Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

You poor, poor girl. You need to think more highly of yourself. As the saying goes - actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say and make promises But if they don't follow you then that says it all. Stop contacting him and try and move on. He really is not worth it

We just sat and watched tv and we went out on a couple of dates too

Well I think you should go round and hopefully speak to him. I'd tell him he's a spineless piece of shit and you just want your stuff and you are ending it.

Is anything sinking in OP?

That is actually what I intend to do

Oh sweetheart I do feel for you, what this guy is doing is truly shitty but you need to take control now and kick his sorry ass to the kerb. Many of us have been in your shoes, and it really sucks but please learn from our mistakes rather than setting yourself up for more heartache.

Quite a few years ago now I was seeing a guy. We met online, he had a fractured ankle when we first started talking so for the first six weeks or so a lot of our initial chats were via Skype. By the time we finally met we'd been chatting every night for hours. It felt easy and natural and we quickly fell into a relationship. Early on in the relationship I was made redundant from a job I'd been in for 6+years. Suddenly all rhyme and reason was pulled from my life and I took comfort in hiding away from my real life by staying at his. Pretty soon I was staying most nights, something I'd never normally do but it was a welcome distraction from trying to decide what the hell to do with my life.

4 months in, we were at the end of an amazing holiday when he drunkenly blurted out that he thought I should move in with him. We'd both had a fair bit to drink so I suggested we discussed it again when sober. Sure enough at lunch the next day he brought it up again, reasoning that I already spent so much time at his I may as well live there. Throwing caution to the wind I agreed but with the caveat that I would still rent my place until we'd been together a year, and thank god I did. The flight home we were like lovestruck teenagers, but when I left to go back to mine the next day for a family birthday his tone changed and I went from being "the love of his life" and "what he'd been waiting for all his life" to him asking for a break as he wasn't sure what he wanted. This all happened in the space of less than 12 hours and to say I was blindsided was an understatement.

A week later I was dumped by email with him telling me he that whilst he never cheated on me he'd realised whilst with me that he didn't want to be in a committed relationship. That was the last I heard from him until I'd been with DP about 6 months and he suddenly decided to clear the air and apologise for being a shit...by which point I couldn't really give a toss what he had to say.

At the time however I would have done anything for an explanation. I even went as far as visiting his sister with his birthday present (I'd bought it before he'd asked for a break and couldn't return it) just to give myself some hope that all he needed was space. I couldn't eat or sleep, I just felt sick the whole time.

In hindsight it was the not knowing that upset me more than the actual break up. How could someone go from asking me to move in and planning a life with me to cutting me out of their life completely in a matter of days and how could that same person who apparently loved me so much actively put me through hell? The short answer is I think he wanted to love me, he wanted the girlfriend and the happily ever after but he had deep seated issues (and I later found out a rather large drug habit!) and just couldn't handle being in a relationship. It took me a while to realise the issue was with him and not me, but I came back stronger and determined to never allow myself to sit around waiting for someone else to decide whether I'm worthy of being with them.

That is awful WifeyFish! I'm so sorry you went through that

shenry my prediction is that you'll go round there and because he's a spineless arse hole he'll offer some piss poor excuse (he was sick, he had no wifi, he was scared,
the wind was blowing in the wrong direction) which you'll accept. He'll invite you in, declare his undying love, shag you, then tell you he's tired, needs to sleep and he'll call you the next day. Then he'll ghost you all over again.

Have some self respect. Decide for yourself that you will not be treated like this. End it in your head and delete and block him from everything. Forget the clothes. There is no reasonable excuse he can give you for his behaviour and there is no way you can trust him again. This is the end of a very short and insignificant relationship but you can use it to help improvise your self worth by take back control and not turning up at his door a sobbing mess screaming Whhhhhhyyyyyyyy?

I wouldn't turn up at his door sobbing. I've more pride than that.

Is he from the Newcastle area OP?

( I asked this earlier and was told that he's from Liverpool but having read the thread again I see that my first impression was correct and that he was in L'pool for 7 years but he's 'back at home' now.)

He could have asked his mum to message you if he was too ill but tbh I think his mum asking if you were together (I think that was the gist of it) was a little worrying, maybe she was confused?
He's not messaged or called but has been on Netflix. You booted him out of Netflix and he hasn't even checked with you on that. You have known this person for a month and he is ignoring you already. You do not know this person really and yet love was mentioned and he was very keen to escalate your relationship very quickly and also before you had even met.
I have numerous medical illnesses (my body is a dud) one of my conditions is horrifically painful when it happens (the worst pain a human can go through according to worlds leading specialists and a poll done by everyone who has it in the U.K. Even when this pain kicks in I am able to send a text if really needed so I'm pretty sure he could manage one with whatever he has going on... it probably takes less effort to text you than it does to log in and search something to watch on Netflix.
Give it till tomorrow at 7 then assume that he's a wanker and either send him his stuff or burn it, your stuff should just be left there or his mother can send it. If he at a later date asks if you want your stuff back again tell him to send it but don't meet him as he may use it to wheedle his way back in.
Ending it now will mean you don't have to go through this again in a few months when he pulls his next stunt.
One last thing, I have a ridiculous amount of pretty serious drugs and I have always been able to text people I give a shit about even when woozy on them. If he can get to the toilet he can send a fucking text. Don't get into playing his game or you will be playing it for years to come.

You know you can switch your phone to airplane mode and read Whatsapp's and they'll look unread to the other person, right?

OP, I am sorry he has been such a dick but maybe he's just realised over xmas/NY that you and him aren't right for each other after initially thinking yous were and he's just too scared to tell you. But, and I mean this nicely....I really do, you are coming across as really clingy and over the top and maybe you've scare the shit clean out of him. Maybe that's a bit harsh and unfair as you seem like you just want someone to love you back but honestly it's reading like that with your refusal to accept what seems so clear to us reading.

For your own sake, please just send a text (not whatsapp or you'll torment yourself checking if he's read it) telling him you don't deserve to be ghosted and you're disappointed he didn't just have the balls to let you know he wasn't interested anymore but you've got the message. AND THEN NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN. Never mind your stuff at his house, it's desperate to go round there looking for it. Fuck it. Buy some nice new things instead.

I'm being completely honest when I say he was clingy from the very start. He said he loved me from the second he met me. I was quite wary for the first week and he began to grow on me.

Bloody hell !

Just come home from work and caught up on all the posts and you replies OP

It's not sinking it at all is it?!

I agree with a poster who said you'll turn up and he'll spin you a line and you'll sleep together and you'll fall for it hook, line and sinker

You say you plan to get your clothes, find out what's going on and end it,but let's be perfectly honest here, the clothes mean nothing regardless, you want to show up,make a point that you are there and you'll fall for any crap he'll give you

OK you're hurt, we get it, I, as I'm sure lots of other posters on here have,have been through worse than this, it's textbook, we know exactly what will happen, and who's the one going to be even more upset and hurt here? Because I can assure you it won't be him

Why after this shit do you even want to see him? Because you want him to turn round, make some shitty excuse which you'll fall for and the "fairytale" will continue for you for a very very short period.

It's almost as if you want to be hurt, you know deep down you're making a fool of yourself, I'm not even going to apologise for being harsh now, a lot of us posters as I've said, have been through this, I wish I used this forum when I did something stupid like this

I'm 26 so I think around the same age, I look back and cringe so bad at how I've reacted in the past with guys I loved. It NEVER ends well

HE DOES NOT GIVE ONE FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOU

what on earth do you need him to tell you?!

I don't believe you've only sent 2 messages since Tuesday, not one bit . You can message his mum asking her but can't ask her to send your clothes back to you because " it's a bit much " bullocks, it's already been too much! I don't believe you've changed your Netflix password either as it's a way to monitor if he's been using it, your excuses are weak so I'll just say this now

He's I'll, he does love you, you mean the world to him, he's the happiest he's ever been since he met you, move in, get married, start a family. His mum thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread... you and him are forever. Don't give up on him, he's just been silly!

OP do you enjoy being embarrassed and letting someone take the piss out of you? Because you must enjoy to let this guy do that to you and you drinking it up

I pray you don't in a months time, write a post saying " omg I'm an idiot I slept with my ex" because I can already see it now.

I really did feel for you but it's obvious you want to do this to yourself otherwise you'd fuck the clothes off, block and delete him and make a new start on finding yourself...

You are setting yourself up for a very sad,lonely life OP

OP seriously get a fucking grip!

Both threads this guy and the last, it's always them being the ones who declare their love,are clingy, move way too fast, you were wary

There's a massive pattern and you can't at all say you havnt played a part... You're chatting bullocks love and you arnt fooling us at all, not at any point were you not allowed to put a halt or slow things down, despite what you say, you went along with it

All I'm saying is that it's still early enough in our relationship to let him explain himself. If he doesn't or he does this again then I really won't hang around. Yes I could've put a stop to it and slowed it down but I was so caught up in the moment. In the last few days since I've been home I've realised that we did move very very fast and that wasn't the greatest idea. I don't give two shits about Netflix. It's £5.99 a month. Not breaking the bank. I'm not making excuses for him and I am very pissed at the way he is getting on and making me feel. I've been questioning whether I have done something wrong or not but I know I haven't. He has clearly panicked or something, I don't know, but I'm just leaving him to get figure it out. I have plans to go out with the girls this weekend for some drinks and a good catch up which I'm looking forward to a lot! I need my space to plan what I want to do. I also got a job offer today which I'm excited about. I intend to put this on the back burner for the time being until I sort other things in my life. If he really does care, he will miss me etc. If not, then nothing I can really do.

All I'm saying is that it's still early enough in our relationship to let him explain himself

Good God. Seriously?! You think this is a relationship? It's not. It never was, and it more than likely never will be. He was not clingy from the start - he did the classic thing that guys do and came on strong so that you would sleep together, and then he lost interest. We've all been there - it's shit but most of us pick up our dented pride and delete the guy out of our lives.

The explanation is that you have been dumped and he can't be bothered to explain himself / is too cowardly / thinks you are a bit weird and clingy and is actually a bit scared of your reaction. But if you insist on showing him you can't live without him (pathetic when you have only had a handful of dates), he will probably continue to use you as a shag buddy. You will get hurt, I can see it - we can all see it, but you can't. Oh well, we tried. I know how this will end.

I think posters are wasting their time here.

You've been had, OP.
He's just using you.
Let us know when you can see it and do consider why you are trying to justify the actions of a pig, when you only know him a wet day.

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!

This is SO frustrating! You've asked for advice, you've had a unanimous reaction, you're STILL talking about speaking to him and working it out?

Have some dignity and some self respect! I'm beginning to think this thread isn't real as I can't believe someone could be so pathetic.

Delete, block, move on.

Oh dear

This is NOT a relationship ( although Facebook says otherwise )

I have 0 sympathy for you now OP

Just don't be too quick to come back and tell us all you're stupid and we were right, because you will at some point when you finally realise

Oh and for God sakes don't come back in 4 months time having jumped into a new meaningless relationship

( can't believe after repeatedly saying you'd get round to it, you havnt changed your password ! )

What a car crash

Oh and for the record " I've been question whether I've done something wrong, but I havnt "

You have done something wrong...You're still hanging around clinging on to something that isn't there and you won't accept it and move on

You do realise that a Facebook status doesn't mean fuck all? Why set so much store by that when he's ignored you since Tuesday?

Grow up, wise up

He has clearly panicked or something, I don't know, but I'm just leaving him to get figure it out.

OP he's not panicked - he just doesn't give a shit - he's already moved on. He's not figuring anything out because he's not giving you second thought.

The fact you would allow a man to treat you this way and be so blinkered is not only depressing, but also is the reason men will continue to treat women this way in the future.

You are one easy piece of meat to him, nothing more. He'll potentially contact you when he wants sex as he has no respect for you - no doubt you will go running, and then when he doesn't talk to you again, you'll tell yourself it's because he's confused over his feelings all over again