OH went out last night and came back at 9am this morning

[Sarahjane1994]

My OH went on a works do last night. He went out at 9pm yesterday and didn't come home till 9am this morning. I was whatsapping him from 6am asking where he was and he was reading the messages but not replying. He came home and has gone straight to bed. I had so much planned for today (we have a 1 year old and he has a 7 year old that I was taking care of all yesterday btw) and now he's sleeping off his hangover and won't speak to me. I opened his xmas present that I saved up for ages for and chucked it on the bed next to him and said 'merry christmas' but he didn't even look he just threw it on the floor.

His 7 year old has gone home now and my 1 year old is having a nap. I keep getting upset and I just know it's going to be the worst christmas ever.

I don't know how to react. It's not the first time he's done this. Ive gone mad at him before and it never works he still does it.
If I go out which is very rare he interrogates me about other men etc. I wouldn't dare stay out, he would literally be accusing me of all sorts now if I pulled a stunt like that.

What are your thoughts on this situation please?

Thanks and happy xmas eve x

I've just got out of a relationship like this. A man that strangle their partner is 10 times more likely to kill them OP. Please get help and you can do it. The system is there to help women and children like us.

Police. I have known women in your situation. Some were lucky enough to survive, some not so. Might sound dramatic but it's true. Grabbing your throat? Jesus Christ leave now and don't look back. You have all the support in the world here x

Yes, call the police, tell them he has physically abused you (he has), that he has criminal convictions and that you are scared for yours and your daughter's safety. Tell them you have a hotel booked for tonight. Tell them everything.

Good luck, this is the beginning of a better life for you and your baby.

Call the police. Tell them you are leaving your violent partner and he has taken your child and made threats.

"People are asking you to leave OP. Can you afford to with a 1 year old?"

Can she afford to die? Or to live in fear? Or to ruin her daughter's life?

And yes, call the police. He can't just lock himself with your daughter to force you to stay.

Good luck OP. Keep us updated.

Get your car sorted with everything you need to take and ring police. Tell them you want to leave because he is violent and he has locked himself in your room and won't give you your daughter and you are afraid.
With a bit of luck he will kick off and they will make him leave. If not he will be arrested. Don't let him back in and get an injunction to keep him away.
He is a violent arsehole who will make you and your daughters life miserable if you let him. Get rid of him before he wrecks you career.

Police. Tell them about the historical grabbing you by the throat and other stuff mentioned up there. Grabbing you by the throat is a red flag for those that go on to murder their partners so you really do need to act now. And he has form. Proper official in jail form.

OP, do you have any RL friends or family you can call, if you think police would be OTT in the first instance? Get someone there with you, explain calmly that you don't want to spend Christmas with him and you're taking DD elsewhere. If he kicks off or tries to stop you, call 999.

His previous conviction is in your favour at the moment, OP, you won't have to do much convincing with the police.

Call the police OP. This is the most dangerous time for you. Women get killed trying to leave. Previous strangulation is a massive indicator of this. He's already grabbed your throat, and told you that he won't let you move on. Listen to what he's told you.

Hope you get out safely ASAP op. Remember the police will help you

You say you'd never let him be violent with your DD as you'd be straight out and go to the police.

But wasn't there a time where you'd have genuinely thought "I would never stay in a relationship with someone who was physically abusive to me, I'd leave the first time they did it". I bet you did think that.

Yet you're now in that relationship, making all the excuses under the sun for him. Every time he does something to disrespect or abuse you, you shift your "bottom line" further down and stay with him.

If you don't get out with your DD, you'll do the same when he starts abusing your daughter; excusing it, making allowances for him, telling your DD not to do normal child things in case he kicks off... Condoning his behaviour, basically.

Please demand better for both yourself and her.

You have extremely low standards OP. Get out and work out why.

Might have already been said but I read recently that choking/pinning down by throat has been classed as a massive red flag by DV organisations for DV that is more likely to turn fatal. Please leave this man ASAP. It will be hard but you deserve so much more, and so does your daughter. I don't mean to guilt you but you need to think that your relationship will define so much her perception of what is 'normal' in a relationship and will influence her for the rest of her life. If you stay with this man you risk your own life and your daughter's as well. Leave and never ever look back. You can do this, but you need support. Do you have anywhere else you can go tonight?

I agree with the others.

Tell them you are terrified of him. Tell them you need him out of the house but he will kick off and he's been in prison for it before. Tell them you were trying to leave but he's now locked himself in the bedroom with your DD.

It's sometimes hard to see just how bad it is when you're in the middle of it. But listen to what we are saying. It is bad and you need the police to help you.

Get HIM out. It's YOUR house.

OP I just read further that you are planning to leave, well done babe! Please do it safely and get support. Call the police and don't feel like you are making a fuss, demand help. You and your daughter are worth so much more. Keep us updated. Best of luck chick! X

Do NOT poke the bear & attempt to run with DD. Ring the police.

I agree with the others saying ring the police. Leaving is the most dangerous time with men like this. If you can get you and your DD away safely you will be giving her the best Christmas present she could wish for!!

Call the police.

'I'm trying to leave my abusive partner and he has taken our daughter and shut her away with him. He has been jailed in the past and I'm very afraid of what he might do. Please come NOW.'

And they will, with his past record.

actually think keptonRaining is right, it's probable you can't do anything now that won't end in violence so you will need the police to help you now. I did think maybe you could trick him but actually that is too risky. His language is fear and violence.

I would call the police, tell them he isn't letting you take your daughter. He will deny it but you can tell them how he has hurt you in the past.

That is no environment to bring a child up especially for her safety! You need to get out and have a talk with him when his is calm that is bang out of order when he has responsibilities like Children!!!