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Original poster

Upset about Husband's Christmas present choice.

159 replies

Mumofboys123 · 22/12/2016 14:02

Hi all,

I know this is going to sound really ungrateful so I want to preface this by saying I am totally not an ungrateful person at all. I don't generally expect gifts or get upset over things such as this.

Basically my partner and I have had a really bad year. We've come close to splitting up because of his selfishness, porn problems and other issues.

Recently he started talking about this present he was going to get us to do together, something I would love. He also told my mum who was saying how amazing and thoughtful a gift it would be. A couple of days ago I opened up our computer and there were loads of tabs open looking at flights and hotels to Iceland, so I was really excited and touched he would be so thoughful.

He has always been very anti going to Iceland, despite it being one of my dream holiday destinations. I thought he was going to surprise me with this grand and totally unselfish gesture.

Anyway he text me earlier saying he had bought my present and I was so excited. Just now I logged into our joint email address and there was an email from a company saying he had bought some straighteners.

So now I know that Iceland isn't happening and instead he has bought me straighteners that I need because my previous ones are broken, but I can't help feeling gutted.

Like I said I am totally not a selfish person and I realise this post may come across as bratty. It's just that I built my expectation up to be getting something truly wonderful and thoughtful to make up for all the crap he's put us through as a couple this year and I cant help but feel gutted.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 27/12/2016 10:45

He brought her to the supermarket.

tiej · 27/12/2016 14:51

I reckon the OP's under arrest for attempted murder.

Original poster
Mumofboys123 · 28/12/2016 18:21

I am so sorry for keeping you all in suspense, I didn't realise that there were so many people following the thread! We had a very busy Christmas and then we all got ill so it's been a little crazy.

Anyway, what actually happened on a Christmas Day. So we all opened our presents and OH had got me the aforementioned straighteners and a recipe book. No sign of Iceland.

My mum being the very forward woman that she is, started saying 'oh haven't you got one more gift for her?' 'Isn't there anything else?' All were met with awkward glances and tumble weed.

Later on Christmas Day, OH pulled me to one side and told me he had been planning to book Iceland but wasn't able to due to needing a credit card to book a hire car. We currently don't have a credit card and you need to place a deposit on one for a car.

I must say I was not impressed with this excuse in the slightest:

  1. We don't need a hire car, it would be far better to do trips pre arranged with the hotel. (All of my family told him this too).
  1. If this was the case with the hire car, why not research it before annoucing it to everyone that he was taking me? He even told my sister, grandma and brother-in-law.
  1. He could've booked at least something, even just flights or hotel. Or even wrapped up an Iceland guidebook to show good intentions for us to go. Anything!

All day I had different relatives asking me about this 'trip to Iceland' and each time I had to tell them it wasn't happening and explain why. That was the worst bit having to explain to everyone that he hadn't booked it, because he went around and told them all.

OP posts:
Helloitsmeee · 28/12/2016 18:25

Oh dear. How did you react? What would he do/say if you told him not to bother with the hire car, you would like to go anyway?

lucymeadows · 28/12/2016 18:39

All sounds very tragic. Perhaps you need to be somebody who makes you happy. A trip to Iceland, if that's what you wanted, is what your husband should have got you for Christmas. Hair straighteners are a teenage girls present and in my house would be classed as household sundries not your main Christmas present.

rollonthesummer · 28/12/2016 18:50

What did you say to him when he told you all this?

FetchezLaVache · 28/12/2016 18:50

Oh, I think that's piss poor of him. I imagine the sympathy/concern/embarrassment of your entire family as the realisation hit was probably worse than the disappointment. It really is a shit excuse too!

Giselaw · 28/12/2016 18:54

Fucking inconsiderate wanker. He went around to everyone wanting to be the big star who does something amazing. Gave absolutely no two
Shits about you and your feelings. I couldn't excuse this.

Naicehamshop · 28/12/2016 18:55

Ok - it's not too late!! He can still get his (lazy) finger out and arrange it now, complete with trips organized by the hotel.

Don't let him get out of this op!

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 28/12/2016 18:57

I'm sure this story is no consolation but...in the run up to my 40th my (now) exH intimated he had booked something special. Birthday came and went without the slightest hint of anything special and I was disappointed (understatement). A couple of days later he announced that he had been going to book us a weekend away but didn't because he thought I seemed too busy (I wasn't). I'd deliberately not made plans with my family thinking he'd planned a surprise. I was pretty gutted.

You have ALL my sympathy OP.

Giselaw · 28/12/2016 19:01

Er, I think the entire point is him making effort to do something selfless to show how much he values and appreciated the OP. Cornering him to do it or going on your own Isn't the bloody point. It was the thought that counted and he showed the OP exactly what he thought Sad

IronNeonClasp · 28/12/2016 19:25

Jesus Christ. I didn't even receive a gift this Christmas from 'DH'. Straightners would have been cool!

Perspective.

Newbrummie · 28/12/2016 19:29

It's not about the present Iron, he's lied to her entire family !

IronNeonClasp · 28/12/2016 19:33
Biscuit
ProphetOfDoom · 28/12/2016 19:34

That's sad & disappointing OP. I suspect he had good intentions, liked the idea of the grand gesture which is why he told everyone but as soon as obstacles were presented he gave up - despite there being ways and means round it, as you pointed out, leaving him looking all mouth and a disappointment not only to you but to your whole family. He's not very bright then, is he? Hmm

That said it depends on how much weight you attach to this balls up and only you can decide. For instance, it would be a matter of seconds to sit down with him in front of the computer and book the trip together. But your posts also suggest other issues so I wouldn't want my suggestion to appear glib.

Hope you get to see Iceland OP - it's on my wish list.

clumsyduck · 28/12/2016 19:39

Yeh sounds like he wanted to appear as making a grand gesture rather than actual doing so . And what a lame excuse he has come up up with.
No wonder your are disappointed

CockacidalManiac · 28/12/2016 19:39

Jesus Christ. I didn't even receive a gift this Christmas from 'DH'. Straightners would have been cool!

Just because you put up with shit, doesn't mean the OP has to.

CockacidalManiac · 28/12/2016 19:39

And a debit card would do as much as a credit card for car hire.

IronNeonClasp · 28/12/2016 19:42

Just because you put up with shit, doesn't mean the OP has to.

Nice. And thank you.

IronNeonClasp · 28/12/2016 19:42

This reply has been deleted

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CockacidalManiac · 28/12/2016 19:44

Hey, you're the one snapping at the OP and offering biscuits. If your relationship is shit, do something about it. Don't take it out in the OP.

brusselssprouts · 28/12/2016 19:46

Sorry for your disappointment, OP.

  1. Contrary to a PP's ideas, I don't think debit cards would do the same as credit cards for car hire. The car hire company want to know they can get your money if the car is damaged/ not returned on time etc.
  1. However, I went to Iceland last year with DH and 2 DCs, didn't bother hiring a car, we booked individual trips and we had a lovely time. It can be done!
TheTantrumCometh · 28/12/2016 19:49

Wow, that's awful for you to have go around and explain to everyone that you're not going. I think he was trying to make himself look good. In the past when he's been selfish and inconsiderate have you covered it up and made excuses for him to relatives? I bet he was expecting you to do the same this time. He'd tell everyone that he was doing this amazing grand gesture for you, not go through with it and then you'd make up some excuse to cover his tracks for him and he'd come out still looking like a good guy.

IronNeonClasp · 28/12/2016 19:49

It's a pretty lame and spoilt thread. Although I understand - and get what you are trying to say.
A gift is a gift - a thought process. Receiving a gift with gratitude and being surprised...

OP is extremely expectant. I would have been happy with a pair of earrings.

To receive nothing at all makes this thread a bit Biscuit to me.

Sorry.

Damselindestress · 28/12/2016 19:57

The point isn't the present. OP has said she would've been happy with the straighteners if it wasn't for all the hype about the holiday getting her hopes up. The problem isn't that she has high expectations, it's that her husband got her expectations up and then let her down. He told several family members he was taking her to Iceland and they asked about it so she had to spend Christmas Day explaining to them that actually it wasn't happening. I can understand why that would be upsetting.

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