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Original poster

Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

999 replies

shenry25 · 05/01/2017 11:47

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

OP posts:
Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 19:36

I'm not asking his mum to post it, that's a bit much. I know none of you will agree with me but my intentions are to go and get them.

OP posts:
Bant · 06/01/2017 19:37

Shenry.

First of all, have you changed your Netflix password, or are you still checking it every now and then to see if he's watching shows that you're paying for.
Secondly, count up how many times you've tried to make contact since he last messaged you. Including via his mum. Is it three? Five? Twenty?

Have some pride, woman. You're becoming the obsessive stalkerish ex girlfriend he'll laugh about with his mates.

I know this isn't your fault, the guy is a twat. He probably even felt affection for you to begin with, but now he's just hiding, apologising to his mum, and laughing at you.

Tell his mum to send the clothes to you, that you're obviously upset at her sons behaviour, and you liked her but wish she'd raised a son who wasn't a coward.

You'll never see the clothes again though. Or him.

Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 19:38

He has 2 messages and four missed calls. He's not on my Netflix anymore, that's sorted.

OP posts:
Bant · 06/01/2017 19:39

Good.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It happens to many people though.

KinkyAfro · 06/01/2017 19:41

Well if he hasn't blocked you yet he will soon!

silkflowers · 06/01/2017 19:42

Well he is talking to his mum, so he is clearly alive and able to communicate.

How many clothes do you have at his mum's house? One outfit? Two? Or an entire wardrobe? 😑 I'm just trying to get some context on this...

How do you feel right now? Do you think he is still your boyfriend or do you accept it looks like it might be over?

Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 19:44

I am accepting that it doesn't look good. I'm not naive just hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 19:45

I've left quite a bit at his house. I did say to him before I left on Monday could I leave them all there and he said that's no problem cos he's left stuff at mine. No problem there

OP posts:
WynterBlossom · 06/01/2017 19:45

Denial is to stop yourself from getting hurt, it's natural. You are only human, the only reason we are still going is because of hope!

Don't be too hard on yourself

SpartacusWoman · 06/01/2017 20:01

Ive read the full thread and didn't see this mentioned but if I've missed it I apologise.

If you use the same email and/or password for any other account get them changed.
I'd actually recommend changing all your email address/ passwords anyway, not just the Netflix one, as even if you used different password for other things it sounds like you've given him a lot of personal info that it wouldn't be too hard for him to recover passwords by pretending to be you.
Some sites all you need to know is mothers maiden name, others are more tighter and request answers to specific questions like "what was your first pet?"

I know it might sound a bit dramatic but it's not unknown for men/women to pretend to be in love in order to swindle people out of money and getting personal info and passwords to even just a Netflix account can help them access other accounts such as eBay, iTunes, bank, it's suprisingly how many people use the same email and password combo for most accounts.

Underthemoonlight · 06/01/2017 20:16

OP why did you leave your clothes there seems odd thing to do after month judging by your thread I don't believe it's just been two messages and then 4 Miss calls I think there's more plus messaging his mother. You will come across as stalkish if you just drop on his house. Ask his mother to post the clothes and cover the cost or just leave them please have some dignity

Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 20:27

Well he left stuff at mine the first time he came down as he said after a while he won't need to bring stuff with him eventually.

OP posts:
BlueNeighbourhood · 06/01/2017 20:30

I think there's been a lot more contact than two messages and four calls too.

I don't believe that someone who is obsessing this much could have this little contact, I bet the mother is involved of the boyfriend as well. More messages to her, and I wouldn't be surprised if OP has had her friend or sister message him or the mother too.

Underthemoonlight · 06/01/2017 20:36

Please op have some dignity it's been three days and you've had no response don't make yourself a laughing stock

Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 20:37

No one else has messaged him but me

OP posts:
silkflowers · 06/01/2017 21:03

So is he still listed as "in a relationship" with you on Facebook? I would hide your relationship status by setting it so "only you" can see it.

I am genuinely sorry that you are hurting but as others have suggested: go out with your friends, get a girly film in, wine, pizza, chocolates, whatever - it will make you feel better. Switch your phone off for the night, give yourself a break.

RortyCrankle · 06/01/2017 21:14

Re-reading your original post, I can see that although virtually 100% of the responses are saying the same thing, it's just not what you want to hear.

So you will go and collect your clothes and will be hoping and praying that he will fling open the door, take you in his arms, insist it's all been a ghastly mistake, declare his love for you and you both go off into the sunset happy, despite his rotten behaviour. Except it's virtually guaranteed that won't happen. He will probably hide in the house and his mother will hand you your clothes and that will be the end of that. Don't forget to take his stuff back when you go, don't want him turning up on your doorstep do you.

tiej · 06/01/2017 21:14

shenry, I could cry for you. I wish we could make you see reason but I know you will do what you feel you must.

No matter what happens, you will be OK, just don't make it hurt any longer than it has to. You were doing well before you met him, he's just a blip, an upsetting blip, a pathetic blip.

List him under BLIP.

Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 21:16

Yeah he is still listed as in a relationship which is strange. But then so is his behaviour.

OP posts:
BlueNeighbourhood · 06/01/2017 21:22

Has he spoke to you at all since you text him to say you changed your number?

Because if he hasn't, is he not trying to contact you on your old number or something? Not that that's any hope to give you as if he really wanted to get in touch he'd do it via Facebook but could explain the phone radio silence.

silkflowers · 06/01/2017 21:27

He is listed as In A Relationship only? Or "In a Relationship with Shenly"?

Underthemoonlight · 06/01/2017 21:27

Blue don't give op false op she spoke to his mother

Original poster
shenry25 · 06/01/2017 21:30

It's listed as in a relationship with me

OP posts:
BlueNeighbourhood · 06/01/2017 21:33

Underthemoonlight I'm one of the masses that believe it's utter crap and he's ghosted her. I just thought it was a bit strange it came after changing the number.

It isn't going to end well, any sense and she wouldn't be going to his front door to ask for clothes back she doesn't need. OP needs someone qualified to be able to help with why she gets herself overinvested in these things too soon and let's a man dictate the terms of the relationship. Until then, there'll be thread after thread like this about uncertainty.

Bant · 06/01/2017 21:33

Ooh! Ooh! Maybe this is his Grand Test to judge whether a woman is as good as his mother?

He'll tell them how much he loves them, and then mysteriously disappear. And if they have the temerity to judge him for it, or doubt his undying love, or defriend him on Facebook or take away the Netflix, then they are not worthy of his Wonderful Penis and Undying Devotion.

Maybe it's a test, shenry. Do you think you'll pass? Do you?

Or do you think maybe he's just a cock?

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