Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

Condensed milk - she only met thus one last month.

Oh I see - thanks . All this after a month ? Really not worth the agg Op.

Oh dear. OP I think you need them

Even if he did come back to you now, do you really want to be in a relationship (no matter how great the month was) with someone who communicates with you via their mum when they are unwell?

I know it must hurt like hell, but it's time to take off the rose tinted glasses, don't put yourself through this with this utter arsehole and focus on being single for a while. Block and delete he is not worth your effort.

Use this has a good opportunity to decide what is acceptable in a loving relationship (this crap isn't btw) and decide what you actually want from a person in your life and then follow it, take things slowly next time. If someone really likes you they will go at your pace and if they try to dictate otherwise, you walk away.

Take a step back to take a step forward, when you understand what you really want and have boundaries your find Mr Right.

Just to be completely clear - I do not NEED a relationship. I was actually very happy being single and completely shut myself off from my ex. I knew he wasn't worth my time or energy and just left it be. I felt so much better for it!
I was not planning on meeting this one or starting a relationship. HE was the one who wanted to be serious. HE was the one who wanted to meet families. HE was the one constantly talking about our future. I asked him did it not freak him out talking about that and going so serious and he said no. And that remained the same until Tuesday. Then nothing. You can't just switch off like that. I don't understand. I rang him a couple of times tonight and got no answer. I asked him to ring me as it was important. Again he didn't read it. I'm going to leave it for a few days and if I still haven't heard from him, I'll be going to his house and getting the stuff I left there. I wouldn't but they are expensive clothes and my favourites. I had left them there for the next time but it's looking like there may not be one.
I don't know what his plans are for this weekend. I was talking to my friend and my sister and they said that maybe because we were so close to each other for the last three weeks, then maybe he wants a weekend to himself. Who knows? 😔😔😔😔

Op I'm so sorry you have a sore heart.
I really think you should go round there with soup !!

Soup is not going to help me at all 😂 I need answers and it seems like I'm either not getting them or I'll be waiting. I think I've fucked up big time!

Oh dear this is the exact same story as last time.

Can you see the patterns yourself op?

You really need to do something different to protect yourself.

I would do anything except go and get my stuff. He might get a hello, if he was lucky but probably not.

What a shame, no wonder you're upset. I do think now that you've tried calling him a few times, messaged him a few times and his mum, it's time to admit defeat. Get your clothes and move on.

Hope you're ok.

Honey, he'd have to be very very ill to not communicate with you because he couldn't . As in hospital level of ill. He knows he's not communicating so he's doing it on purpose. If he loved you he would communicate. He isn't so illl he can't send a text. His mum is trying to not get involved and be kind.

Time to move on.💐

I don't know what his plans are for this weekend. I was talking to my friend and my sister and they said that maybe because we were so close to each other for the last three weeks, then maybe he wants a weekend to himself. Who knows? 😔😔😔😔

Seriously, please stop this. Wanting a weekend to yourself is fine. Ignoring someone you are meant to love isn't fine. He has been incredibly rude and disrespectful. He is ending this relationship and you need to accept that and move on. Stop calling him. Stop messing him. He isn't worth this.

Hes a twat of the highest order op. Get angry. Get your stuff back. Throw soup at the prick.

You're still making excuses for him and his bad behaviour. While you're doing this you're still hoping that his ignorance means something other than the fact that he has changed his mind. I really do think he has just realised this was too much too soon, I understand he instigated the fast pace but you didn't have to go with it. You don't have to wait for him to confirm that it's over, you can make that decision yourself based on his actions. send him one last message advising you will collect your things so asking him to make sure they're ready, send it to his mum if you want. Then remove your fb relationship status, unfriend him. Block his number and change your Netflix password. I know it's upsetting but after only a month you will have forgotten about him in a few weeks, send your friend or sister to get his things and leave it there. Then move on and stay single for a while rather than letting men dictate your life to you, go have fun, be independent you will meet someone who really cares when the time is right, you can't rush these things.

Are you really wondering what he is getting up to this weekend after ALL what we have said already on this thread?

Wow. Just Wow.

Time to check out this thread I think. Nothing to see here.

Good luck OP.

He sounds 100% like a narcissist. If so you are in for one hell of a lot of hurt, damage and danger. Do not go with the 'he must me too ill', it's all a device to hook you in and mess you up. Red flags a plenty here. I've been there...get out because the longer you leave it the harder it will be and when I say hard I mean hard

Don't go round there to get your clothes. Ask somebody to do it for you. This man has done a runner but is too cowardly to tell you. Delete him from all areas and move on. You have had a lucky escape.

The fact that you say he hasn't been on WhatsApp doesn't mean anything, he could have more than one number and different phones. These kinds of people do that and they go distant usually when they are playing someone else whilst setting up the scenario that they are ill and leaving you in limbo and wondering. The love bombing, the future fakery, the 'on my ex hurt me so badly, she cheated on me', the victim playing to hook you in, the paying for everything, it's all classic I'm afraid. This is his normal for him and it will get worse

If you are getting your clothes I would either text him or his mum asking to have them ready for you outside so that way you don't have to go in and see him.

I think if you went round to collect them and went in you'd actually beg him not to end things and it could get abit messy.

OR

Have your sister or friend to go and collect them for you.

I'd advise you to just cut contact now, he's not interested in you in the slightest, he's proven that.

Says it all by the fact after he knew you'd contacted his mum, he didn't even answer your phone calls, surely ( clear you dont) see that he doesn't want to talk to you

Some guys unfortunately do this after a few weeks of having an amazing time, I've already said I've had this happen a few times

The more you try and contact the more you'll come across as desperate and your clinging onto any tiny glimmer of hope - there is none

Do yourself a favour and accept that it's run its course after 6 weeks and be thankful that this didn't last longer

I have now read your other threads and it sounds nearly identical, you might not see it and put it all on him being the one who said " I love you" first and talks about the future, but it's scarily similar to your last relationship and that's very telling

Sort out someone to collect your clothes or if you can't get them left outside his house and be done with it

I really feel for you. In the past I've certainly been guilty of getting overinvested and being constantly on edge waiting for attention from a particular man.
If he loved you he would have been in touch. He's ghosting you and it's time to lick your wounds and start trying to put him behind you.

You rang him several times again op it's just embrassing, I get you want your stuff get that but then leave it well alone the lack of response off him is deafing. I agree he may of come on all full on but you went although with it then you have blown up his phone.

It is really hard sometimes to accept that you're not going to get closure and just move on, but this really is what you need to do here for your own self-respect and sanity.

YOU have not fucked up! Please stop that right now. It's ok to get excited about a new relationship when all the signs are indicating that it's going really well.

You've done nothing wrong. You've been trusting and put your faith in someone who it now seems wasn't worthy of that trust. And that fucking sucks, but it doesn't make you the bad guy here!

In my mind, the only way you could 'fuck up' now is if you start grovelling and begging him to take you back when HE is the one who's behaving appallingly. He knows you've been in touch and has even relayed messages back to you via his mum, yet he can't be bothered to text you.

Unfortunately his Whatsapp ticks and Facebook times mean very little, so if that's the only evidence you're desperately clinging to (understandably!) then you need to forget that. I had exactly the same thing happen (with the guy I've mentioned over on the 'ghosting' thread). The ticks just stopped turning blue when I messaged him, but there's no way he wasn't on Whatsapp. I didn't know about the airplane mode trick, but that must be exactly what he did. The bastards!

Oh my goodness, I have been here so many times with this!! From the perspective of age and experience (not patronising) I would say this relationship is at an end now. Not necessarily because he wants to end it but because he's left you not knowing which way is up. If he gets back in contact - all well and good but the next time he does a disappearing act (because he WILL) you'll be flung back into this anxiety.
Honestly, if it were me, I would walk away now. You've had red flags already with the over-investment from him in the relationship. Now he's shown that he can blow cold just as easily as he can blow hot.

Another point, I hope for your sake you havnt told this to your mum and cousin's!

Just arrange to get your stuff and then leave it and don't contact him again and for God sakes take some time being single !