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Original poster

New bf hasn't wished me happy Xmas

182 replies

Lonelyatxmas · 25/12/2016 18:37

We've been dating for about eight weeks. Had a bit of a blip when he found out I'd kissed someone else between our first and second date and he backed off after having initially come on strong.

I explained that it was a huge mistake and we got through it and are still seeing each other. I realised how much I like him and was massively relieved.

Had a lovely chat Thursday then I whatsapped him yesterday to wish him a happy Xmas but no reply. I'm a bit hurt. Should I forget about him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelyatxmas · 26/12/2016 20:55

The only genuine reason I can think of is that he is prone to bouts of insecurity and his mum is a bit neurotic (his words not mine) and his father is NC. So Xmas is a bit of a nightmare all around. That said though, as a grown man I think that blanking me over Xmas is still pretty poor form. But maybe I'm being harsh.

OP posts:
fallenempires · 26/12/2016 21:12

No you"re not being harsh at all.He is a grown man as you've said.Don't make excuses for him although I can fully appreciate that you're trying to find some good in there somehow.That's what all decent people like yourself do OP.

TokenGinger · 26/12/2016 21:17

Last year, I text my (now ex) boyfriend a merry Christmas and he read and didn't reply.

His excuse hours later was, he doesn't believe of conforming to society's expectation to celebrate a day and therefore should not have to wish me a merry Christmas if he wasn't celebrating.

I explained my best friend is muslim, doesn't celebrate Christmas and still wished me a merry Christmas because she knew the celebration was important to me.

Not the same thing you're experiencing, but just another example of somebody being an arse about something that's so simple to text and takes 10 seconds to do x

Kr1stina · 26/12/2016 21:20

I'm insecure and my mother was a narc. But I've still managed to work out how to text Hmm

Original poster
Lonelyatxmas · 26/12/2016 21:22

Yes. It's utterly immature and shit of him. It's just hard to not find excuses because I really did like him. But lovely people of mumsnet are helping me see straight Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelyatxmas · 26/12/2016 21:25

OMG! He just texted! Says it's been a difficult Xmas this year and that he didn't want to spoil it for me.
And that he's been thinking about things and trying to find a way forward.
Doesn't sound good right?

OP posts:
Hellooooitsme · 26/12/2016 21:26

Was he tight op? I'm wondering if all these men who disappear around Christmas are trying to avoid buying a present. Beware he might turn up for a shag in the new year.

Dizzybintess · 26/12/2016 21:28

That sounds like a pretty shitty text to me 😢

Original poster
Lonelyatxmas · 26/12/2016 21:29

No not at all tight. Took me out to nice restaurants and not slow to pull out his wallet.
But he didn't get me a pressie. Or even a card.
Or even an Xmas text!!!

OP posts:
PussInCoutts · 26/12/2016 21:30

Sounds like an excuse. I fail to see how texting you back would have 'spoilt' Christmas for you. If anything, his blanking you managed to ruin your Christmas to some extent...

Selfish, troubled manchild. Reminds me of the Woody Allen wannabe I dated. It's so sad when people don't know how to love. Thankfully we do not have the obligation to carry on being with them. Flowers

Original poster
Lonelyatxmas · 26/12/2016 21:32

Selfish, troubled manchild.

YY

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 26/12/2016 21:33

Huh?

Lucky escape op. The amount of hassle you've had in just a short while when it should all be fab and easy is alarming. Definitely not worry even thinking about it. Tell him it's over and enjoy the rest of the festivities.

BigApple11 · 26/12/2016 21:33

I hope you're going to ignore him OP!

fallenempires · 26/12/2016 21:36

Remember what I said about proceeding with caution!I do hope that you are still firmly sat on those hands!

soontobeamum1982 · 26/12/2016 21:36

Where is he for xmas? Rural location with family that might have terrible 4G? If not, that is a bit lame. I would wait for him to make the next contact (realise that's very, very hard).

Lots of people are saying it should be fun at 8 weeks etc. They are right in theory, but in my experience if you really like someone this stage is the absolutely worst. The first three dates are fantastic, as it being for someone over a year. The rest of that first year? Disruptive, stressful, generally hellish. I'm someone who likes to know exactly where I stand and I'm not very good with letting things go with the flow (control freak!) It sounds like you're a similar personality type. Don't feel bad about it, but worth explaining to him that his non contact made you feel crappy.

springydaffs · 26/12/2016 21:39

Blimey, it's all a bit high drama, no?

From both of you tbh re you're thinking of dumping him before finding out the reason. Yy it's tough to not hear from him on christmas day, I get that, but hold on a bit and wait?

madgingermunchkin · 26/12/2016 21:40

I also got ghosted over Christmas so I know exactly how you feel.

I'm swearing off dating.

fallenempires · 26/12/2016 21:40

Oh & Xmas has been hard for many many people.If Xmas represented some kind of sad memory or anniversary in his life then he should have told you that he was going dark for a few days to deal with it....not let you sit & wonder!Not the kind of thing that you do to those you care about!

Cricrichan · 26/12/2016 21:43

He didn't want to spoil it for the op? That's bull. If he'd texted her happy Christmas then he wouldn't have spoiled it. By not sending a simple text, it's done the opposite.

Expellibramus · 26/12/2016 21:43

I would be tempted to say 'I really liked you and thought we were having a great time but not sure what could need 'working through' after only eight weeks. So it seems like this isn't going anywhere. Best wishes for the new year'.

fallenempires · 26/12/2016 22:01

Expel nah as it makes her look bothered & these type enjoy that it gives them an ego boost.

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2016 22:07

I bet there's someone else and he's trying to decide who he likes best.

It must make life so difficult for him!

iloveruby · 26/12/2016 22:09

Thinking about things and trying to find a way forward?? What on earth does that mean? He better not be going on about that bloody kiss!

Honestly, it all sounds too much like hard work. Sack him off and see in the new year with wonderful friends who don't emotionally manipulate you. That would probably be the best start for 2017 you could give yourself.

BaDumShh · 26/12/2016 22:21

OP, as others have said, you really did nothing wrong by kissing someone else after one date. Until you have the conversation where you decide to be exclusive, everything is fair game. It's not your problem he'd been "in love" with you for a year. The fact that he has spent the last month or so making you feel terrible for kissing someone when you were single and completely at liberty to kiss whoever you wanted is ringing massive warning bells.

And his text about "moving forward" is also alarming. He's talking like you've been married for 10 years, not dating for a few short weeks! This relationship will be nothing but drama from hereon in. Cut your losses.

springydaffs · 26/12/2016 22:24

Well put, BaDum