2017 - following on from my bolt out the blue

[aleC4]

So here is my new thread as promised. I have found it so therapeutic writing on here and have received some great advice and support.
Here's to grabbing 2017 by the horns and making it my year.
(With maybe a few wobbles along the way!)
I can't work out how to link to my old thread on my phone!

Another week and still no papers.
I don't want to give him the satisfaction of asking where they are.

Not long until you can divorce him for 2 years separation or you could serve him now based on adultery

That's true AleC - you started this thread on NYD 1017 and this is your second thread . The first one was started in August 1016. I can't remember at what point he actually left but surely 2 years will be up soon.

Don't know whether or not that makes things easier though.

Grr - 2017, not 1017 (your 2 years would definitely be up then.)

It is over 2 years now so I could do it myself.
However I have put it off partly because I can't afford it and know he won't pay half if I instigate but also partly because I suspect he wants to get married. It will make things easy if I do it for him and fund it so I'm leaving it for him to sort out.
I know that sounds a bit petty but sod it!
In other news my C25k is going well. This morning I decided to see how long I could run without stopping - I made 25 minutes. This is a massive achievement for a non-runner!

I agree to leave him to it, let him pay

Glad the exercise is going well

I agree about the cost - I divorced mine and had to pay for a solicitor. He didn't bother appointing one (just used to run up my bill by phoning mine and asking him stuff). He wanted us to do it on line, but, you know, I didn't trust him so I ended up paying. And yes, it worked in his favour - he remarried within 6 weeks of the decree absolute.

So I dare say you are right to just leave it.

Feeling a bit rubbish tonight. I don't know why, just tired end of the week blues I guess.
I haven't had a real down day for a while, lots of anger but not feeling low.
Just going to have a bottle of wine and feel sorry for myself tonight. It still catches me by surprise when I feel like this as most of the time I am so much happier than I was when ex and I were together.

Hi OP bless you. You are most definitely allowed to feel abit off. Hurt embeds deep in you. He has forced and controlled most of this so you flipping well control the divorce papers make him instigate it. Hope your wine is going down well

Sorry you are feeling blue - hope the wine was a good one.

You have been amazing through all these changes and remarkably strong. Do look back over the threads and see how you have coped.

Note also that there isn't much dissent from those who post on here. You have won approval from a stern audience.

Thanks all, feeling better this morning.
I've just been for a run and it was very therapeutic.
My first ever parkrun is 4 weeks today and I have a lot of work to do before then! Today I ran for an hour nonstop which is a massive achievement for me but I only went 3.29k. I am soooo slow!

Much love op x

You've done brilliantly. You inspire me and many others 💐

Ah thanks, not sure about that though!
Kids were shattered today and I am not happy.
They were both texting me at 10.45 last night that they couldn't get to sleep because ow and her 10 year old were having a row. Apparently they were shouting and swearing at each other and he was throwing Xbox controllers and games down the stairs.
This is really not on. There is no way they should be up at that time on a school night. Ds told his dad if it happens again he's not stopping over on a school night again.
I haven't says anything yet but if it happens again I am going to say either he sorts it or the school night visits stop.
Her kids have such different boundaries to mine. At home dd is in bed for 9, ds for 10. Phones are taken away overnight and no gadgets are used.
Her two go to bed pretty much when they like. Her ds is often playing Xbox until past midnight with a family bag if crisis and a bottle of pop. He's 10!

Well done @aleC4 I ran 3km today and proudly told everyone! 😊

That is so wrong and not acceptable, stop the school night visits

Flowerpot I am very close to doing that.
Last night was better because her kids are not there on Fridays.
I say better. By that I mean they were able to sleep.
The heating doesn't work and they were cold. Apparently someone is coming to look at the boiler on Friday but there is still only 4 radiators in the whole house.
Not essential I know but if he won't buy them more clothes they will be cold.
Again I have reiterated that they do not have to go.
Ds said last night they had tea then ow went to her room while ex ran her a bath. Dd went to her room to chat to friends/watch YouTube.
While ow had a bath, ex sat in with her and chatted then they swapped.
Then they went to bed.
Ds sat in the lounge watching a film by himself. I don't know why he bothers having them round, he doesn't spend time with them anyway.
He's a tosser. Sorry, but he is. My kids deserve better than that.
But still they keep going back because they are loyal and they don't want to upset anyone. And despite all the shit he serves up, deep down they still love him.

Sorry to hear that, AleC. At least your DC have you. And well done on the running!

Ale - that is heartbreaking. He would rather watch someone (who he sees every day) have a bath and then have an early night than watch tv with his son (and daughter) whom he only sees EOW. He is obviously only having them in order to look good to others.

I think he is waiting for them to say they won't go - and then he can act all hurt and offended and blame you for poisoning their minds against him.

Meant to ask you before - how are things now with the in-laws (out-laws)?

What a dick Im sorry but they just dont think do they!!!

Yes they will still love him no matter what as you said he is there Dad so you have to leave it with them. I can bet you know as they hit later teens 15,16 they will stop. My DH DC stopped because 1. It was boring at ours and 2. They wanted to go to their friends, sleepovers, parties etc. We see them literally 3-4 times a year now

Ds said he told him last week that if there is another night like last week he won't stay over on school nights.
Things are ok with the in laws thanks. Strained, but ok. I hardly ever see them despite living round the corner but they still see the dc every week.
We communicate mostly through email and text but we pretty much did anyway.
I think they are feeling it to be honest. They are always nice to me when we do see each other but it is a bit awkward.
I may see if mil is free for a coffee in half term on the day I don't have the kids. I can get all the goss then.

Half term at last!
My god it's been a long time coming this year!

Make sure to rest Ale - sadly my half term is over now and we are back next week which means an 8-week run up to Christmas.

Ah well - swings and roundabouts I suppose!

Will the DC be staying overnight with their father over the holiday?

We have just had an 8 weeker! Bloody hell! It was a killer. The children were so tired.
My dc are having one day and a different night with ex over the holiday. We'll see what happens.

I always find the last 7 days or so they just can't concentrate any more they are so tired - it seems worse at Christmas somehow as they get over-excited too. And that's just the staff