Hello Alec. I have been following your thread since day one and have posted here before.
I am always very interested to read how you are doing. I think you have done and are continuing to do a wonderful job of holding everything together so well and for being such a lovely caring mum.
It goes without saying but your STBXH is a complete and utter fool and waste of space.
His comments to your lovely Dd are nothing short of disgraceful. He ought to feel ashamed of himself.
I know you want to keep communication with him to the absolute minimum but I would have to send him an email “balance sheet” showing how much he actually gives you and where it goes. Include ALL expenses I.e. food, clothing, uniforms, school trips, Club subs, entertainment, mortgage, utilities (he wants his children well fed, clean and warm surely.). I would then total your childrens’ costs up and divide it into 30 day’s in the month and show him exactly how much it costs and how much PER DAY he is contributing towards his childrens’ expenses.
I can only begin to understand how difficult the past two years have been for you but you have done so very well, just read back to your earlier posts and you will see how far you have come.
On your point of reigning in your spending. I had to take a serious view of our finances after a dreadful situation we faced some eight years ago. I looked at the amount of stuff we frivolously bought and thought of the long hard hours I had not only gone out to work, but getting up at 5.30am to start my day to earn the money to buy it, but also of the long hard hours I worked looking after the home . It really made me think. I no longer buy on impulse and make do (and mend). Try it - you will be greatly surprised at how much you can really save by adopting the “do I NEED this thing or do I just want it”.
Encourage your children to start thinking like this too and have an aim in mind - say a little holiday next year, and you will all see the improvement in your finances. Keep going Alec you’re doing a great job. If you were my daughter I would be so proud of you.