2017 - following on from my bolt out the blue

[aleC4]

So here is my new thread as promised. I have found it so therapeutic writing on here and have received some great advice and support.
Here's to grabbing 2017 by the horns and making it my year.
(With maybe a few wobbles along the way!)
I can't work out how to link to my old thread on my phone!

Wow it's been a while since I posted!
Mil loved the picture for her birthday so it was the right decision,
Well today I finished school for another year. Time to spend 6 weeks chilling and resting. Of course I have work to do but I plan to have fun too!
The end of August will mark 3 years since exh dripped his bombshell and I've never been happier to be honest. My decree absolute will be through soon and that will be another milestone.
The dc and I are off to Tenerife in 4 weeks time and we are all looking forward to it very much.
Things have changed again in exh's life with regard jobs but it is no concern of mine as long as I still get the dc maintenance. He has tried to ask tonight for certain days in the holidays but I tried to gently explain to him that the dc are 14 and 12 now. They don't want their whole summer holiday panning out now. They make plans with their friends all the time but they are often last minute. I suggested a week by week approach and that's all I can offer.
Surprisingly he agreed. Tone honest it doesn't matter whether he agreed or not. The dc will do their own thing this holiday anyway! 😂

Glad to hear that you are happy and that things are going well!

Wow aleC4 - how far you have come. I have followed your thread since day one (funny I was just thinking about you the other evening whilst on MN - thinking you would be coming to the end of term). I have name changed recently but have been with you all the way.

Three years seem to have flown by - perhaps not for you at times. I am just so pleased you and your dc are flourishing now without your ex. I am sure he is not enjoying himself or his lifestyle as much as you all are.

You have always showed your strength and determination as a wonderful mum, although through your posts we have known when you struggled to deal with things - but you did it! Well done - enjoy Tenerife and please come back here - it is so nice to hear how you are all doing.

Lovely update...
Time is the greatest healer they say and it's true but you also need some grit and you definitely have it!
Hope you have a lovely summer

So lovely to hear your update. I too have followed you since your first post and through all the ups and downs and rubbish your ex has put you through what has shone through is your determination to put your children first and to keep on going. It is wonderful that you are now much more secure financially and that life is good for you and the children. Hope all three of you have a wonderful summer.

Have a great summer 🌞

Great to hear an update, have a fab summer and holiday !

Hard to believe that it is three years!

I'm really glad that you are happy. You've done such a good job of keeping things together for your children; it is great to know that you have won through in the end.

So tomorrow the dc go away with their dad for 6 days to the south coast. Ow and her two youngest kids are going too.
Luckily my in laws are also going which makes me feel a bit better about it.
I actually don't trust their dad sometimes to make the best decisions for his kids but I feel better knowing they are there as extra allies for my kids.
It will be the longest we have been apart since the split. I'm ok about it but I will worry about them until I know they are back safely with me.
I'm not sure how they're feeling about it to be honest. They are glad their grandparents are going. The other kids are really hard work and can make things very difficult.
At least we have our holiday to look forward to, 2 weeks today we'll just have arrived!

Hope you have some good plans for the next few days.

Thanks I do have lots of things planned.
Tonight I have been out with my parents and my best friends.
It was a lovely night and we had a really nice time.
I feel a little emotional tonight knowing I won't see my kids for another 5 days but I really hope they have a nice time.
It works be very easy to say I hope they the holiday goes wrong and is really shit but I can't think like that.
I just hope they have a nice time and manage to have an opportunity to enjoy their dad's company for a change.
I just hope that he puts them first at least on a few occasions this week.

I hope you're able to enjoy having a few days to yourself OP, you do deserve to relax. Did you get the Clean Break papers sorted.

Not sorted clean break yet, still waiting for final divorce stuff to come through. Should be any day now.
Today though I have set up Life Insurance for myself. It was something I had been meaning to do for a while and now I feel things are a bit more settled financially I've done it.
I don't want my kids to be left struggling if anything happens to me. I've already set up the Death in Service part of my pension to go to them if anything happens and this was the next step.
I've made sure the mortgage would be paid and there would be enough over for a bit of a nest egg for them.
The next step is my will which I am going to do online. It will be straight forward - everything will be left to the kids and that's it. My sisters will be named as guardians of the kids if anything happens to me and I'm the only parent left.
It all feels a bit morbid doing this but also feels like another thing I have sorted to make sure I'm doing my best for the kids.

Were going to Tenerife tomorrow! I'm so excited! Our next adventure as a team of 3! So need some down time away from reality. This time tomorrow I'll be in the bar.....

I’ve followed your thread - you are amazing! Have a wonderful holiday. Tenerife is fabulous and just what you all need.

🌞🍷🍸☀️🍷

Have a great holiday!

Loving my holiday but it's bloody hard tonight.
Everything is so geared to families with two parents. 😔

aleC4 I’ve lurked from the beginning and I’m in awe of your strength.

I’ve done the “single parent” holiday, and yes it’s hard. I got through a lot of books!

Have you got any single mum friends who could go away with you in future? I did Center Parcs with a friend and our 4 kids, and did cottages in Anglesey with a friend and her partner and boys (separate cottages/caravans) for a couple of years - it was great because her partner took all the boys fishing while she and I drank wine and chatted!
Enjoy the rest of your break. Take care

We had a lovely holiday. It was hard at times, especially when the kids argued and fell out.
Day times were fine but I always find the evenings hard on my own, it always seems to be families or big groups and it's hard not to feel lonely sometimes.
For the most part though it was great. Lovely to relax in the sun with my kindle and have a complete break from the monotony of everyday life. Getting up at 6.45 every night for a sunbed was not a highlight but needs must!
So today I got a surprise, my decree absolute came through! As of 5th September I am officially a single woman.
It feels a bit weird to be honest.
I'm a bit annoyed with myself that I don't feel ecstatic. If I'm truly honest, I've felt a bit tearful all day. I'm not sure why.
It's certainly not because I still love or want him. The thought of spending time with him makes my skin crawl.
I think it just feels a bit sad that that's it. I feel a bit like it's been confirmed that I failed to make my marriage work.
I know it wasn't my fault but it's a strange feeling.
I didn't expect to feel like this really.
Give it a few times and I'm sure I'll be fine. Dd has been bloody hard work today and that hasn't helped.

As someone who has followed you since day one (name changed once) I have always been awe of how you have dealt with your situation. Even through the difficult worrying first days (and later) you showed how strong you are - even at times when you didn’t feel strong or brave.

Please don’t regard your divorce as you having failed to make your marriage work. It was working until your ex failed you and your children. You have not done anything wrong - he did - and left you to pick up the pieces and the aftermath of his dereliction of promises he made to you.

I am sure it was a reflective moment when you received the absolute but please think of it as the last page in an old book and look forward to new happier chapters opening up for you.

You deserve much happiness anif you were my daughter I would feel rightly ly proud of you and the way you have supported your children. .

Thanks so much zoflora, I always appreciate your comments.
I have waited excitedly for this day to come for so long. I couldn't wait to officially say, that's it, I'm rid of him.
It's just now it's here I'm a bit surprised by my reaction.
I definitely do see it as the end of a journey. It's not a journey I regret. I loved him once, we had many happy years of marriage and had two great kids.
It's not even a journey I would change now. I know now I look back that the last couple of years together were not so nice. I know I am a better and stronger person without him and I know I am a better mum without him.
I love my little family so much, even when the kids drive me mad like they have tonight!
I'm ready for my new journey and have been for a long time, I think that piece of paper just caught me unawares. I didn't feel how I thought I would but I guess that's ok.

I love how people like @Zofloraqueen27 can write so eloquently. You sum it up perfectly. Honestly @aleC4 you're amazing. We all have days like this, but if you reflect on what you've achieved and how you've kept everything as stable as possible for your children you should feel incredibly proud.
I'm sitting at home alone this evening feeling a bit sorry for myself. Your post makes me recognise how we're all so similar. You know how lonely I feel. I understand how you blame yourself for the divorce. There are loads of us on MN feeling exactly the same.
Time heals. Sharing your honest thoughts on MN heals.
Your thread was amazingly important to me as I've gone through a very similar experience (give or take) to you. Your thread was the first one I read on MN.
I'm not eloquent (I wish I was) but
please know that, although we've never met, you have helped me through good days and bad.

Thank you startof, that's really kind.
It's lovely to hear my post has helped someone, and sorry to hear you've been through shitty times too.
I'm certainly upbeat more than I am down nowadays. In fact, I'd say I'm really happy.
I think getting that letter at the end of a hard week back at school when I'm absolutely knackered didn't help.
I'll make sure I don't just put on a face about this as I have so many times in the past. My friends are truly brilliant and they will be there for me. I know it will not be long before someone suggests a divorce celebration!