Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

2017 - following on from my bolt out the blue

999 replies

aleC4 · 01/01/2017 21:19

So here is my new thread as promised. I have found it so therapeutic writing on here and have received some great advice and support.
Here's to grabbing 2017 by the horns and making it my year.
(With maybe a few wobbles along the way!)
I can't work out how to link to my old thread on my phone!

OP posts:
aleC4 · 29/05/2017 18:46

I admire people who split and become genuine friends. I am coolly civil, always polite, for the sake of the kids, but I will never in a million years be able to be friends with him. Not because he fell out of love with me, I forgave him that years ago, but because he left three kids and didn't move heaven and earth to maintain a decent relationship with any of them.
Cary, this!
I could have written this myself.
Sherbet you derail all you like. If you need to talk on my thread that's fine by me.
Your 'd'h really sounds like he's strung it out, I feel for you. You are certainly not pathetic and weak, you are just doing what you think is the best for your family.
If he has made his decision now, you have to make him realise this is it. You won't be messed about. He is messing with your head and you can't allow him to do that.

OP posts:
Sherbetdip1 · 29/05/2017 19:32

I know i have to get tough now - just feels so unnatural to be like that with someone you love. Your best friend and partner in life suddenly becomes your enemy. It feels so - wrong?

aleC4 · 29/05/2017 19:39

Of course it does. You can't just turn off your feelings but they will change over time I promise.
He is not looking out for you so you have to.
I have just had ds messaging me from his dad's to say he is worried about dd. Apparently she has been really naughty and rude to her dad. She has been really angry and violent and told him she hates him.
He is such a lovely brother but I hate that he has to be worrying about her emotions as well as struggling with his own.
She face timed me but mentioned nothing so I haven't said anything. She has said though that she is coming home tomorrow night after her club. She was meant to stay there another night but doesn't want to. I would never force it. She is 10 and o believe that's old enough to make decisions. I'm not sure yet whether ds will come home or stay. Ironically he worries about letting his dad down. Sad
Ex has never asked to discuss the dc behaviour since he left. I don't think he dare because he doesn't want to hear the truth.

OP posts:
startingover231 · 29/05/2017 20:39

Alec. Found this and your previous thread today and spent all day dipping in and out and reading it and I couldn't just read and run! I am amazed at your strength and I think you should be so proud of yourself and how far you've come...
It's ages since I've been on mn, but I went through something very similar a few years back and the mn team were often my saviours at a time when I felt no one in rl could possibly understand what I was going through. I read your thread praying that there wasn't an OW but knowing in my heart there probably was! It's so similar to how my xh behaved when he was having an affair. For me it was 24 years of marriage, three dc, older than yours but who never the less struggled with our 'happy family' falling apart! My youngest was just about to start her gcse year, middle child had left the week before for uni! I am so glad your dc are getting support from school, sadly that wasn't my experience with my youngest, she eventually ended up taking an overdose, (just a cry for help but none the less scary at the time!)
My XH did all the classic, I'm not happy anymore, you're a great mum, there's no one else etc etc...... At one point I thought I was going mad I was so paranoid!
Then when it all came to a head and I dragged it out of him there was an other OW he had no choice but to leave!
But what I really want to say is well done! You're through the worst in many Ways!
I am three years down that road now, divorced, owning our marital home outright, ( I went for sole ownership against claiming on his pension in the future because I wanted a clean break & security. ) my children have come through the worst and survived, they even see him (& her) fairly regularly, like you I wanted them to still have their dad in their lives, even though many on here thought at the time I was being too much of a 'martyr '! I did what I felt was right for my dc.but..... they will never see him in the same light as before!
Three years later I have a fabulous new man in my life, who has made me realise my 'happy' marriage I mourned was far from that!
Please take heart that there is life after divorce, usually when you least expect it! Your dc will always remember your honesty and resilience and you can never take that away! Good luck!

aleC4 · 29/05/2017 23:15

Thanks startingover, it's nice to hear from someone a bit further down the line.
I really want to get the divorce sorted out but neither of us can really afford it so I guess we will have to wait the two years - nearly half way there.
At the beginning we both said we weren't bothered about a divorce but that was before ow was revealed. I also now feel extremely protective of what is mine. I want all traces of our marriage removed so he has no chance of ever getting his hands on anything of mine.
I know that sounds callous but I've had to fight damn hard to get a mortgage to keep this home and the thought of him getting his hands on it makes my blood boil.
Making a will is next in my list of priorities.
I'm glad you have found someone else startingover. The thought of dating at the moment feels laughable to me but I'd like to think there is a possibility in the future.

OP posts:
startingover231 · 30/05/2017 07:14

Thanks Alec, dating again was never something I wanted or even considered but it just crept up on me! I am still very wary and find it hard to trust ! I keep my independence and I now know I CAN survive on my own! I too am very protective about what is mine! Initially I didn't want to be divorced either but when the rose coloured spectacles were lifted and I realised how long he'd been lying to me for I wanted to take control.
We used a mediation service to sort out finances and I did all the divorce paperwork myself, so it did cost a little but I insisted he paid for it all! And my petty bit of revenge was to insist I divorced him for adultery and named her as co respondent! I wanted it forever on record somewhere that he was a cheat! Even if it's just locked in a dusty filing cabinet somewhere! It's amazing how being cheated on brings out the worst in people!! I knew also that he would really hate that!!
My big step in gaining control of my life was to revert back to my maiden name! No mean feat as I'd been 'mrs bloggs' longer than 'ms fred' but it felt so good to cut that tie!
I no longer recognise the man I thought I knew, I still feel very bitter towards him for destroying my children's life, even though they were older than yours.
I hope things calm down with your DD, don't lose sight of her current age and the fact that she probably has the start of hormones raging around and she may well have behaved a bit like this anyway!

aleC4 · 31/05/2017 08:07

So it turns out the big argument the other night was because dd said she only wanted to stay one night.
Apparently he went mad, counting the days and nights out in front of her saying they were spending 2 nights of the holidays with him and 7 with me.
This makes me so cross. One of the first things we agreed together and with the kids was hay nobody would ever have to go anywhere they didn 't want to and they could see the other parent whenever they wanted if possible.
Why can't he se that the reason she doesn't want to stay there is because she'd rather be here.
They still resent him and his situation so much and sometimes they just want out of it.
He went mad shouting and yelling at her and apparently dragged her out of the room when she reacted.
I hate that they go there and then they have a miserable time. I feel like it's my fault for making them go. I have tried so hard to facilitate a relationship with him for them but he is going to push hem away.
Ds had a miserable time on their big 'family' day out yesterday and was left on his own a lot of the time. Thank goodness his grandparents were there to calm the situation and give him some attention.

OP posts:
Cary2012 · 31/05/2017 09:34

Your ex moved on to his new life aleC4, and like mine and no doubt countless others was so wrapped up in his own happy bubble that he really thought the kids would be happy too, because dad was happy.

Mine did this. My three kids were teens when it happened, so thankfully there was no staying with him to negotiate. From the start they decided when and if to visit, which for our youngest lad at 13 was never, because he didn't want to see his dad in his new home with his new partner. It was simply too much for him to handle. There was, and still is a lot of anger in my son, now a strapping twenty year old. He still sees his dad at a neutral place.

I've said it before, but it might be worth repeating: there is a price men like our exes have to pay for blowing their family apart. That price is what is causing the anger in him now.

You see, the honeymoon period has worn off, and he is dealing with reality, and it isn't the rose coloured version he imagined. Your DD is angry and resentful. Too young to analyse and articulate it, she's naturally happier with mum in the family home where she feels safe. Your ex should rise above this, accept that he's the adult and accept too the blame and fallout for his actions. But that would take guts. So, like my ex he's getting angry in return. It's the easier option for them, because the alternative is too much for them to bear.

He wants to play happy families with his kids, her kids. He needs his kids to be happy round him, because it makes him feel better about his selfish choice to start again. He doesn't get that he had a happy family, and he blew it. Well he does, but he's buried that deep inside, because it's too painful to acknowledge.

Because we live with the kids day in day out, we know how hard it is for them to adjust. They didn't want this any more than we did. But because we're a close unit we forge ahead and make a different but happy home. He resents this, like my ex he feels that he should dip in and out as he chooses, because that's his right. He feels he shouldn't move heaven and earth because he's their dad, they should want to be with him for that reason alone, end of.

They gloss over their kids devastation, because to try and unravel it, and fix it would be like holding a huge mirror up, reflecting their incredibly entitled behaviour.

In a year or two your DD will decide for herself if and when and on what terms she sees her dad. He can't assume how she feels and he can't control how she reacts.

For now I would put staying with him on hold. He took a gamble when he left regarding his kids. Loved up and thinking he was in the right he mistakenly thought they'd want to be with him regardless.

Take their lead, you owe him nothing. If DD doesn't want to stay, then don't make her. He will blame you, I got blamed for DS countless times. He'll blame you because again, he can't or won't blame himself. So be it. Shrug it off, make sure your kids are ok. It isn't up to you to facilitate a relationship between your kids and their father. That's his job, and his alone.

AvocadoHand · 31/05/2017 09:59

That's awful - your poor DD. I don't know anything about the legalities, but I would be worried about sending her back there if he's being physically violent and emotionally abusive towards her.

aleC4 · 31/05/2017 22:14

Cary thanks. Your post helped me so much, you really speak sense.
We have had a lovely day today at a park with friends. The dc had loads of time playing in the sun, riding scooters, picnicking and eating ice cream.
It was a chilled day.
It was nice to see them relax and just be children.

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 31/05/2017 22:45

What disgusting behaviour from him. Your poor DD and DS, not to mention his parents. What must they think of him?

Remember, that your DC's happiness and security is key. If that means changing arrangements, them seeing less of him then that's the way to go (things can change in the future). Not to punish him, but to protect them and ensure they have the stability they need.

I'm sorry for you too. It is dreadful when we have to face the reality of who the XP actually is, as opposed to who we thought they were. In spite of all the distress to your DC at least you can be glad he's gone.

aleC4 · 02/06/2017 03:05

So I'm awake at stupid o'clock again!
We have had two lovely days together with more family time arranged for tomorrow.
But I'm lying awake worrying about them going back to their dad's tomorrow tea time.
He always picks them up at 5pm on a Friday so yesterday I made it very clear that we were sticking to the usual arrangement. I wanted to pre-empt any attempt to get extra time as it is the holidays.
Dc have been happy this week and I don't want to spoil that. I am dreading tomorrow night already - the texts and face time I get with them upset.
Hopefully ex has had time this week to look at himself and his own behaviour after the events of Monday night.
We'll see.

OP posts:
Startoftheyear2017 · 02/06/2017 07:38

It's tough hearing how you have all tried to protect your DC. I feel such shame at the horror we're about to unleash on our four gorgeous children. But at some level I know it's not me doing this, but him. He is so selfish and so angry. I have loved and cherished him for years with no clue that he felt the way he did (well what he says he did). That wasn't the life I was in. It's just a recreation of what actually happened and how we actually lived.
I hate him. The DC will hate him. He loses all my respect.
It's so raw though I know these are simply words I am typing, not necessarily how I really feel yet. It's helpful to read all your thoughtful comments, thanks.

aleC4 · 02/06/2017 13:48

So the pre going to dad's moods have started.....

OP posts:
Sherbetdip1 · 05/06/2017 20:43

How did it go alec4?

When did you guys start lifting from the emotional pain of this all? I'm week 10 down the line - all be it with a lot of messing about in the Middle - and I'm still devastated. I'm still in shock, crying, feeling low. I'm on AD's from the docs which have helped abit but I am still devastated over the loss of my husband (as I knew him - not this new man) and my future as I had planned it and having to come to terms with loosing my kids for a huge chunk of their lives. I'm gutted. And I feel like people are now thinking its dragging on abit....

aleC4 · 17/06/2017 21:56

It's another sunny weekend, another feeling of what I have lost.....
I am so much happier in so many ways but the little things still get to me sometimes.

Tonight we went to a friend's and we would have all gone as a four in the past. I handled it ok but the kids clearly found it very hard to manage.

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 17/06/2017 23:48

Yes, but these are all first time sort of things - it isn't quite a year yet is it? After the first year is over, it won't be the first time for most of these activities and you start building different memories. Some things you may not like doing without your ex - well you needn't do them then, you do what suits you all best.

I think it won't really start to feel like settling down until after you have been away on holiday - wasn't it after a summer holiday last year that he made his announcement?

Baby steps - just look at how far you have come!

yohoohoo · 06/07/2017 13:53

So Alec found myself thinking bout you today, so how's things with you?

yohoohoo · 10/07/2017 10:38

guessing all is well :)

aleC4 · 24/07/2017 07:26

@yohoohoo thanks so much for thinking of me.
Things are going well here thank you. We are on the first day of our summer holidays so looking forward to some relaxation time with the dc.
Ex has been a bit of a prat over dates he wants the dc this holiday but I have stuck to my guns and got what I wanted.
I can't believe that In a few weeks it will be a year since this all started.

OP posts:
Zofloraqueen27 · 24/07/2017 07:46

Welcome back aleC4 I have often wondered how you are, how much has happened in just one short year. You sound as if you are in control of your life now, even though I know this has been a hard time for you. Enjoy the summer break.

Startoftheyear2017 · 24/07/2017 08:16

Glad to hear you're ok Ale. I've followed your trail. We've told our kids now so they're struggling with all that brings. I want to help them but it's hard to know how to do that in the best way. There's so much resentment it boils over sometimes. But generally I'm coping and keeping steady. I often think about your posts. It helps to know someone else has got through this.

aleC4 · 24/07/2017 13:03

Sorry to hear your dc are struggling startoftheyear.
I'd like to say it gets easier for them and it really does but mine still struggle from time to time.
At home with me they are happy and life is mostly settled and we have fun.
At school they are happy but have struggled a little bit with relationships with friends.
At their dad's they are happy at times but very unsettled. They often phone/text me upset from there. Sometimes the problem is with him, sometimes ow and sometimes each other. They still have ow shoved on them at all opportunities as she is there every Friday night and Saturday morning when they are. They feel pushed out and feel as though their wants and needs are not put first.

OP posts:
Startoftheyear2017 · 24/07/2017 19:57

Thanks that's helpful. Odd isn't it how he can't see the need to prioritise the kids? It seems so obvious. How do you feel when you interact with him? And what about the ow? That all lies ahead for me.

aleC4 · 25/07/2017 09:28

To be honest it blew me away to start with, his lack of thought towards his own kids. He himself was the child of divorced parents and always blamed it on any depression/low mood he ever had. I really expected more of him as a person and a parent in that respect. He has let them down in a massive way. I guess you never really know someone as well as you think.
As for dealing with him, I do all my arrangements by text. That way I have proof of times/dates and he can't say he didn't know. I have to see him obviously and drop off/pick up times but I try to avoid speaking to him as much as possible. It is literally just the passing over of any necessary information. It doesn't bother me it hurt me to see him. I gave no feelings left for him at all other than anger and disdain.
I never see ow, she is terrified to come bear the house I think! If she is in the car when ex picks up he parks miles down the road, it's laughable really.
I have no idea what I would say to her if I came face to face with her. This is always a chance as they often shop in the local town on a Saturday morning and so do I.

OP posts: