Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

He's an absolutely twat. No way would I forgive someone for this after only a month.

I'd message him saying my sister will be round to pick up my things on x day. Please have them ready.

Then I'd run my sister there and she'd go get my stuff and I'd drive away and never contact him again and feel thankful I found out so quickly what a messed up head fuck he was before I wasted anymore time of my life on him.

I haven't read all of the thread, so please forgive me if I am repeating what others have said,

Op, last year like you I fell head over hills for someone, I met him online, we chatted for a few days and then we met, things moved very fast and I felt as though I had known him for years, before I knew it he had moved in ( pushed his way in ), I started to see a side to him that I didn't like so much, but he treated me like a princess, told me he loved me. Turned out he had a whole load of baggage, I was with him for almost a year, he was telling me a whole load of lies, I trusted him, he was leading a double life and seeing other women, not going to work when he said he was. Anyway, the moral of my story is 'never invest too soon', 'never trust a man you have only known a few weeks or even months', 'if things get that intense that soon then something is not right'.
Sorry op but chances are he has decided he's not that into you, or he has another partner. I would stop messaging and run a mile.

OP - I agree so much with what others have said. Your post could have been written by me 10 years ago. Please take the advice on here as there are indeed plenty of red flags with this guy:

There is no excuse for him to be ignoring you, especially if he has been so full on previously - meeting his family, declarations of love...

Go slowly into any relationship in the future. Meeting family after 4 weeks and having clothes at his place is too much, too soon.

If you are desperate for a relationship, you will not only scare decent guys off but you will be easy prey for the wrong sort of man.. I know these words may sound harsh but trust me, I learnt the hard way.

Don't give him a moments thought - ask his mum if you can collect your clothes. Maybe she can put them in a bag for you. Go and collect them. Say thanks very much. Walk off and cut him off your facebook and change Netflix password. Then move on as he was but a minor blip in your life.

I am not desperate for a relationship at all! It was his idea to move things so fast and I was happy and didn't think anything of it really. I will be getting my clothes at the end of the weekend if I haven't heard from him by then. Which I probably won't.

You won't hear from him because he doesn't want to be with you. Why not just send your friend or sister to jump out of the car and get it? Is it because you're clinging onto the hope that he will come rushing out and say it's all one big misunderstanding and it's okay again? Because you do realise if this happened - everytime he goes silent for an hour you're gonna worry if he's done a runner again.

I'm not expecting anything. I just want to get my stuff and go. Whatever happens, happens

whatever happens happens

But this was not the attitude you had before when you were anxious and/or thinking about why/if/when he'd get in touch. And the wondering about why he just suddenly disappeared. You are wanting contact which is why you're getting the clothes yourself. And that's not wrong or bad, but don't delude yourself that it's anything else. Even if you don't see him and it's his mum, it's contact by proxy. I do get that it's hard to cut off and accept though. Still I think you've made your mind up on this one. You're determined to get your clothes come what may!

I'm definitely not deluding myself. I'll be going down there expecting to get nothing but my clothes to be honest!

Send him a text finishing with him, then get a friend to get the clothes.

Yeah I'd dump him first, saying you're coming to collect your stuff. Take the upper hand girl!!

Good luck x

Changed that password yet,OP?

Ask him to post the clothes to you and if you're feeling generous say you'll reimburse the postage, but personally I think that's the least he could do.

What do you hope to achieve by going to get the clothes yourself? And not a friend or family member picking them up?

I am not getting my friends or family involved. They got involved last time and it ended badly. I didn't want them to and they still did. This is my relationship and I will sort it one way or another.

But they are involved? You talk to them about it, and you're involving his mum by using her as a communication tool to get to speak to him.

You know, if you just admitted you're doing it to try and talk to him I'd have so much more respect for you.

Apologies but you certainly are desperate, it sticks out like a sore thumb, irrespective of what you say. You talk about him as though he still has the decision to make regarding this relationship, but it wasn't isn't and is likely to never be a relationship, you have to see that. You don't need answers, it's been a month, the answer is he either lied to you for a shag and to avoid a single Christmas or he got caught up with the romance, either way it's clear to everyone but you the he's changed his mind and is now avoiding you, perhaps he's worried of your reaction if he tells you or perhaps he's just an arsehole, again either way pick up your dignity and just leave it. You are not helping yourself by acting like this. We know, he knows and if you're honest you know you would definitely go back with him if he gives you the opportunity and that in itself screams desperate, you're words/replies still make it clear you are clinging onto the hope of 'working it out' but there really doesn't seem to be anything to work out. You could save yourself further embarrassments and just leave your things, I'm sure it's nothing you cant live without but you seem to be using this as an excuse to get round there. I really do mean this in the nicest possible way but get a grip, chalk it up to an experience, learn from it and see it for what it is....four weeks of fun that's now ended, because it really isn't anything more. Please stop hanging so much emotional emphasis on it, it's that that is making you seem desperate with low esteem and no self respect and while your giving out those signals you will continue to attract bellends.

You really need to block delete and go out for a blady big drink ! Like I said before he's a idiot learn from it

Best way around this......go to his house to "get your stuff", ask him wtf is going on & why hasn't he bothered to reply....his reply will be, oh I'm just not feeling well or! He'll be honest.

Regardless of the reply, that fact he hasn't found the time to message since Tuesday means he isn't bothered....the feelings on his part aren't there.

You'll move on & get over this in your own time, you'll deal with it in your own way.

Just try not to be 7 weeks down the line like me, thinking oh today might be the day he gets back in contact! He won't, he'll be in a new happy relationship with someone else, you'll be a distant memory!

Men are wankers, I've no trust in them anymore....unfortunately for us, they won't ever change

Everyone: 'leave the clothes', 'get a friend or family to get the clothes', ' get his mum to send the clothes'

OP: 'I will get the clothes'

Why? Are these clothes indispensable? Are they invaluable? Worth hundreds of pounds?
This is so frustrating, why I am getting so invested in this thread? Because I have behaved like you have and it's bloody painful and horrible. And because you're asking AIBU, people are giving you their opinions but you either refuse to hear what is being said or you are genuinely in denial. The clothes are a ploy to get contact, do you really not see that?

I'm gobsmacked that your attitude is "whatever happens, happens."

You're being a doormat. Your attitude should be "how dare he think he can treat me like that. Fuck him."

I'm not going to deny that I do want to see him yes. I do want answers yes.

But he isn't going to give you them? And he isn't going to be the person you 'fell in love' with. He's proved he doesn't care less, if he did he'd have answered the phone to you or replied to your messages.

He's taken the cowards way out and you deserve better and really need a counsellor to find out why you are so passive in relationships. He's going to think you're a nutcase showing up on his doorstep when he's made it clear he's not bothered about seeing you. If he was he'd have been here with you this weekend and have said if he's coming or not.

I'm totally overinvested in this thread! Probably cos I did the same in my early 20's but I got through it.

How have you left it? What is current situation? Have you made any attempts to get your clothes back?

I have to admit I am curious as to how this will pan out. Remember whatever happens, you will be fine 😘

Re: other posters, they may seem harsh at times but I have posted under different usernames about my ex before on here, and looking back on the advice, I realise now it was 100% right! I wish I had left him then. I didn't like the advice one bloody bit at the time but you know what, a lot of MNers are a wise bunch

Wooooooooaaaaaaah!

Just read of page 13 that HE LIVES WITH HIS MUM (at 29 )

So... his mum has been able to speak to him - literally speak to him! - to know he's probably not coming down this weekend. (definitely)
I assumed you meant she's spoken to him on phone or something!

So it explains why he was so keen to stay for days at yours very soon: because he doesn't have a place where he can shag his girlfriends! Also could be why you met his mum so quickly - not much choice when he shares a bathroom with her!!

So, your clothes are in HIS MUM'S HOUSE. Not yours.

If these clothes are really worth so much to you, ask his mum to post them back to you.

Not HIS house, I mean.