Brave Babes - Barging through 2017 in style

[SweetLathyrus]

Hello, I'm SweetLathyrus (Sweet for short), and I've been hopping on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for three years now because, like some many of us, I struggle with alcohol.

The Bus is a supportive community at all stages in their relationship with alcohol and with lots of different goals - for some, it's abstinence, for others it's moderation, for others, it's just about getting a bit of control and perspective.

So, if you think you'd like to join us, don't be shy, flag us down and jump on board and share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with; sometimes there will be silliness, but there will always be help and support.

If you would like to know how the Bus first rattled into action, here is the first ever thread

And if you would like to know where we have been more recently, here is the most recent thread

Hello, is it ok to call you Elf ?
Is your DH a drinker too? I think drinkers often need a 'playmate' so minimise other peoples issues.

I've only been here a couple of weeks, like you I have been around for a while under different names. I have found endless support here and it's lots of fun too.

Just tell us as little or as much as you like, no judgements here. It's fantastic that you have seen the doctor and are making positive steps, really well done. One day at a time eh?

Hi Babes

Sweet it's Ronda in Spain Mexico sounds amazing, how cool is that, when do go?

Lux distract yourself as much as you can every time WW whispers, try and think or do something else. Snap my DD2 is 13 and can also do makeup better than me Enjoy dinner wearing your crown

Welcome Elf you are in the right place and will get loads of support here

Elba so glad you got a decent sleep and I hope you've had a good day

I took the dog out for a walk earlier and there was an amazing sunset - groped around for my phone and realised I'd left it at home Dropped DD2 at gymnastics and going back for her for 8, I am my daughter's chauffeur, it's so tedious

Couldn't get to sleep last night, still awake at 1am FFS. Saw the end of a road accident on the way home yesterday from DD gym. Motorbike across the road, car involved. Pulled over, daugher dialled 999 and out with my phone I ran - He was fine, had just hurt his balls as he kept saying. Don't reckon driver was insured. he kept edging to leave police had already been called, only one witness who also wanted to leave and get home. Ambulance arrived and I left them all there. I hope the witness stayed I did give call centre lady his mobile number. God I was so glad he got up from that road, bike a complete mess. So I think I must have had that all whirling round in my head & 5am Dog starts squeaking - which I know is her 'I need a shit NOW' call so into coat, boots over pjs I went!

Work quite stressful, 3 of my volunteers have resigned over the past month, they've all been honest and said it's about our staffing levels (lack of them) residents waiting for toilet for longer than acceptable, not being allowed to make them drinks if they're thirsty etc Our ratios have changed and the horizon is not looking good So I'm feeling quite shite.

Actually can someone get Barrie please.......

Elf, welcome, that was a really brave step. As Lux said, drinkers often need a buddy and resist any efforts they make to change - you may find friends do the same, or try to force alcohol on you even if haven't confided in them but have just said "not this time". So just join in - there is always someone around - sometimes you'll need support, some days you'll be able to offer it

Spanna, I go in April for a week - and I promise I didn't click on the 'tequila experience tour' on the tourist information website . The weather will be hot, the apartment has an infinity pool looking over the sea and I will have two locals as guides (my best friend and his partner),

That accident could have been so much worse, no wonder you didn't sleep. And at least you are dealing with work sober - it's a good reminder to all of us that being AF doesn't stop the world being shitty sometimes, but it does make our responses to it a whole lot easier and more rational.

Thanks for the welcome, Sweet, Spanna and Luxury. My GP said I was brave too, though I didn't feel it when I was blubbing away. But yes, it's not been easy to get to this point. (I was thinking of starting a blog with some of my tales as I journey towards recovery ... there are many!)

My DH hardly drinks but likes me to . It got a bit messed up with my libido going out the window (long story) and then him encouraging me to drink to "unwind" and I'll say "please don't buy me gin or wine" and then he'll say around 5:30pm "do you want me to buy you anything?" and round we go again...

Not blaming him but I need to find a way to set my own path and stick resolutely to it. I've drawn a huge boundary/line with him on the above mess btw (boundary setting in itself is a big deal for me) and I just told him the other day I wanted to get help. For me. Because I can't do this on my own.

Also the reason I'm here is I had some 1:1 counselling last year (am thinking of also joining the "Stately Homes" thread) and realised at least some of the reasons I have been self-medicating with alcohol. This is not to excuse the behaviour, just to say there were some (a LOT of) triggers originally.

But those "reasons" are long in the past. And now I just drink because I like it, but also hate that I like it... and I need to grow up really (I'm in my 40s).

Anyway - rambling, sorry. Thanks so much for making me welcome. I know I'm doing the right things even if I haven't got the remotest clue how this is going to work out. That's ok, isn't it? It's ok to be unsure...

Hello all. This is the closest I've come to thinking fuck it. But I won't. I promise.

Work awful. Stuck it out, thought to myself, soon be home Dubh. Soon you'll get a wee seat and a chance to breathe and reboot..

Ever wondered how many feathers are in a king size quilt? Perhaps pondered just how big an area said feathers can cover?

I know the answer to both of those questions. First hand.

I do not like the Terrorist very much at this precise moment.

Hello elf m'dear. Ignore me rantings.

I am officially crabbit but will be back and hopefully a shade sweeter later on.

I meant I'm close to having a drink btw. Not Labicide. Still love the wee shite.

Just take One Day At A Time (ODAAT)Elf Take a seat and enjoy the ride, we're not a bad bunch

Sweet 'tequila experience tour' you say Best Friend too, the setting sounds breathtaking

OH NO Dub the little minx!!!!! Soooo well done not reaching for the poison - that my lady is self control. Sorry work was so shite

Back later

spanna How lucky was that biker? To only have sore balls, it could have been catastrophic.

I remember starting out and nursing a lovely woman in her nineties. She had been a matron at a large hospital in London. She kept me right, proper old style nursing advice. She would be horrified to learn that paperwork, budgets and targets now overtake that style of nursing. Staffing levels were never an issue in her day.

I don't know how you cope my darling, it must be unbelievably hard for you.

grin] at the 'I need a shit' squeak. Bless you for making me smile, xxx

Grin fail there. Kinda apt.

Bloody hell Dubh, she is a little whatsit! But you love her, and it must be incredibly frustrating for her not to be able to run and boom about; random destruction and food are now her go to 'Lab happy place'. Well done for taking it in your stride (sort of ) In a day or two, when you are still finding feathers in inconceivable places, you will be grinning about it. work is so tough.

Elf being a grown up is over rated. Doing good things for yourself - priceless. It isn't easy but you are making huge steps towards 'getting your shit together' - ramble away.

elf welcome and well done on taking such brave steps.

dubh sorry work is so shit. Have to admit the terrorist's antics made me smile though!

spanna not surprised you couldn't sleep- seeing stuff like that will naturally shake you up, even though the outcome was thankfully ok.

I apologise in advance as not going to attempt to name check you all for fear of leaving someone out, but thank you for all the good sleep vibes and support!

A decent sleep has made a huge difference, and for the most part it's been a good day and I've actually appreciated the lack of hangover. Had lunch and a walk with a friend, did an hours vigorous cardio at the gym and my physio and a bit of work related stuff as well.

It's sort of cemented a decision I've been pondering for a while though; I think I need to drop hours at work. Think I'm going to ask to move to a 0.8 contract, which should average out 35 ish hours a week. It's a backwards move in terms of career progression and won't be popular, and I will probably need to involve occupational health in order for it to be approved. But better than being signed off, which I've come very close to more than once in the last year. I have annual leave days scattered about randomly over the next few weeks which wasn't through choice, but I'm very glad of it at the moment.

Feel a bit shit about what it says about my resilience at the moment. Lots of people manage 50+ hour weeks and juggle families etc, whereas I just have to manage myself, but there's a bit of a martyrdom culture going on and I'm getting drawn into it.

Anyway, I'm just waiting for some washing to finish and I'm off to bed, so day 9 is done. Hoping for another good sleep, although unmedicated as have an early start for work tomorrow.

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a self absorbed essay. Hope everyone's ok this evening

Welcome elf
Sounds like a tough day spanna
Dubh how many feathers ARE there?
I had to use HALT tonight to stop me hitting the bottle. I was tired from work, and hungry from bloody healthy eating and angry too. Came in and Ds appeared with the usual "What's for dinner?" before I even had my coat off. Told him, potatoes, salmon and peas and he pulled a face and said ,"So, same as yesterday then?". No, yesterday was spicy bean burgers, sweet potato wedges and mangetout so NOT THE FUCKING SAME AT ALL you ungrateful wee shite. It would be far easier for me to give you fast food and crap every night than home cook stuff....AND do the fucking dishes!
And breathe.

Wine witch has been at ALL bloody day.
No idea where this has come from 😯 I am now drinking tea and eating more fudge and hoping she fecks off soon
Hope you are all doing better

Waves Hello at UnwiseOldElf
I've recently joined the bus too and am finding it helpful to have a place to check in and have a chat when it all gets too much.
dementedma I have a DP who is much the same. One day I'm just going to serve him a tin of cat food.
Tonight I'm fighting the lure of the Gin. I was fine until half an hour ago. I'm going to try and distract myself by scrubbing the kitchen under sink cupboard.

Oh god, who said gin? Bit of a craving here. Knocking back freezing fizzy water. It will pass.

Actually, I've been sucked into old threads on MN about Penguin Pollards.

Hi, just checking in. Sorry to not NC had a busy couple of days. Not had a drink since Saturday so the dreaded day 3 here again but not feeling anywhere as bad as last week.
Had a few long chats with dp so hoping things will improve.
You are all doing so well, really fantastic and I love to read every day.
Hope everyone has a good night and a lovely sleep

Elba sorry I missed your post there. If you can cut your hours I think that's fantastic. Those who work 50 hours and have families are generally exhausted or have lots of help. We are all individual and need to do what benefits ourselves.

Got my PJs on, thinking about an early night.

Me too sweet can't keep my eyes open tonight.
Another day done

Elba well done. You are sounding much more positive.
Time for you to model the smock of smug.
It's bloody cold up here in Scotland tonight. Am in bed with hot water bottle and a mug of hot chocolate. Another day done.

Just checking in. Today has been difficult, ds was send home from school again and has been bouncing from the walls ever since.

On the other hand he spontaneously (I suggested, repeatedly ) wrote his first ever story 😎. He has refused to write until recently and he's a clever little bugger. I'm quite often torn between wanting to sell or keep him. The baby was as cute as can be , I'd forgotten about 1 yr olds- they are adorable and can't yet talk, and portable. So it' s all a bit 'tale of two cities' round mine.

I've read your posts and have been laughing along. I so admire the energy some of you babes have and the decisions being made- wow!

But I'm not going to NC because I'm bloody knackered and orf to bed. Love to all.

Oh and drinks wise I had some horrible fizzy thing, which I jazzed up by squishing a blackberry into. Was quite nice. I pretended there was gin in with it. X

Hello all, just jumping on to say hi to Elf - truly a brave babe being so honest with the gp and all. Really hope things go well for you - and look forward to seeing you on the bus.

Super busy at work so sorry for limited posts over the last few days. But all good, and at least it's keeping me a bit distracted from the WW. So yes, gulp, day 11 or whatever it is. Feels quite real now. Go us, all of us, whether we're dry, trying, side-car-ing or swinging from the chandeliers: we are all properly amazing. Yay. [erm, may have had too much sleep - uncharacteristic bursts of positivity. It's amazing what sleep can do - and sorry if that's rubbing it in to anyone not sleeping: hang in there. I was averaging 3 hours a night crappy panicky pissed sleep before Christmas - the difference two weeks later is embarrassing].

Ps - do angostura bitters count as alcohol, do you think? Just a drop or two?

Thanks ma Generally more positive today I think.

sweet meant to say Mexico sounds amazing! I definitely would of clicked on the tequila tour link, but the consequences of actually going on said tour would not be pretty!!

lux and mint hope the cravings have settled.

Also in bed with a hot water bottle. Hoping the exercise will help with sleep- would love a repeat of last night!

Night all