Craving Male Attention

[Minkii]

I am married but I have always craved male attention. I lost a lot of weight about 3 years ago (I gave up chocolate and exercised) I am flirty and funny and love attention. I know it is wrong so I do not need to be told off. I don't have any male friends who have not tested the waters with me. I have had all sorts of dalliances with men. Work colleagues, bosses, my husband's work colleagues, friends' husbands, men from POF, basically men I come across on a daily basis. Lots of men I think are happily married, the ones I think I'm safe with, that my flirty banter will just be a laugh to them, but then they change. I can see the moment it changes in their head, there's almost a loud popping noise as they realise I could do more than just smile and chat to them. I know I am sad, that my actions are wrong, but it is addictive. I have not ended any marriage, I stop before they suggest that, but a lot of them do fall. I am expecting a torrent of abuse, I get understand that, but am looking for answers, help. Have you been this woman and how did you sort yourself out? My Dad left when I was 8, not an excuse but of course that contributed. My friends think I'm out of control, that I am addicted to attention. I know that too. Thank you

Oh I know men lie to get into knickers. I prefer to be told I'm funny than sexy, any compliments are nice to hear. I like how men try different things, I like the whole game.

If you aren't sure why you are desperate for the attention from men, I doubt it will be helpful to know what other women get out of it.

If you feel that you are compelled to do this because your father left when you were young, then what are you going to do about that? Are you going to carry on with this get-out-of-jail-free card or are you going to use that knowledge to change it?

If your friends are right and they think you are addicted to the attention then what's the plan?

It does seem from the way you phrase your op that it makes you feel powerful to know that you can make men desire you when they should be faithful to their wives or girlfriends. But wtf do I know? But I suppose with a pseudo-psychiatrist hat on I suppose you are compensating for feeling powerless in lots of other ways, so work in that.

That's why I was hesitant to post but I wanted honest opinions.

I am not using my father leaving as an excuse, a get out of jail free card. I am the way I am because of me, no one else, I wanted to see if there are other women who have got out of this destructive cycle.

I also think it's a power trip. It is also very self centred. There is no problem with you playing the game, but it shouldn't be at the expense of other people's relationships. Leave your husband and leave other people's husbands - though they should know better also.

And at the risk of sounding very old, all this drama sounds very time consuming. What interesting things would you do with your life if you weren't wasting all your emotional energy fashioning yourself into a hook for else's desire?

Someone else's

Your self worth is wrapped up in what men think of you. You have as much value as they decide you have. And this will only reduce with time.

Is that really thr life you want for yourself?

Men intrigue me. How their minds work. Why married men who love their wives would risk it all for sex. I have listened to men talk lovingly about their wives and then hit on other women. Usually they want sex, affection, to feel attractive. I talk, I listen and then I should stop right there, be a friend instead but it's a nice feeling. I want to deal with that, that crossing the line that doesn't have to happen. Men and women just being friends.

I know I like men who love their wives and are great Dads. I like hearing them talk about how romantic they are and then they change. They look at me differently. This is when I should say woahhhhhhh, stop right there.

I was going to post something unkind, but instead, why do you crave the attention so much? Did the counselling previously help? Do you think more would be useful? I hope you get to the bottom of why you feel the need to behave this way.

I like the way you have spun this in your head to sound like an anthropological exercise.

It's your choice to carry on doing this. I do think you sound awfully unsure about yourself though. On the one hand you have this grand tales of messing with poeole's lives as a casual observer with all the emotional attachment of your average psychopath but on the other you seem sad an vulnerable seeking help from unknown women about your own motivation.

I'd just caution that you might not be as robust as you think and might be hurting yourself.

I know there are lots people can say that would be unkind but would be very true. I know that what I do is wrong. No excuses. No justification.

Isn't a forum like this all about asking unknown women for help, advice and guidance?

You really need to figure out why your self worth and self esteem are both in the toilet too. You do realise these men are simply using you right?

Yes, using me as I'm using them.

Sounds a bit more like you crave the one-upmanship of getting another woman's partner/husband to flirt with you and try to take it further, rather than craving male attention as such.

I'd guess your self esteem is almost non existent, and in reality you're actually not that funny or sexy and you know it, but it's nice to hear them say it anyway.

You think you're playing a game with these men but it's actually you that's being played. That moment that they look at you different - that's the moment they sensed your vulnerability and craving, and they realise "this one's going to be easy" - not the moment they've "fallen".

I think you need extensive counselling. Really intensive, and lots of it.

Monicabling thank you for the Histrionic Personality Disorder Reference. I am looking into that now. Very helpful

Yes. But, with the exception of goady fuckers, people only usually ask questions about things they are unsure of or need validation for. Sometimes people post because they want a kicking. I'm almost convinced you are the latter but I don't think that's very helpful.

OP what is the state of your marriage?

If it has not been a happy one and you can not been receiving the attention you deserve from your DH, perhaps you are seeking it elsewhere?

ChicRock, thank you for your comment. I don't think it's about them being in a relationship. I do not talk to a man with the intent of doing anything. I react to them and their level of conversation. I do not think I am Jessica Rabbit. I am not particularly attractive, fairly average so when a man says I am sexy, I find it funny and exciting. That's how I feel, I can't pretend I don't. They may not be falling, but they definitely change how they react. All about self respect and low self esteem, definitely. I am aware of how shallow and pathetic I am. Am I the only person like this, no.

I think you should end your relationship to explore the world out there guilt free.

What you're going through isnt uncommon. You'd be ideal for an affair with a married man as you have as much to lose as him.

Hope you work it all out OP

You think I posted for a kicking rather than help? Can you recommend another more suitable forum? I understand what you are saying, I posted to see if someone else has got help and changed their behaviour. I wanted to be anonymous and get opinions. I knew there would be harsh realistic ones and still posted.

No. This forum is fine. I'll leave you to it. Fwiw, I was trying to be nice.

I have been with my husband for 20 years married for 14. He has a non existent sex drive but is a loving father and a kind thoughtful man just does not show affection.