OW

[namechangeforobviousreasonss]

Ok so I'm the other woman

Yes I know it's wrong, yes I've been cheated on in the past and yes I know I'm the awful person all women hate..I'm not looking for acceptance but I figured the amount of women on this forum surely someone else has been the OW? How did it turn out?

Well done OP. That's the two fingered tap dance. Right there. (sort of like the snoopy dance but whilst flicking the v sign)

And have yourself a great 2017. A good year is waiting for you. X

I haven't led a perfect life, but I'd like to think I haven't done anything quite as bad as having an affair with some poor woman's husband whilst she was pregnant, and with a newborn.

The only person who put me in the situation was me. The only person who put yourself in that situation was you. I wouldn't have had a relationship with a man with a newborn however derelict I was; that is just unspeakable.

It's a shame that you've seen fit to post your implausible nonsense on a board where there are people genuinely hurting as a result of OW and the cheating spouses involved. Perhaps read your posts back and see if you can pick up on the disingenuous claptrap for yourself?

Take your little merry man - sorry, man to some self-congratulatory PMs perhaps, just to keep you occupied until OM decides to honour you with his whatever.

I won't post back to you now; hopefully any new posters will read the posts and make the connections for themselves, job done.

Certainly not perfect. Have managed to go 36 without fucking someone else's husband. I think I'm doing ok.

36 years*

"those in the wrong what do you suggest we do...send them all to Alcatraz? I commend all of the pp that have indeed led a perfect life with no mistakes that have a clear conscience over everything."

Now come on. You must know that's a ridiculous thing to say when the 'correct' advice for someone in your position is straight talking.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with insinuations about other people being 'perfect' or what is or isn't on their conscience. It's all about you. And about getting the bad stuff out of your life.

Now, sniping at people is probably not as immediate a problem as finding the resolve to recover a set of morals with which you are happy to live your life by. But is probably worth attention in due course.

Why do I say that? Because I'm perfect? Hell no. It's because sniping (when I'm down, frustrated or angry) is one of my besetting sins, I'm still not fully on top of it, but I know the harm it has caused me. So that is why I say it to you. So you can change - if you want to, of course - before that causes problems in itself.

jeaux90 the ow is equally as bad if they are aware of the other party especially if a young family are involved. Both the man and woman are at fault.

Op I'm glad you have taken on board the comments.

FWIW, Lying is one of the most supportive posters towards people in shitty situations

This just sounds like a load of ole cobblers to me

You do however need to reread your posts many of these ladies have been in such situations of their dh cheating and you seemed to only look at your feelings without considering the impact on your actions on his wife and child.

Under sorry we have to disagree there. Having been horribly cheated on the only person I held culpable is my ex. He cheated on me, not the OW. They are not equally to blame in my mind.

Underthemoonlight yes you are right I wasn't looking at his wife's feelings their child or anyone else yes you are right it was a 100% selfish act on my part I will hold my hands up to that. I am well aware I was in the wrong but does that make it better or worse...neither in my opinion. I did it, it was wrong but then I sought help support and advice from ladies on MN all of which are entitled to give me their own opinion and perspective on the situation. I could have gone do you know what I don't agree with any of you, two fingers up I'm carrying on this affair because what do I have to lose? But I didn't I read all of your posts and thought about exactly what you all were saying opening my mind up to see 'the other side'

I was once the other woman.. but I didn't know I was. We met online and turned out he was engaged to another woman - I had absolutely no idea and was physically sick when I found out and cried my eyes out when his fiancé phoned me. She forgave me on the spot (nice woman) as I clearly had no idea. She also gave him a second chance but it didn't last. So yes, I have unwittingly been the OW. And I felt horrendous even though there was no way I could have known. So you must be a pretty shitty person with no respect for yourself or her.

OP I rarely criticise on posts preferring to be constructive or I just lurk.

However I'm shocked at your 'I knew there was a degree of what I was doing was wrong' comment. You must know getting involved with a MM with a baby is a bit more than a degree of wrong surely.

I would say a lot of OW try not to think about it at all, or feel guilty or don't give a fuck. A degree of wrong doesn't sit right.

If you have ended it well done. I agree it seems a bit convenient to post, not even thinking it's too wrong, then see the light and end it. I suppose it's possible you posted because you were considering ending it and the kicking made your mind up.

So posting on MN has made you think about his wife and child when you hadn't thought of them before.

Like I said before flower I knew it was wrong I guess I needed a reality check or help tapping into my conscience or something?
As for unknowingly being the OW being of sound confident mind is a very much different situation that I was in. Abused, all time low, lonely and scared he offered me help support and protection all of which I thought I needed/wanted. That doesn't make it any less excusable it just emphasis the point of my seek for help.

I think it's entirely reasonable that OP has had her mind changed by posting on here. Any of us, when doing something we shouldn't, lie to ourselves or push it out of our minds.
To be confronted with how wrong it is and how hurtful to his wife could well have knocked some sense into her.
I hope you're genuine OP, and can move on and find happiness yourself.

My sister had an affair with a mm. She too had just come out of a bad relationship. He had 4 dc and his wife was pregnant with their 5th!! Dsis and he are still together some 12 years later (am close to them both but will never feel comfortable with what they've done). The biggest casualties have been his dc. Basically, they are all now unhappy fucked up young adults, all going down bad paths in life, which I truly believe is as a result of their father's infidelity and their mother's complete ongoing hatred for my sister - affairs wreck lives and 9 times out if 10 it's the innocent ones who never asked for it! Hold your head up high op, walk away and be proud of yourself that you won't ever let it get that far!!

Thank you SVJAA and mychocolate. I had contemplated posting this a while back but didn't, I don't know why, scared? Not ready for the truth? Coward? Point is ive taken on board what I sought to get, it's the cold hard truth that made me evaluate this and stop it.

I hope you can walk away and move forward OP, lesson learned.

I had this happen to me, the OW was a friend of ours and would come and chat to both of us. I was working full time, 2 teenage children (b and g) and he was running his own self employment business. Evenings and weekends I had to devote my time to doing invoices and generally managing the financial side of 'his' business. Our poor kids. Anyway, he would be off to the pub every single night about 7, generally he wasn't home before I had to go to bed. I started work at 8am and had to get kids sorted before I left for work. I have no idea even now 14yrs later what time he opened up for work. The crisis came when he needed extra help in the business, and guess what, the OW was the one he chose to help him. Eventually, the help progressed to other things and they went on holiday together, amongst evenings out etc., whilst I was at work, for a week. I didnt know about this, until I arrived home and found the suitcases gone. As time went on their relationship developed and he was stopping out all night. I began to make plans to leave and get legal advice. I divorced him, made myself a new life and very happy. OW, after a few years left him, took loads of money and now he lives a lonely sad life. Karma comes round. But the hurt, hate, heartbreak and utter devastation the OW causes is indescribable.