drink in your hand and have a good laugh with your friends and hit the dance floor ( if they have one haha )

Take care op x

Also I don't blame you one bit OP for getting wrapped up so quickly. It feels nice. Been there. Done it. Got burnt. Like you and so many posters.
Don't let it put you off. I'm with my partner almost 2 years and I saw a lot of him in the early days. Maybe people would have said slow down but the reality was the previous experiences told me that this it all could have gone tits up at any moment.
I was totally prepared for that and luckily it didn't happen. But had it my previous experiences had made me very very resilient. Please learn from this.

Lilybetsy has it,

Your thoughts, lead to your feelings which lead to your behaviours.
Your thoughts currently are along the lines of this - this was the real deal = I love him = behaviour, therefore I must contact him to find out what's his issue.

Change your thoughts, I didn't know him, he's not sincere therefore I don't love him or actually like him very much so I will delete him from my life.

I really hope you had a fun night OP and didn't drunk text. I hope being out and having a laugh made you realise that he isn't worth the brain space.

How are you doing today, Shenry?

Hope you had a good night. It must feel so confusing, to be in this situation, with his mum carrying on as if everything is ok and him disappearing. Just take a step back, give yourself some time, and see what happens.

I too, hope you enjoyed you evening out, OP.
If you are planning to go and collect your things today, good luck - try to appear breezy and confident and if he sends his mum to deal with you please don't ask to speak to him as in that case he's really not worth it!
Also stay string if he does speak to you and apologises, make sure he knows that you can't be treated this way.

*strong!

I hope you had a good night

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago except we had been living together for 6 months, he just went out one day and never came back! The lack of closure is what gets you the most, though he did send me a happy birthday text on my birthday the week after
It takes time but you will get there and you will stop thinking about him, I later found out he had been leading a double life, I wasn't his first victim and certainly have not been the last as I've had other women contact me.

He's not into you clearly

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago except we had been living together for 6 months, he just went out one day and never came back! The lack of closure is what gets you the most, though he did send me a happy birthday text on my birthday the week after *
It takes time but you will get there and you will stop thinking about him, I later found out he had been leading a double life, I wasn't his first victim and certainly have not been the last as I've had other women contact me.*

Even with the high amount of time me & my ex spent together, I still believe he was leading a double life too

I didn't go up to his house today. I'm taking a couple of days to get my head straight first.

Well done Shenry. Give yourself some time. It will get clearer.

How was your night out?

Yeah I had a really good night! Was nice not thinking about things for a while. Now I'm clearing my head and figure out my next move.

Good. So if you can go out and have a good time so soon, do you really think you're that bothered about him now?

Please let your next move be never contact him again. And to keep going out and having fun.

well as there is obviously still no contact from him, it should be easier for you to decide - at least he's not messing you about with apologising/excuses. But what a twat! you must still be reeling, OP, but just give it a bit of time and you'll be ok.

You've done well to not go round there this weekend, surely that makes you strong enough to not bother EVER?!

Listen, I've been thinking the last couple of days and I don't understand why you're being so quiet. I'm starting to think there's something wrong between us and I'd rather just know. Have we moved too fast or something and u wanna take a step back or do u just not want it anymore? Either way, it's a shit feeling not knowing. As far as I was aware, we were getting on the very best and things were good between us. I don't expect to be in constant contact all the time cos we both have lives but a check in every now and then would be nice. It's pretty crappy having a boyfriend and not speaking to him. Plus we've been together so much lately and we need space but I do miss u and would like to see u or hear from u. Having said that, I'll respect your point of view and whatever you're feeling too. If I have jumped the gun and came to the wrong conclusion then I am sorry. It's just hard to not think that way. Just don't leave me hanging and let me know one way or another please xxxx

I sent that

You haven't sent that have you?

Oh god OP!

I thought you were feeling better about it all and realising the type of person he is? And now you've just sent him a begging text to get in touch with you.

He won't. Sorry to say it but that comes across as so desperate, he's completely gone the wrong way about it but when you must realise he's had second thoughts and can't do the decent thing?