OW

[namechangeforobviousreasonss]

Ok so I'm the other woman

Yes I know it's wrong, yes I've been cheated on in the past and yes I know I'm the awful person all women hate..I'm not looking for acceptance but I figured the amount of women on this forum surely someone else has been the OW? How did it turn out?

Thank you everyone. I will cut him off completely. You honestly have helped me so much harsh words and all. I've seen the bigger picture of it all rather than solely focusing on his attention to me right now which is what I was doing. It's sounds stupid but I knew it was wrong but couldn't really quantify the severity of the actual situation

OP - i was in your position. In my experience, it was a desperate attempt to leave an extremely unhappy, EA marriage.

Of course I knew it was wrong. By that stage I was an unconfident wreck. Couldn't leave (a bit like telling someone who is depressed to 'snap out of it' ) - despite continually trying. Ex H threatened suicide / sneered / said he'd take the children etc if I did. When your confidence is rock bottom, you believe all of that.

On top of that i had immense guilt about the affair. Immense, to the point I felt worthless.

I'd never have posted on here to get even more of a kicking - I think it would have finished me off. As a previous poster said, it is rarely without huge amounts of guilt!

I did a terrible thing to my ExH and will pay the price of guilt for the rest of my life. He discovered the affair, and my world (and his) collapsed. I would (and did!) have done anything to make it better - I became a prisoner in the house while he sneered and told everyone. I slept with him on demand because "you don't get to call any of the shots from now on" and was allowed out for work only.

Fortunately 5 years on, we are friends for the same of the children, and ok - but not together. He has a new - ish partner and I am with the OM and happy. During our affair, his wife left him for someone else - so that minimised the guilt from that end.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it isn't as simple as "all OW are evil" - there is often a lot behind the scenes.

That doesn't make it right - far from it - but if you take anything from this OP, it would be that the guilt never, ever leaves. 4 rounds of counselling and 5 years later - it's still there!

Take care.

He has a new born, did you come on here expecting justification for both your atrocious behaviour?

I detest cheats.

Ok leave her alone now. She has said she will break it off and has had clarity from everyone's posts. not one in favour so high-five to MNs.

It's hard, she's single, lonely and a bit of affection to a woman in this position goes a very long way for a man intent on getting into her pants. Like the predators who come sniffing around a woman in the process of a break up or divorce, they bloody know they have more chance then.

I would never ever be the other woman. I respect women too much to do that. the man is a pig and you're not much better.

I would never ever be the other woman. I respect women too much to do that. the man is a pig and you're not much better.

Thank you Fancie.
Yes I am breaking it off tonight. Delete block and out of it.

Good luck OP. Ignore the haters.

Xxx

She deserves the hate what did she expect people to say a lot of MN betters have experienced first hand the pain caused when your partner has an affair and the fact this poor lady has a newborn and she knew this. Her being on her own single and with a child lonely is no excuse I've been a single
mother I didn't go after other woman's partners. Ravioli I hope your doing ok

"that had a dear friend that chose to help me through it all then we developed feelings for each other".

He was never your dear friend.
You may realise that when it all pans out.

I was the other woman, very very briefly..about a week in fact. We had been friends for a while, I knew he had been with someone but he told me they were no longer in a relationship.
I didn't know I was the Ow and when I found out she was pregnant I ended it, immediately..he actually thought it would be ok and I'd continue a relationship with him!

Why would I accept crumbs and by my actions hurt another woman? I felt disgusting and used. I never spoke to the guy again ever.
I don't really understand what you want from this thread op.

Good luck with dumping him. Cut him out entirely, he was never your friend and never will be. His only interest in you was for sex.

For the future, look at why you were so vulnerable to selling yourself short with a man like that. Did you see an attached man as 'safe' in the sense that it was only a pretend relationship with no ties therefore no risk of repeating the abuse that went on in your previous relationship?

Is it that your self esteem is so low that you believe you couldn't get or don't deserve anyone truly decent?

Or that you're so lonely that you'll settle for attention from anyone?

Address those issues before you start seeing anybody else. If you're going to find anybody worthy of you and positive for your family you need to be able to recognise who is a good catch and who to turn away.

Well I messaged him last night, explaining I wanted to go into the new year as a fresh start for me and DC. That I need time to heal from the past year and all my emotional efforts need to be directed to myself and DC. He said that's fine wished me the best and to know he's always there if I need him.
I was wary of creating a 'sob story' for myself by saying/admitting yes my confidence and self esteem is at an all time low, who wants the remains of an abusive relationship? I didn't feel like I was little worth to him because he's the crumbs of his affection was more than I'd experienced in a very long time to blindly fell for it.
But as pp has expressed no excuses for being the OW and the (rightly so) backlash I've received I didn't want anything against me leaving a DV relationship, because that is actually something I'm proud of.
Thank you to everyone's comments like I said before I could only see the 'relationship 'from a very narrow pointed view and now I see the whole picture I don't want to be that person/in that situation.

Once, when I was 19. It's my biggest regret and I'm desperately ashamed.

I think you need to viee this objectively.

This man is 'helping' a vulnerable woman (you) through the fallout of an abusive relationship. He sweet talks a vulnerable woman into needing. While his wife is pregnant, given birth and looking after a newborn, he is spending time develooing s relationship with someone else so he can get in her pants.

He is fucking over 2 vulnerable women. He is spending time and attention on you when he should be at home helping his wife and spending time with his child. Instaed his wife is the babysitter so he can go get his ego stroked by you.

In short he is emotionally abusing 2 vulnerable women and ignoring his child. Why would you want him anywhere near your kids?

And he has promised you that you will get no more from him.

Remember this if you ever wobble. Cut contact, dont ever turn to him for help. He will take advantage.

I wonder if Iwashappy has had a particularly dull New Year's?

Well done OP,

Now block, no contact and don't look back. There are much better men for you to meet.

Agree, WellWhoKnew, imagine... just two days in posting and the OP has seen the error of her ways based on the power of this thread. Amazing.

Hope all's good with you now - or getting there.

I'm not Iwashappy. Apologies for not taking longer and causing more damage?? If that would be more preferable and accepting?

Oh bog off.

God yeah. I wonder what happened to IWH.

Underthemoon I have experienced this too. Cheated on whilst pregnant and with a new born. Abused by him too. My hate was directed at my ex p not women like the poster. He was responsible for what he did, no one else.

Well done OP. I truly hope this year is a good one for you xxx

Jeaux90 thank you for all of your lovely posts. It's Ones like that that have helped me rather than just snide comments with no substance.
I wish you a very happy 2017 xxx

I'll give you some substance OP. I was an OW myself, although younger than you, single and with no children. The only reason I'm telling you that is because your posts don't ring true for me. You enjoy his company, affection. You say that you've not slept together but that you've fallen for each other. He's getting something from you and you had no intention of stopping (from your posts) so I don't believe a word of your posts saying that you're stopping.

Nothing has changed in your life, only that you've posted here and been told how wrong it is. I don't believe you've been told anything you didn't already know and you still were hard-nosed enough to carry on when he has a newborn so no, nothing that anybody has said will have made a blind bit of difference to you.

You can blow smoke up posters' arses all you want but you just come across as needing attention because you can't be in touch with this man over Christmas/New Year. Sad and pathetic.

That's sad lying that you think everyone is the same as yourself once put in a situation you have been in. Regardless of contributing factors. I don't need to impress anyone or blow smoke up anyones arses at all, this is an anonymous forum with no affect on my outside life!
Of course I knew there was a degree of what I was doing was wrong but my head was so fuzzy with all the things going on in my life I couldn't see the clarity of all the factors. Hence why I posted in the first place.
What a tragic world this would be if everyone was only willing to help the innocent party, as for the accused and those in the wrong what do you suggest we do...send them all to Alcatraz? I commend all of the pp that have indeed led a perfect life with no mistakes that have a clear conscience over everything.